Lecture Notes: Addiction, Subconscious Mind, and Attachment Theory

Speaker Background

• Began work in personal development at 21 years old.
• Formerly addicted to opioids after a knee surgery just before turning 15.
  • Soccer was a coping mechanism from a chaotic childhood.
  • Tried several rehab programs; none were effective.
• Realized the conscious mind can't overpower the subconscious mind.
  • Became obsessed with learning about the subconscious mind.
  • Led to sobriety and starting her journey in personal development.

Key Concepts

Subconscious Mind and Addiction

• Issue: Repeating patterns due to the subconscious mind.
  • Daily struggle of trying to get clean and failing repeatedly.
• Solution: Understanding and reprogramming the subconscious mind.
  • Conscious mind can't outwill the subconscious mind.
  • Important to reprogram core ideas like self-worth and self-love.
  • Learning to identify and meet one's own needs.
  • Emotional self-regulation techniques.

Attachment Theory

• Attachment Styles: Subconscious rules for giving and receiving love.
  • Influenced by early childhood experiences with caregivers.
  • Not static; can be changed through effort.
• Four Attachment Styles:
  1. Secure Attachment:
     • Caregivers are consistently attuned and present.
     • Leads to long-lasting and happy relationships.
     • Approach-oriented behaviors: Safe to express emotions and needs.
  2. Anxious Attachment:
     • Inconsistent caregivers: Love is present and taken away.
     • Core wounds: Fear of abandonment, rejection, and being alone.
     • Behaviors: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries.
  3. Dismissive Avoidant Attachment:
     • Childhood emotional neglect (often covert).
     • Core wounds: Fear of vulnerability, emotional intimacy, being unsafe.
     • Behaviors: Emotional withdrawal, lack of commitment.
  4. Fearful Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment:
     • Childhood characterized by chaos and unpredictability.
     • Core wounds: Mixed feelings about love (desiring and fearing it).
     • Behaviors: Hot and cold in relationships, intense push-pull dynamics.

Integrated Attachment Theory

• Goal: Transition from insecure to secure attachment.
  • Leverage neuroplasticity to recondition core fears and beliefs.
  • Learn to meet deeply unmet needs.
• Steps for Becoming Securely Attached:
  1. Reprogram core fears (e.g., feeling unworthy, unlovable).
  2. Identify and meet your own needs daily for 21 days.
  3. Regulate your nervous system (e.g., daily meditation).
  4. Communicate needs to others and receive them.
  5. Set healthy boundaries to reveal true self.

Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

• Problem: Negative self-talk and unmet needs hurt self-esteem.
• Solution:
  • Reprogram negative core beliefs.
  • Learn and fulfill your own needs to become less dependent on others for validation.
  • Technique: Daily affirmation with emotional engagement for 21 days.

Recommended Apps and Resources

• Growth Day App:
  • Personal development app by Brendan Burchard.
  • Features goal-setting, accountability, and courses.

Case Studies and Applications

• Personal Application:
  • Overcame opioid addiction by reprogramming the subconscious mind.
  • Significant improvement in life quality and relationships.
• General Application:
  • Helps in understanding and improving romantic relationships.
  • Broad applications in friendships, business, and self-awareness.

Final Thoughts

• Purpose often comes through pain.
• Identifying and addressing subconscious patterns can transform your life.