[Music] the name of the Father the Son the Holy Ghost amen hail Mary full of grace Lloris with thee blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus mirror of Justice name of the Father Son and Holy Ghost amen last conference tonight of course tomorrow I'll be having a homely on the Holy Family last tonight son miracle purchase but before I actually start I wanted to mention a couple of things I've been talking a lot about the virtues this weekend I'm in the process of doing an adult CCD class on the virtues which the recordings of them are available here they're $5 for each equal packet there's five five of them only have two sets but people can you know take them if they like and if you want more you can just let me know it's pitched principally for the lay people so I think it'll be it's rather beneficial I haven't had a chance to see three people that were on the list I'll be during the exposition I will be in the confessional after the exposition I'll go back on to the confessional and they can come see me then and anyone else who wants to go to confession will be available during that time and also after the benediction which should be about 850 or nine o'clock there there abouts also in order to receive the plenary indulgence the general requirements for payments are still in effect so in order to get the plainer indulgence you need to have received Holy Communion gun to confession with within two weeks either before or after and have said prayers not only fought okay we've already discussed somewhat the marital virtues over the course this weekend some of them of course like for instance I've talked a lot about self-denial house how marriage is really mess in order for it to be smoothed out it's necessary for both partners to have self-denials of it because there's a lot of times you simply aren't going to get what you want in fact I'm in a certain sense marriage is more of a call to self-denial than the ample obtaining of the goods it's more about what you don't get sometimes I think then what you do get out of it there is also a discussion a little bit about continence and chastity and things of this sort continence is necessary in the sense of I mentioned before that at least I think I mention this in the context of that men's conference the continence is a virtue which is in the will by which one remains steadfast and doing the right thing despite the tumult of of the passions and appetites emotions and so as a result continence is necessary to sometimes that one spouse may not be able to render the marital debt or there are some times when just in the context of marriage you know there might be kind of aiming things like anger or things of that sort of for a person has to remain steadfast despite it another marital virtue you know obviously all of these virtues apply to everybody but they have a particular important role in the context of marriage one of which is humility now different authors define humility differently if you haven't read the book I always recommend this book it's called humility of heart by conscious and a Bergamo who's in the process of being canonized right now in fact and it's put out by tan it's one of the best books you'll read on humility but humility you know of course is defined different ways some define it as the virtue by which moderates one's striving for excellence that's st. Thomas's definition and what he means by that is is that the proud person strives for things that are inappropriate for their state in life and so as a result we need humility to temper that humility is sometimes defined as the virtue by which one is willing to live in accordance with the truth that is person who is humble is going to submit to whatever the truth is and to be led to the truth regardless of the cost of themselves in other case however you define humility it's necessary in the context of marriage wine well because none of us are ever right all the time and so as a result that's necessary to have humility to need to be able to admit when you're wrong and not just to yourself sometimes you have to do it to the spouse in order to to have a proper relationship developed but you also have to have the humility to to be willing to follow the truth regardless of the cost you for the sake of the marriage if people become self-absorbed and are unwilling to follow the truth wherever it may lead and they think that you know the marriage is really about them when it's incidentally it's really about God because it's there to give him glory but if they don't they don't have this humility then they can make everyone else's life difficult and pride can come in a variety of different ways I mean it doesn't have to come the person I'm better than you doesn't have to come in that form sometimes it can just come in you know what's good for me is actually better for the marriage than what's good for you type of type of attitude another virtue which is important is meekness meet miss is the virtue which mitigates anger it moderates anger st. Thomas says that meekness actually resides in the computable appetite and the reason being is because the cubicle outside desires physical goods and things of that sort anger as I might have mentioned before is a complex passion what it did sorrows at the injury that's sustained which is why we need a spirit of mortification which we'll talk about in a little bit but we also need but it also seeks vindication or to strike injury to the party that's caused the person injury and that's what anger does and that's why it's a complex passion it's also why people who suffer from anger a lot are very miserable because it tends to divide the soul and seeking the desert you know seeking desires and at the same time sorry over the Chilean justices and things like that but what meekness does is is meanness tempers the person's desire for fin de que ssin so when a person has perfect meekness they don't seek to vindicate themselves unless it's actually good for the who's ever involved in the whole process and so as a result it's this is thought this is meekness is absolutely necessary in order to live together when people get angry and fight and things like that then it makes it very difficult for people to live in common obviously and this is why me missus necessary tempers it actually makes the life to the UM that they live together much easier the two root virtues in among all of the virtues I'm not talking about the