is the mystery of how to get men to chase you becoming exhausting do you wish you knew exactly how men thought so you knew how to trigger his hot pursuit of you the same way you see them doing for other women well on today's show we're going to discuss how to use ego to get a man chasing after you so that you can utilize this Unstoppable for for to not only get him to chase you but to do anything you want and the best part is you won't even have to lift a finger to do it welcome to the Players Club if you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream please say here a present so I know you're here present and actively participating welcome to all of you beautiful people here today and some of you newbies who might be new here okay uh of course we got here we got Miss holding down the YouTube chat I see you guys have lots of discussion in the YouTube chat before I get on I know I'm usually late so uh also we got Ivy one of our amazing channel members uh in the YouTube chat as well I see we got Special K I see organic here uh Melissa we got Ashley uh lots more over in the YouTube chat uh and in the Tik Tok chat of course we got sh holding us down there uh who else we got I see we got a Haley we got Anisha we got a Miley we got MAA we got lots and tons of people here today so I welcome All of You Beautiful Peeps and I'm so glad to have you a part of the show okay uh let's get started along the way we shall discuss don't fret and as we discuss we will uh we will we'll get more familiar with each other okay so let's start off with the male gays okay I really need you guys to be paying attention this episode some of the stuff I'm going to say is not going to make a lot of sense to you because we're really going to be focusing on how to trigger men essentially all right and so a lot of the things I say it's not going to make sense why it would trigger man because you're not a man but that's okay I'm here to help bridge the gap for you and give you a little bit more understanding and hopefully you'll have some at least a little bit of knowledge by the time we finish this episode okay so don't fret if you're like why do men think like that that makes no sense it's okay it's not meant to make perfect sense to you so we're going to start off with the male gaze now I know for those of you who are not familiar with the male gaze I'll just break this down in simplest terms and then we'll discuss more the male gaze is essentially just um the aspect of how in film and media uh women are portrayed from the perspective of a man so if for example if I'm dressing Margo Robbie for a scene Margo Robbie's an actor for those of you who don't know if I'm dressing Margo Robbie or um I don't know uh Angelina Jolie for a scene in a movie and I'm dressing her through the male gaze I'm going to dress her in a way that is most attractive to the male gaze right to the man so when a man's watching he's going to say wow Angelina jul Lee looks so good she looks so awesome she looks so amazing in this movie right she looks so stunning she's so attractive in this movie so I'm going to address her in a particular way that um accentuates particular features that would be most attractive to the men that's that's essentially the male gaze and because a lot of men mostly are the ones writing and creating movies and you know control media a lot of how women are portrayed in the media is through the male gaze now I'm not here to tell you whether that's right or wrong or what the right way to live your life is okay I'm just here to explain to you the male gays now uh what also people don't consider when they're thinking about the male gays because a lot of times we just think about how men view the women and through and what lens they're viewing the women through right now also what inherently comes with that when we're talking about the male gays is the recognition that men have this is where it gets interesting is the recognition that men have not only of the women but the recognition that men have of other men realizing that they're also interested in that woman and that does something to men now this is very we're going to go really deep into the to the woods here so some of the stuff we're going to disc discuss you're going to be like how does this relate to anything trust me it's all related and we can all make it work for you positively the men are not just seeing the women on their own in a vacuum they're also seeing the other men see the woman and there's something to be said for what that does to a man to not only see you and like you but to also see you and understand that while he likes you there's also other guys who like you too and that does something to his mind and his psyche and his feelings towards you remember in yesterday's show where uh we discussed perception and we we discussed value uh I discussed with you guys how much of value is placed on perception and how you can literally manipulate perception to get a um to get someone to see you as more or less value valuable okay uh Nate says this is definitely pre-recorded it's absolutely not pre-recorded I can see your message I can see everyone's message in the chat okay so this is really me I'm really here not an AI or maybe I am okay so um right I say that to say I want us to understand how the male gaze is working not just from a function of oh men with their eyes popping out looking at a woman in a in a in a sundress okay but I also want you to understand even on on a subconscious level men are recognizing the fact that other women are also gazing at the woman and how that serves or affects his ego in the understanding that not only do I like her but a lot of other people like her also so then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of the reason I like her is because she's valuable and she's valuable I know that she's actually valuable because everyone else also likes her this is how group think plays a role in your per the perception your perceived value okay because as guys like you and are interested in you that's great but what even becomes more powerful is when you trigger uh the confirmation of their perception of your value by showing them whether directly or indirectly that other people also see you as valuable because now they don't want to be the person that goes against the grain they want to see what everyone else is is also seeing in you and so a girl is hot through the female gaze right sorry um I said that wrong a woman is hot through the male gaze but a woman is made even hotter through the male gaze when he recognizes that other men also find her hot is that making sense I know you're probably going to be like what that doesn't that doesn't