most excellent which is charity but the two root virtues upon which all other virtues are rooted or based is meekness and humility humility is necessary if you're not willing to live in accordance with the truth then you can't pursue any other virtue if you're judging yourself greater than you are which is what pride is rather than humility which is willing to judge one's self in according to the truth the door to see oneself as one truly is then you can't develop if you're not humble enough you're simply not going to see your defects this is why one of the first things that we have to do if we want to know what our defects are and how to overcome them the first thing we have to do is begin working on humility and God simply won't give you the grace to see what your defects are until your humble because you're not disposed properly until you're humbled to receive this knowledge and so as a result he'll wait but if he would come humble he is very happy to oblige you by humiliating you with your defects so the point is is that the humility is necessary on that level you can't pursue any other virtue second of all meekness mitigates the desire to strike out against things that is it tends to be the root virtue which helps to mitigate things external to me so the persons don't act too extreme in other words meekness helps a person not to go to extreme and their reactions or relationships with us meet this in humility so tempering of anger and tempering of our judgement about ourselves is the one of the two root virtues and the two particular appetites and scholastic philosophy we call it the irascible appetite that can cubis with appetite but and all emotions and passions fall into those two appetites but this is why you don't need to worry too much about that but this is why our Lord said learn from me for I am meek and humble of heart and the reason he said that is because it was a manifestation that he has the two root virtues upon which all of the virtues are built and I saw someone whose meat meek and humble you know is going to be willing to be led to the truth he's going to be docile he's also not going to lie to you because he's humble he's not going to do injustice against you because of his humility because of his meekness and so as a results that's why Christ had learned from me for I am meek and humble of heart this is one of the reasons why as a matter of devotion which is a virtue which is important among married people that is its tends to be something more important almost in a person's personal life that is the virtue of devotion devotion to the Sacred Heart is one of the most powerful forms of gaining humility and meekness because if we pursue the devotion to the Sacred Heart and we pray the small prayer of Lord make my heart like unto the dime then we will become like Christ meek and humble and so is Ariza the other thing is to his meekness also keeps people from trying to exert too much control on over other people or to try it mitigates our relationships with other people so it helps quite a bit the other aspect of anger of course I mentioned is the sorrow that one sees in the injustice that they've incurred that is in respect to anger and so one of the things that we have to have if we're going to have a meatless wind up in the context of our family life is that we have to have a spirit of mortification that is we have to have the virtue by which one is willing to suffer and this comes a little bit in the context of fortitude we have to be going to have the strength to be willing to do it but the spirit of mortification is that a person actually has a desire to suffer those things which God is willing to send to them in their life and if we're willing to suffer that which we're supposed to then when we do suffer it it makes our life easier because we can accept these things as they come from God and turn and use them for our benefit and for the benefit of others but if we don't have a spirit of mortification we're not willing to suffer that anytime there's any insult or any type of slight that might happen from our the person we're married with then immediately anger arises out of it and as it then of course the marriage becomes more tumultuous this is a necessary virtue because one has to be willing to suffer the defects of one's spouse and one's children that doesn't mean that you don't strive to help them to overcome their defects or even under proper circumstances that you don't bring the defects of your spouse to their attention although most people do it everywhere in all cases rather than under governed by prudence but if we're not willing to suffer our defects for the sake of our spouse of that come from our spouse then we're never going to be able to advance person in our own personal sanctification we're never going to aid them either the people are very quick to want to expect the other person in the marriage contract to get their act straightened down well you get your act straighten out and I'll do mine well now you straighten out your own defects and then then you can go to work on your partner's which is safe to say because most people never accomplish the first part it is also necessary so that the husband and wife do more efficacious painting the grace for each other and for children and it is necessary since marital life brings all sorts of trials and tribulations not just self inflicted by your own stupid things that people tend to do because they suffer from original sin and actual sin but also by those which are afflicted by others that is those from outside so a person has to have a spirit of mortification so that with proper equanimity that is we don't react unduly and we have a certain peace that comes from this so then we're able to deal with these tribulations and trials when they come I also talked a little bit about benevolence and benign adine benevolence comes from the two Latin words bonus or Bennett and Valencia or bowl and toss actually which means goodwill that a person has to have goodwill which means that a person with the virtue of benevolence wills the good of the other individual you cannot have benevolence without meekness it's not possible because if a person doesn't have meat miss then anytime anything happens and they get then immediate what's the reaction anger so if a person is slided then they have anger whereas benevolence even though they might suffer some injury they seek they will what is good what is the best thing for the person with not rather than I want my vindication so I feel better about the situation so benevolence is an absolute necessity to to living in common with people because if people are ill willed which tends to happen over the course of time they get married they're all in loving so wonderful and then the honeymoon usually ends rather shortly after that and then by the time they're married for five years they're sinking the points to get away from each other very often and then by the time I marry 40 or 50 years it's yeah he's in the barn and she's in the house thing well the point is is that a lot of this becomes because people base their relationship on how they feel in the context of each other rather than goodwill of I want to do this because I love my spouse I want what's best for them which incidentally I should define love love is willing the good of another now that means there's two kinds of love the first is willing to give another for oneself which is which is actually imperfect but it's a legitimate form when people get married they want to be with the other spouse for their own benefit but the more perfect form of love which saint Ellis calls the love of friendship is the love in which one wills the good for the other for the other person's sake and that's what the perfection of love comes in if you don't have meekness and humility you're not going to have benevolence and that means you're not going to have love for the other people or the other hand for your spouse or for your children if you're not good willed and it's not possible to have the virtue of banana tea but itit is the virtue by which one not only wills good things for people's not enough to will good things you actually have to do want to execute good things for people that is to do things for good people or do good things for people to not just good people but the point is is that you have to want to do things for your spouse to do things to do good things for your spouse if you don't have meekness you will never have banana me and if you don't have humility you're never going to do banana you're never going to be benign because you recognize that in the miracle contract you're supposed to render to each other their due it's a matter of justice and so you'll render to what's due to them the particular good thing to which they have a right to or rights to or it can be a number of different things but person will actually want to do good things for each other very often laughter people are married for a long period of time they do things for each other to get them off their back oh my dear it's coming here it's coming just get off my back though so you know or the other thing goes around you know I don't want her nagging me so I'll just do this and get it out of my hair rather than thinking to himself I'm going to do this as a good thing for my spouse because that's what God would have me do he wants me to love my spouse as Christ loved the church so instead of doing it from that particular perspective benevolence and banana tea are also a fruit of the Holy Ghost now the fruits of the Holy Ghost are st. Thomas says their fruits because they give us a joy when they actually occur and all the fruits are actions he says but benevolence and Benaiah are also virtues but what happens is when we gain a certain degree of virtue we actually take delight in doing and performing the action of the virtue and as a result when we become benevolent and benign we actually enjoy and desire to do good things for other people and to will the good for them and that's a good check for us to recognize those people that we live with how benign and benevolent am I am I trying to do what's good or what I have to do something good for somebody is it painful do I do not like to do it well that's assigned to me or to you whoever it is that they don't have the virtue of benevolence or banana tea it is also necessary to it that actually applies to all the virtues that the more perfects you become the virtues the more joy you give and actually being virtuous and performing the acts that correspond to those virtues to become happier your life is better the next one is prayer the virtue of prayer now st. Thomas says that under the virtue of justice is the requirement to render God his doom now since man is imperfect and incapable and also he's not infinite he can't render back to God an infinite do to him so result God established the virtue of religion particularly supernatural virtual living religion by which it's infused in us so that we are able to worship Him in a new way the God established the virtue of religion so that man could render to God what is due to him now st. Thomas says under that virtue of religion becomes so religion is a part justice under the virtue of religion is the virtue of prayer by which one has to pray to God to em to ask him for things that we need to face whom to adorn him because that's what's ultimately due to him etc so we have we have to do that and then he says under that is the virtue of sacrifice by which the prayer can be a form of sacrifice but also every form of sacrifice true sacrifice also comes with a prayer it comes in the form of a perm and so that he says the most perfect form of sacrifice comes when what we have the most important thing to us is offered back to God because a sacrifice is a sacred offering to God and in the process of a sacrifice according to the Old Testament every time you sacrifice something the thing that is sacrificed is consumed or burned up in the process of the sacrifice that's why incidentally the priest has to consume the host in order for the mass to be fully to sacrifice the mass even though it occurs in the splitting of the species at the consecration that is Christ's blood is separated from his body sacramentally not really but sacramentally but the sacrifice at least in the ritual doesn't have its completion until the priest consumes that what does this mean in the context of marriage well first let me back up and say one more thing st. Thomas sounds even a perfect form of sacrifice for a rational creature is to sacrifice his will to give his freedom back to God and the reason and that is comes principally in the form of love and that's why charity is the highest virtue because charity is the virtue by which we love God and when we love God we give him our will because we give over to him the most important thing to us