really sound like those are straight men they are okay but I just want you to understand how ego plays such a uh intense real role in men's perception of women and how men play a part in that ego that you can actually utilize all of those aspects to your advantage to trigger these responses from men that they don't really have any control over okay group think is not something you can really control your natural uh uh instinct to want to believe in or see what everyone else is seeing is not something you can control now you can try to fight against it and you can try to say okay I'm trying to I'm going to try and analyze other aspects and and and and go against the grain but your natural instinct were were were like uh what we call a a a pack pack species or I don't know I don't know what the scientific term is but we were we evolved to agree deal with each other work together okay and so naturally we want to believe in what everyone else is believing it's not natural to us to want to not see what everyone else is seeing and so it it it um rears itself also in our relationships where if someone is viewed as beautiful or uh attractive and everyone wants that person we're naturally going to be inclined to try to see things through their lens even if we don't necessarily really feel that or see that so I just say that to say it's the same thing happening through the male gaze and also with the the men gazing at you that are not just the men that the guy that you're specifically wanting to be with Okay so let's get that down now secondly I wanted so now that we've talked about the male gays and we talked about um just a general aspect of how the male gays can also be affected by the men and how the men see you let's talk about competition okay so this is where it's going to get interesting number two is competition and I want you to understand I this is not to make you I want us to be clear throughout this conversation we're going to have we're I'm going to be discussing you as if you are something to be one or um it's going to feel very uh like an objectification I need you to understand I'm not objectifying you because you are actually an object I just need you to understand the concept so you can understand why men are responding in particular ways okay let's all be on the same page now when I'm talking about competition you have to understand that natural to men they always want to feel like they're the best okay or at the very least that they're better than the next man okay it feeds their ego it it it boosts their self-esteem to feel like I am better than the next man so inherently there is a subconscious um competition between men for who can prove to be the most powerful amazing mighty man in all of the land I know it sounds very caveman is and even though we don't live in caveman days anymore the mentality still exists it's just uh matured itself and uh changed and mor morphed itself into the lives that we live now okay and so men are still fighting for that respect right men are still fighting for that realization to be able to say to themselves I know I'm better than you other peasant men I step on you with my shoe and you know I'm better than you other peasant men because of all the resources I have at my disposal right and so the recognition that I receive from being better than you and you knowing that I'm better than you you can see your peasant underneath my feet I shall squash you because I am the most mighty king in all of the land okay men still exist with that ego inside them and so the reason I I discuss competition as it relates to you and your relationships is because men are not just competing for resources in terms of money a bigger house a faster car but they're also competing for the most what they would consider the most valuable women okay like I said before this is not meant to objectify you I just need you to understand the these Concepts because they're very important to understanding how to trigger men into chasing and pursuing after you so if men are also in competition for the most uh valuable women right meaning the women who have all the qualities not just the beauty not just the dump truck not just the yitties but the personality the aura the energy the confidence right the best of the best women let's just think of it like that if those are what's considered the most valuable women and we've already talked about how value is really based on perception okay then you then you should get the understanding that the men will compete more for you if their perception of you is that you're more valuable and so there are particular ways to create the perception as if you're very valuable not say that you're not but I do want you to understand people are constantly specifically men are constantly receiving receiving you in all aspects they're receiving how you look they're receiving how you talk they're receiving how you car yourself they're receiving how you where you hang out where you spend time how you approach they're receiving all of you all the time and so that is creating their perception of you and so even as it relates to competition you can trigger the competition effect that is natural within men amongst other men to compete for the most valuable resources and and the most valuable women by making yourself and presenting yourself as one of those really valuable women so then you kind of have to take your mind this is where you come in okay now that you understand that you have to take your mind away from trying to be uh uh the most likable woman and you have to train your mind into putting yourself in the man thoughts and how he would see someone who would be valuable and really think to yourself what makes something valuable through perception okay and start thinking of I know this sounds very transactional but start thinking of Attraction and desire kind of like you would a business because a business is all about supply and demand the more Supply right and the less demand you're not really going to have what's considered a very valuable product okay you're not a product I just need you to understand the concept vice versa the less Supply and the more demand you're going to be considered a very valuable sought after product okay because everyone wants you but nobody has you available to them and so all the men are in competition for you and willing to do the absolute most for you in order to get you okay this is the natural competition cycle that is created when you feel unattainable to men it's the same reason why uh for their dream girl they'll do anything they'll post them up they'll talk about them at length they'll like their pictures they'll repost their pictures