which is our self will or our seller freedom of will so in that again you can't perform that sacrifice of giving ourself well over to him except through prayer except through religion and that is a matter of justice so what does that mean in the context of the family what obviously means that the right bite later the religion is absolutely key within the family but it also means that the people engage in acts of religion they will they will pray so that they render to God is due they will make the they will do the prayers but they will sacrifice themselves to God because that is precisely what God wants but the sacrificing to God doesn't always come directly sometimes God wants us to say you know yes God I give you my whole free will I give you everything that I am and the way he says is good now here here's your spouse I want you to suffer or here's your spouse I want you to do something good for them or here's your spouse I want you to love them for my benefit and so what happens is that the way we sacrifice ourselves to God in the context of marriage is very often not only directly but indirectly by the service to our spouse by rendering to them what's due to them in justice and by doing what we're supposed to do and that has becomes that's the oblation we made to God which is the service which we rendered to him prayer is also necessary for the family to get Grace it's necessary for right order in the family necessary to train children on the obligation to pray the Saints make it very clear that we have an obligation to pray at least 15 minutes a day at least and if we don't it's a sin because we have an obligation in justice to render God back to this so for instance some say that saying the rosary fulfills that obligation which is probably the case if it takes about 15 minutes well some people say no it should be more you should you should actually spend 15 minutes in mental prayer maybe maybe not for the average layman for the priests to print requirement of prayers much more not only does he pray when he says the mass he has to pray when he says the office he has an obligation to pray for out the course of his day to God as a matter of rendering justice for who he is because it's his job to render sacrifice to him not only in the mass but throughout the course the day he has an obligation to prayer for those under his pastoral care so he has to pray much more which is incidentally one of the reasons why the church is in such disarray because a priests aren't praying anymore but it's necessary within the context of the family in order to teach children their obligation to pray and to merit those things for them families who pray consistently together will find that their that the right order that comes from that process will get a certain pew pew get a certain peace in the home which I'm going to talk about tomorrow the next virtue I want to talk about before I go into faith hope and charity which I'm going to spend too much time on but I want to talk a little bit about them as well but there's one other virtue I mean there's you know some number of other virtues but these are the ones I just I think are important the next one is decorum decorum is the virtue by which which regulates one's externals and what that means is is that decorum is the virtue which make sure that my external actions and the things which I adorn myself with for instance clothing and things like that or things that I buy but also that my actions as well because those are part of me fit Who I am in other words if I'm a priest it's part of the virtue of decorum to wear priestly garb so people know that I'm appraised for people who are married part of decorum is of course wearing a ring but also part of decorum is keeping circumspection knowing that you're around your spouse and that there's proper actions in relation to your spouse that's due to them so in with decorum my actions and my externals always fit who and what I am the first thing that happens when people get angry is to completely lose circumspection and decorum goes right out the window why because if you're your spouse you're supposed to be loving the person not tearing into them by getting angry or things of this order by ignoring them or things like that decorum is also necessary because achieve teaches children the proper conduct according to circumstances children are acting more and more like little beasts they're getting worse and worse all the time and it's because I'm convinced that there's not proper decorum taught within the home that there are certain kinds of behavior that fits certain circumstances based upon who and what you are and that's an important virtue for the to teach them a classic example of how decorum is just completely shot is the wave kids dress today or the fact that men are now walking around with jewelry on now here by joiner men talking about the wedding ring which indicates their their the excellence of marriage in fact I always tell people to a ring should only be worn as a manifestation on a man here we're not talking about a men women it could be a property doorman but on a man it has to man should only wear a ring if it's a manifestation of some excellence either marriage or he's a bishop so it's the office of the bishop or in the Catholic Church those with PhDs who have received them from typical University and priests are permitted to wear rings as a next as a manifestation of their ability to teach as a doctor but there aren't ends you know so in other words a ring is to manifest some excellence but when guys are walking around with rings in virtually every part of their body there's just something just it doesn't fit them that's inappropriate and you know and it's also a sign that people's aesthetic senses become shot because they can't you know they can't they can't see the fact that they're just it's or they're just ugly from from all of this but decorum also keeps people it since it deals with externals it also is a thing that regulates something that I think is very important in the context of the of the marital life it of course means that men will always treat their wife is in a proper manner but it also means something about women that it did decorum is actually sub virtue of the branch of modesty because modesty in Latin is a broader term that will we understand it in English but what it does is is that it makes sure that a woman's clothing is modest no by that I don't mean just