they'll comment on their photos they'll they whatever they got to do they'll fantasize they do all this stuff for their dream girl that they would never do for you and you think to yourself how come you're so invested and in love and obsessed with this dream girl of yours but me the real person in your real life who's literally crawling on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor washing the dishes while I cook while I use my third hand to uh wank you off I'm doing everything you could possibly want in a woman and you're not chasing after me or as obsessed with me as you are your favorite IG model or as you are your favorite of model or as you are your favorite whatever model okay and you're thinking to yourself why are why are you not competing for me or pursuing me as hard as you compete for a woman who doesn't even recognize your existence but I want you to understand the competition right the spirit of the competition can only be triggered by something something he feels is slightly unattainable you have to present yourself to men that you want to pursue you as if you are slightly unattainable even a lot unattainable because the the more he has to do in order to feel like he has to get you the more he'll do the less he feels he has to do in order to get you the less he'll do so the more unattainable you feel to him the more he'll feel like it's necessary to put his best foot forward in order to get access to you because there is a strong intense competition for you not just with him but with all the other guys who recognize your value as well and all the other guys that also recognize your value are also going to be putting their best foot forward so men recognize even if they're not looking at the men and being like I'm attracted to the men they recognize that their attraction to you also props up their your value in their mind and so because it props up your value in their mind what do they do they approach you as if you're even more valuable now why because your value has been confirmed right by the other men who also want you and are chasing after you and so because of that that competition effect begins to come into play where he feels like he needs to win you over he feels like he needs to put his best foot forward he feels like he needs to do the best job and so what happens when he feels the need to do his best job well he pursues you he treats you right he tries to make adjustments he try he tries to be the absolute best man he possibly can for you because he knows if he's not the best man he will lose his spot to someone else another guy who is prepared to be that best man very simple kind of math and logic here and so you never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever want to present yourself as an attainable girl who is wishing to be liked by men you want to present yourself as the dream girl who is unattainable going about her life however you want to go about your life not concerned with what those men think of of you because that's what's going to trigger in him oh oh oh everyone wants her and she's very unattainable this is a lot like a dream girl I'm going to approach her the same way I would my dream girl see and the weirdest strangest part is the more available you are to men the less you can be like a dream girl okay am I making sense to you guys so far right um uh some some number says um she says but I might actually be unattainable see that is the most crazy insane part about perception is that you might have the most volumptuous yitties you might have the biggest dump truck you might have the most beautiful smile and the smallest s you might have the most bubbly amazing personality but if you are not strategic with how you present yourself to Men You're Going to diminish your value in their eyes even if you have a lot of value truth truthfully right this is why I always tell you guys it's not about how you look it's not about your dumb trucks not about none of that it's about how strategic you can be about the way you present yourself and how you give access to you or take it away and uh how much of it you give that allows him to keep being in pursuit of more of you and never in a position where he feels like he wants less of you okay now some of the things when I talk about competition some of the things that you guys are doing wrong when it comes to competition or making him feel like there's competition for you is you're making yourself readily available to him 24/7 I know that when you like a guy and you're really interested in in a guy you do want to spend all your time with that guy okay I'm not saying you're a bad person because you want to spend all the time that you have free with the guy that you really like okay that's natural there's nothing wrong with that but I do want you to understand that if you're spending let's just say hypothetically you spend 24 hours a day with the guy s days a week and you guys never get a break from each other okay I do need you to understand while that might feel good because you're getting to spend time with the guy that you like and you love being so closely attached to the guy that you're in to you have to understand that there is only one place to go from spending 24 hours a day with you 7 days a week he cannot put himself in a mind frame where he wants to see more of you why because it's literally physically impossible it is physically impossible for him to see you more than 247 and so what are the only thoughts he can have if he's already seeing you 24 7 I want to see you less I want to spend less time with you I want to be around you less why because he's already seeing you the more there is no more and so your job in terms of uh when I we're talking about competition and we're talking about the uh uh the supply versus demand your job is to in the process of dating guys and you identify the guys that you like and you want to increase their desire in you your job is to find that perfect balance where he can enjoy some time with you but it's never enough that it feels like he wants to see you less you always want to leave him with the taste that I want more of you I want to spend more time with you I want to spend more time around you I want to spend I I want to go take you on more dates I want I want to be around you like you want him to be the one saying I need to be around you and be with you more we need to take this to the next level and the more scarce you are you just chip off a little bit for him you just chip off a little bit for him just chip off just a small little little bit little bit of access little bit of this little bit of that here and there here and there and you just keep him in a constant state where he's like ah it's it's not enough please I I need more please okay and you keep him where he's just he's it's almost like he's aggravated that he can't get more of you and he's frustrated that he can't get more of you but it's such a good place for you to be in and and the thing about it is the problem is a lot of you when guys get in that state where they're frustrated where they're like I'm not getting enough of you give me more I want to see you more I want to take you out on more dates see you get a little bit anxious yourself because you start thinking to yourself well if I don't give you way more you're going to get bored if I don't give you way more you're going to get uninterested or I want to ease your anxiety and ease your frustration by giving you more of myself like you're asking for see here's the thing about ego okay that I need you to understand men are also looking for you to make things easier on them by giving you more of yourself that they cannot be in a state of anxious frustration wanting more of you because that is like hard on the soul to be in like almost like a constant state of desperation but the thing about it is when they're in a constant state of desperation that's when you're going to get the best version of them right in terms of how they treat you in the relationship but when they're in a laid-back state where they feel like they've got enough of you they see enough of you they don't need any more of you they're kind of good on you it's all right what you're doing it's not too big of a deal they're not super fr ated or need to need to have you more in their life right that's when you get a lazy man or a laid-back man or a man who's not trying to jump out the window and do the absolute most for you that's how you get those men that start off uh being the super amazing gentlemen going around the world and back just for you and then all of a sudden it starts to fall off a cliff because he gets comfortable right not just in the relationship but he gets comfortable and secure with his position in your life and in your mind he gets comfortable with the amount of access he has to you and so he doesn't feel the need to continuously put his best foot forward this is why I say it's a balancing act because you always want to be aware of how much access am I giving uh to you and should I be scaling that back so you can continue Desiring me even more right and it's a balancing act because you don't want it to be so extreme and so little access that you give to him that he actually genuinely thinks you're uninterested in him in him or you don't like him or you don't want to spend time with him it's that you give him just enough to meet the threshold of okay he knows that you're still interested or like him but it's never enough for him to feel like he's actually getting you for real for real in the full sense okay so competition is very important are we on the same page so far I want to make sure we're all on the same page right um U Missy America says I can suggest that's Thompson suggest what what was it what was it right uh the the face parlor paint parlor says be a bad textor uh but have amazing energy with them that's actually a great Point that's a great point that um the face paint parlor mentioned right one of the other ways when you're talking about uh availability right because availability is what's going to make him feel like there's competition versus there's not a lot of competition if you're very available it's not going to feel like there's a lot of competition if you're rarely available it's going to feel like there's a lot of competition so another one of those ways you can stimulate that is by not being a good texter sounds weird sounds strange but when you're not available over the phone especially over text 24/7 it's going to make it feel like you have a lot of time that is being spent doing other things it's going to make you feel very unattainable and or unavailable and it's good to trigger that competition in a man's mind that hey there's a lot of people who want you there's a lot of people with eyes on you there's a lot of people competing for your time I must put my best foot forward in order to get access to you and the way this affects his ego is exactly how we'll mention in in the next one okay so I mentioned the mail gaze and I mentioned competition so number three let's talk about the prize or we can consider it the trophy okay so when we're talking about the prize I'm sure a lot of you have heard people say I'm the prize I'm the prize you're the prize everyone's the prize we're all the prize we're the prize together we hold hands and we sing prize by all okay now you can be the prize like I always say but you have to treat yourself like a prize and so if you're embodying qualities of a highly sought after woman right then you yourself become the reward and if you yourself are the reward then men feel good about getting you and getting access to you because if there's competition for you like I mentioned before and if they know that all the other men are also paying attention to you and they want you as well which is increasing your value in their mind right then getting you becomes a reward in itself now now very important very important you never really want guys to feel like they've totally and utterly won you want them to be feeling like they're just Out Of Reach of getting you even in a relationship and this is crazy I know for some of you be like this only works on men who you're not dating or this only works on men who you're not interested in or this does this doesn't work if you're in a long-term relationship it does work because even when you're in a relationship with someone they can still feel slightly unattainable to you you can still feel like H I just I feel like I'm not get I feel like I like you way more than you like me okay that's the same feeling it's the same idea it's the same concept because as soon as they feel like I feel like you you don't like me as much as I like you because I really like you and everyone else likes you and I just feel like you don't really like me that much what do I have to do to make you like me boom you've triggered it it right there you've triggered it you've triggered that that ego hit where a man is feeling like you're prize possession but not feeling like he really has the prize possession and he's just in a constant state of this like in internal slight frustration where I's like I you're the prize but I feel like I haven't won the prize yet when am I going to win the prize baby are you going to tell me when I'm going to win the prize I feel like I just haven't won it yet I just should