that it doesn't draw the people into into impure thoughts I'm not talking about that but I mean it doesn't go to excess that is that they don't spend too much money on it they don't go to excess and the jewelry they wear they don't go in to access the makeup they wear they don't go in to access about making sure that all the things around them reflect upon them they have to be very careful and moderate that and that comes to the virtue of decorum the virtue of decorum is one of the most difficult virtues to master it's usually one of the last ones which are mastered the last virtue I wanted last three virtues on top of faith hope and charity obviously you have to have faith from the context of the home because the family they the children have to be raised in the proper faith and the parents have to be leading a life of the faith and faith is the virtue which God places in our intellect so that we can give assent to what the Church teaches as true or what Christ taught is true and so we must work on in order to build faith we must work on giving a sense of those things with the church teaches and come to a greater knowledge of it the next is hope which is a virtue which God puts in our wills so that we'll continue moving towards him it's you know sometimes faith is a measure something for hope actually inclines us to look towards the promise which God has said that he would give to us that if we do our part God will save us so for contrite sorry for our sins if we do whatever we can to say we're soul God will be there in our last hour to help save us so there's a and he'll bring us to heaven he'll give to us what he has promised so hope is a necessary thing because if people don't have any hope and they just opportunity might think these things are true which is Church Jesus but they don't pursue them and the last is charity charity is a virtue which God infuses in the will by which we are able to love him it is a teaching of the church and it is very clear because the doctors the church teaches as well that it is not possible in a current human condition to love God without a supernatural virtue and that is for two reasons well and I love God we mean love him for his own sake it's easy to love God in that in a natural sense in the sense of well if I do these little things and don't get something out of God no that's not true charity and that's not true love in fact what that is is your selfishness but to love God for his own sake actually requires an infusion of a virtue in our wills so that were capable of actually loving God so kneadable to able to love him proportionately because he is a supernatural object in order to be able to act in a supernatural way that's proportionate to God to love him in a supernatural way requires charity charity has two precepts to let the love of God and love of neighbor for the sake of God now it's principally about God and charity is st. Thomas as its directive of all of the other virtues if I have perfect charity I will always will what is virtuous and therefore direct all my actions towards virtuous ends but to the degree I don't have charity to that degree I'll start lacking I'll begin lacking the other virtues now I can work on the natural virtues on my own to a degree but I'll never have those perfectly and I will never have the other words perfectly without charity and the second part is love my neighbor for the sake of God and that means that you that charity is really about God faith hope and charity or supernatural virtues which have God as their object faith has got its objects I have to believe God then believe in God hope is that I have to believe that God will help me out and I'll actually achieve him and charity is that I actually love God charity is not love of neighbor simply put it's love of neighbor for the sake of God so that I actually love my neighbor from the point of view of God and what this means is is that in the context of marriage the perfection in marriage does not consist in naturally loving your wife that's a good thing there's nothing wrong with it in itself but the actual perfection of marriage consists in loving your wife for the sake of God or loving your husband for the sake of God and that can only come through detachment through self-denial to morphic ASA willing to having a spirit of mortification humility and meekness so that in a certain sense while charity perfects all the other virtues there are certain key virtues which we must have if we're really going to be perfect in charity and so when you go home after the end of this weekend's you have to consider how faithful in my being to God in being perfectly charitable to my spouse how detached am i becoming to them now here I'm not talking about just indifferent to them because they drive you nuts it was think I think marriage is awful don't think that actually I've seen a number of many many good marriages I'm just putting it in the context you can't be indifferent to your spouse because you don't care about them rather I take the poor solicitude a proper care of them precisely because I love them for the sake of God if I love them for my own benefit well as Christ says Gentiles do as much and we have to be better than that we have to love them perfectly and that can only be done through perfect charity now I know you hear from time to time people say that you know there is faith hope and love the greatest of these is love well first of all it's a completeness translation that is not but the original language is saying the original languages are very clear it's faith hope and charity love is the act of charity not charity itself Charities of virtue love is an action of that virtue and it's not just a merely kind of sappy sentimental type of love it doesn't mean it doesn't give expression to proper affections and things of that sort but it means that charity is principally love of God and love of neighbor for the sake of God and it's a supernatural love which means that it seeks their salvation so we return full circle marriage principle end is the salvation of the souls and give glory and God to God the salvation of souls the two involved and that is done principally through charity so if you want to save your soul if you want to save the soul of your spouse you have to strive for perfect charity if you'll kneel I'll give you a bless Benedict so tell me potent ease part three said feeling it submission super force at money at sample you