I do more what do you want your you want you want your nails done your feet done which one you want you you want to go get your hair I I don't know I don't know what what more do I have to I feel like I haven't won I feel like you don't really like me I that's what I feel like I feel like it's not I feel like me and you were not really you don't really like me anymore right and you can actually trigger that amount of insecurity in guys okay because the ego hit for guys is winning the prize okay like that's the ego boost I've won the prize I've gotten the prize I got what all the other men were seeking for all the other men are desperate to be with this woman who is so valuable and they are peasants beneath my feet because I step on them and I show off the fact that I've won the prize that every other guy wants haaha I wank off in all your peasant faces right this is on a subconscious level what guys feel when they're chasing after the dream girl or when they feel like they've gotten the dream girl what do they think about it think about it think about it what does a guy immediately do when he's gotten a dream girl he tells everyone how he got the dream girl and how he won the prize because he's proud of winning this prize so if you don't present yourself as a prize possession or something to be one I know it sounds like I'm objectifying you I'm not I just want you to understand the concept but if you don't present yourself as a prize or something to be one something to be aame something that everyone wants well then how do you think he's going to perceive you and treat you as a priz then he's not he's going to treat you as someone who is mundane he's going to treat you as someone who is regular or average he's going to treat you as someone who is you know he's indifferent to I'll give you a news flash okay and this is on topic with what we're talk what we're discussing okay I want to ask you guys a question and I want you to be very very honest with me everyone in the chat be very honest with me right now okay I want to ask you a question in your relationship whether it be your current relationship or your most recent one do you think that your man had a quote unquote celebrity crush that they would consider uh you know is like if I ever meet her yo like this is my hall pass right they had a celebrity crush where they felt like yo if I meet her you got to give me a hall pass because she is just absolutely you know different right let me know in the chat I want you to be super honest with me don't lie to me tell me the truth if your last relationship or the one you're currently in he's got a celebrity crush where he's like baby if I ever see her you got to let me go for it because she's just amazing right uh I see a lot of people saying yes I see some people saying no uh some someone said tell me tell me who it is actually for those of you who say yes tell me who the celebrity crushes I'm curious I see I seen one person say uh um galad do I see one person say uh Jen Aniston Gabrielle Union okay I see ice spice Megan Fox Rihanna okay tiwa Savage Mila Kunis Ariana Grande H Berry okay Angelina Jolie NE along wow cash doll Ira star interesting t okay Jessica Alba Sandra bulock it's never Kim Kardashian I've actually haven't seen one person say Kardashian isan cardi B JLo Ella May wow Megan Good salmahayek okay interesting wow okay so this is great I'm very glad that I touched on this Billy ish that's an interesting one I'm very glad I touched on this see here's the thing I don't want to burst your bubble and make you feel like garbage okay I need this is going to sound really strange those women that you just mentioned as amazing and awesome as they are they're all amazing and awesome those are still human beings okay all of those human beings that you just mentioned they take poops okay they still have to eat food right they still breathe oxygen okay they still take showers at least some of them unless they're really dirty most of them take showers okay right they still have anxiety they still feel sad some days they they're happy some days they're frustrated some days they have stress in their life okay my point being is those are human beings so I need you to understand if you're in a relationship or have been in a relationship where your men feels like yeah you're cool but if I ever met so and so hey you might have to take a back seat because this girl is it she is the dream she is the be all and end all that if I were to get her wow my like I know it's impossible I know it would never happen but she is like here you're here but like she's here so babe if me if me and her ever met or she asked me out on a date you know you got to just you you just got to let me go because she is you're but she is and what you're inherently acknowledging when you're in a relationship like that is that you are not the dream girl I know that sounds painful and I know that sounds a little bit shocking because you probably thought it was very Innocent but you're acknowledging to yourself and your relationship that you are not the dream girl you are not the be all and end all whatever qualities you possess whatever personality you have whatever dump truck whatever yitties whatever whatever it is you're here but there is another person who is here and I know some of you might be like but that's a celebrity she's an actor she's a singer she's a rapper she a model she's a this she's a that no no no she's a human being and she's a woman you are also a human being and you're a woman if the person who is closest to you committing their life to you does not see you as the Ultimate Prize then you have a problem you have a problem because if he sees you here and he sees another version of women up here what what exists in this space between women that aren't the celebrity crush but just are better than you so then what happens then what happens when he meets one of these in between women they're not quite the celebrity crush but they are better than you what happens I'm actually asking because it's easy to imagine to yourself oh it's just the celebrity crush and it's something so unrealistically Out Of Reach and impossible to happen that it would never happen which is why it doesn't even offend me and which is why it doesn't even bother me when in reality the distance between you and the celebrity crush you're not realizing that there's space in between that and so while some women might not all be the celebrity crush that is an acknowledgement that there are other women who he could come across that he would consider better than you that he would consider a better opportunity than you that he would consider a better prize than you and then it becomes clear to you why your man that you're in a relationship is not treating you like he would treat his dream girl because you're not why he's not pursuing you like he would pursue the girl he thought was The Ultimate Prize to him because you're not and you notice how every guy's dream girl is someone who he would basically never have a chance with has either never spoken to or maybe rarely ever spoken to and probably doesn't even have an acknowledgement of his existence which should tell that in itself should tell you that a guy's attraction to a woman is not at all based on how attracted that woman is to him or how accessible that woman is to him it's actually based on the opposite on the contrary right his attraction to a woman and his desire for that woman is actually based on his lack her lack of availability to him and the fact that she is not interested in him okay Mino says it's based off of a fantasy so then why can't you embody the fantasy how come you can't be a fantasy that he barely has access to I know it sounds really stupid and really dumb and just like a whole game but I want you to just absorb the psychology behind that and I want you to absorb the fact that you can embody a fantasy while still being real it's like actually possible okay the same way you fantasize about guys that you're barely actually with he barely even he barely even talks to you and he barely even acknowledges you and even if he does uh talk to you uh you're like thinking that he uh wants you more than he actually does and you're putting yourself in a whole dulu is the culu situation um when in reality it's not that right so you can fantasize about people that you're actually with okay you can trigger that in men still and the reason I brought that whole point up is because when we're talking about the prize if you're going to be the Ultimate Prize then you have to embody the Ultimate Prize you can't embody see the Ultimate Prize is not desperate the Ultimate Prize is not needy the Ultimate Prize like we talked about is not available the Ultimate Prize is not uh seeking validation from him okay I just have to be real with you that's why she's the Ultimate Prize because she's in high demand there's lots of competition for her everyone wants her and no one has access to her so the reason I bring that up is because I want you I want that I want that what we just discussed to literally like stick in your mind and for you to never forget it that way as you go on into your relationships you can you you can be thinking about I want to make sure I'm embodying a dream girl and not a regular everyday mundane girl because when I embody the dream girl I will receive dream girl energy from him and dream girl Pursuit from him if I embody some mundane girl who gets used and and and disregarded of by every other man well rest assured that's exactly how he'll treat me he'll treat me like trash this is why I Tred to make it so clear to you guys that value is based more on perception than it is on actual quality and how if you can control that perception well then you can control his view of you and how he respond responds to you and approaches you right manaco says dream grow energy equals magnetic energy 100% right uh Rael says uh rahil sorry says is this not childlike Behavior well when when did we ever stop becoming children we're we're all children at heart we just grow into bigger bodies but the things that affect us and get us to respond and Trigger us to give a particular reactions and responses don't really change that much okay okay they don't really change that much the same way if I if I did I could do this to a child and I could do this to an adult if I were to have two items that were the exact same items and I put one locked behind a golden box with a whole bunch of locks on it right and made it look really fancy and really important and then I just put one on the table in front of you and I asked you which one is more valuable which one is more expensive right you would likely say the one sitting inside the box is more expensive and more valuable even if they have they share the same price the same way a child would assume that's just based off of your perception of what is value value is something that is hard to get value is something that is scarce value is something that is not readily available to everyone okay and when you can start thinking like that you can start reminding yourself when you're getting ready to trauma dump on your date when you're getting ready to tell him about how all your exes mistreated you and how all your exes how you forgave all of them 30 times after they cheated on you 30 times and uh it took you uh 3 four years of being mistreated before he finally broke up with you and uh went on with a new girl and that was your last relationship before you start trauma dumping to him about that you can be thinking huh when I tell him about all the guys that mistreated me is that going to make me sound and look and feel like a dream girl or is that going to make me sound and look and feel like a girl who gets disregarded and thrown away and nobody values because like we talked about before the male gaze is not just about how he views you directly or how beautiful he thinks you are directly it's also about his recognition of how all the other men are viewing you as well very interesting but it's very true okay right does that make sense to you guys so uh we talked about the male gays then we talked about competition and the prize now number four I want us to discuss challenges okay so obviously if you're going to be rewarded with any sort of prize right unless you're getting a participation trophy I don't believe in those but for those of you who have gotten participation trophies or believe in that aside from a participation trophy if you're going to be rewarded for a prize right or a trophy you're going to have to do work for that Prize or trophy so subsequently you also if you're going to embody a prize if you think you're the prize Well then that means inherently there has to be challenges that come with attaining you and the reason I say that is because if there are not challenges then men don't feel like they have to had to actually work in order to get you see the prize of getting you is an ego boost in itself but you also have to understand you're confirming the fact that you're valuable to him while he's pursuing you by giving him challenges in order to get more access to you so if it's too easy for him he'll feel like there's a misalignment between his perceived value of you and the fact that it's very easy to get more access to you because in his mind if your perceived value is very high then access to you should be very challenging vice versa if your perceived value is very low then access to you will be not challenging whatsoever he won't have to say much he won't have to do much he can just give you a couple of words and phrases and love bomb you and tell you how he wants to make you his wife and you'll be so over the moon and so desperate for anyone to love you that there you go now you're at his feet on his on your hands and knees ready to sniff his butthole and do absolutely anything he wants for you for him sorry and be a slave to him not in a hot way okay and that's the problem when you aren't con constantly trying to at least at least I know listen I know it sounds toxic let's just call it toxic if you want to call it toxic and you're like that's toxic cool we call it toxic you want to call it manipulative that's what you feel okay it's manipulative at the end of the day you'll get what you want you can call it whatever you want though so what I'm talking about though you also you need to be aware of how much you're challenging men especially in the beginning of your relationship how much you're challenging them to get more access to you and also how easy you're making it for them here's here is your problem here's your problem when you don't like a guy very much you make it very challenging for him to get access to you which is why those men like you so much more because there's challenges associated with you and it confirms all the thoughts he's had in his mind of how valuable you are so everything is working how it's supposed to work but when you do like a guy a lot you're naturally inclined to make it easier for him to access you because you want him to access you because you like this guy and so because you make it easy for him to access you even if he thought you were valuable as he begins to get more and more access to you so easily without putting in any work your value diminishes in his eyes and so what happens he subsequently puts in less and less work into getting more access to you because he doesn't feel he needs to he doesn't see the value in you and so this is the tricky part um in relationships because it's not just about how guys treat you that you don't like or you're not interested in it's about how you get the guys you're actually interested in to Chase and pursue after you while you hold your water relax and receive okay so that's why I'm breaking down this understanding for you so you can be thinking about that even when you like a guy even when you're interested in a guy even when you want this guy really badly that you can be thinking okay I know I want you badly but I even more than that I Want You to Want Me badly so there's I'm gonna stay put I'm not gonna you know uh do a whole dump I'm not going to act out a character I'm just gonna stay the course right do what I know is going to make you desire me the most and just keep it where it is I'm not going to give you easy access to me even though it's painful for me to make it challenging for you because I want to make it easy for you I'm still going to make it challenging for you I'm still not going to make it easy on you right even though I like you nobody gets that easy right and I know that's painful and I know that's hard to do but you'll be doing yourself a service in the long run because then you'll have him in a position where he is constantly in Hot Pursuit of you instead of being in a position where he's laidback relaxed and he doesn't care if you uh want to be with him or not because it doesn't matter because he's already got you right does that make sense and so let me discuss some challenges because I know some of you guys are like can you give me an example of a challenge and things like that so an example of a challenge would be uh so let's say you start dating a guy uh right away and then as you're dating this guy uh let's say in the first week you go you go on let's say two dates in that week and so those two dates were planned they were scheduled all that good stuff and then he says oh uh so um actually next week I'm super busy um and I don't know if I'll be able to see you next week can I just see you tomorrow instead right and he's texting you this asking you this can I just see you tomorrow what's going to naturally happen is if you went on those dates with that guy and you and you you really like him and you really like where this is going you're going to be like oh well I really like you I like how this is going and yes we went on two dates this week but I love spending time with you so yes you can see me tomorrow I'll clear my schedule or I'll do whatever I need to do to to be with you cuz I want to make it easy on you to see me and I want to build this intensity up real fast what I want you to do instead is challenge him and say no actually I'm not free tomorrow I can't do things last minute my only free day next week is let's say Friday if you can't do that day then you're going to have to wait till the week after and you just leave it there then you put the onus and you challenge him to say if you really want to see me that bad you'll clear your schedule for next Friday and be available when I'm available or you'll wait till next week and you'll schedule me for 2 weeks in advance both of which are good but see you're doing him you're you're almost like doing him a solid by making it so hard for him that the only way for him to continue getting access to you is by continuing to be intentional about you and the relationship you see that uh y know says uh it's it's like you have boundaries right yeah a lot of times even boundaries can be a challenge because natural when you really like a guy you you want to throw away all the boundaries you want to give him go anywhere you want don't worry about any boundaries just do anything you want say anything you want do whatever you want I like you a lot so I'm going to let everything slide but you see when you make it challenging and sometimes even when you set boundaries that's a challenge in itself where guys have to actually overcome those challenges in order to continue getting access to you because when you when you said set it up like that when you set up your relationships in a way where it's like okay well if you want to see me right and you're saying you want to see me so badly I'm free this day and I'm free that day my schedule is not going to change or budge for anyone or anything if you are in such deep desire for me you can see me on this day or that day if it's not that important to you perfectly fine I'll go do something else but those are my free days right and you kind of leave see you leave things to the men to say to themselves hey um yeah okay uh I I wasn't free that day but I know I want to see you so I'm going to get free that day okay even something as simple as that as making him schedule his life around you and your availability instead of you instead of you scheduling your life around his availability and and taking off shifts or taking off work so can spend more time with him right that is a challenge in itself because in order see the thing about it is as he continues to com um have to overcome challenges to get more and more access to you and overcome more obstacles to get more access to you he becomes increasingly invested in the end result of him actually getting you and you become more important to him because of how much he's had to sacrifice to get you I I guarantee you a guy who had to drive 6 hours to see you is probably going to treat you a little bit different than a guy who uh just uh uh sat um at home meanwhile you Uber to his place okay why it's not because you're any less valuable to one guy or the other but the amount of investment a man puts in you will also reflect how he treats you and how he goes about you because that investment right if you walk away from him you take that investment with you so you if he invests a lot of time and energy and money into you and you walk away from him or you're no longer interested in him or you don't want to date him anymore you're taking that time energy investment and money sometimes with you that's why guys become more attached to you when they're more invested in you that way that's the same reason why someone like Shira is teaching you guys how to get men financially invested in you cuz that's also investment it's just in a different way but I like to focus on how to get men emotionally invested in you right it's it's the same it's the same idea and the same concept is just going about it in a slightly different way right because that investment is what makes it very painful for men to walk away from you and it also is what holds them at Bay having them treat you the right way where they don't want to do anything wrong that will have you walk away okay does that make sense so far I know a lot of you guys love Shira so that's why I mentioned um I mentioned that right when I said investment so uh that the male gaze was number one number two we talked about competition number three uh the prize number four challenges now number five I want us to discuss uh reflection so after he feels like he's gotten you or at least feels like he's gotten more access to you than all the other peasant men okay what's going to happen is you have to understand that this is what happens to his ego you as the priz you as something who is valuable you as someone who uh uh is a representation of the most valuable unattainable woman in all the land when he finally is able to at least say this is my woman what ends up happening is yes you're amazing I'm acknowledging that you're amazing and you're awesome and you're all the that good stuff but he also and even more importantly for the guy he looks in the mirror and the fact that he was able to attain you or obtain access to you becomes a reflection to him of himself and this is really how the ego ties into everything because when you can make yourself actually have be perceived as having value and you can treat yourself like the prize and have him treat you like a prize when he finally feels like he's getting more and more access to you you become a self-reflection of his own view of his own self-esteem and how good or successful he is in life as a person and the thing about it is when you're able to when you are the vessel through which someone can a guy specifically can feed and boost his own ego well what do you think he's going to do he's going to take very precious care of you because without you what what happens his ego is destroyed if he gets access to the prize that everyone wants and he gets to say I'm with the girl that everyone wishes they could be with and then you walk away from him what happens to his view of himself he no longer gets to validate himself and his ego through the uh expression of being with you so there's a lot of pain associated with you not being with him because he's began to uh uh use you as the embodiment of how important or successful he is as a man he doesn't get to brag to the other men and say look at all you peasants I step on you with the bottom of my shoe you scum he doesn't get to say that like he's on the top of the mountain when he's not standing next to you anymore because you represent his power you represent his success you represent uh his ability to brag to those other men I know it sounds very uh not straight but it is straight still I just need you to understand how this plays a role and how men think okay you become like his ability to brag now there's nothing wrong with that I'm not saying you should all be trophy wives or anything like that but I just want you to understand there's nothing wrong with you becoming his uh ability to brag why because if you walk away from him or or you he feels threatened that you might walk away from him there's a lot of pain associated with that there's a lot of pain associated with that because you are the representation of why he gets to brag to the other men about the prize that he got if you walk away from him he no longer has that in his pocket to brag about and so what happens to his self-esteem what happens to his ego it's crushed and see when you can attach yourself to a man's ego because of what you represent you're so much more powerful within his mind because of that and you hold so much more wait and see this is where everything we talk about comes into play because now when you withdraw your energy what does that do it makes him feel threatened in the relationship it makes him feel like you might walk away from him it makes him feel like you don't want to be with him anymore let me let me just do this here right and because it makes him feel like you don't want to be with him anymore because you're withdrawing your energy now he's like wa wait wait wait wait you represent everything that that that that makes me you know me and makes me amazing to everyone else so you can't walk away from me uh you you seem to be withdrawing as if you're prepared to walk away uh please uh let me know what I must do in order to fix this and adjust this because no if you walk away this is not good for this is not good for me right I know it sounds selfish but I just need you to understand that inherently the best way for you to get a response you want out of just human beings in general but specifically men is to figure out how you serve that individual man in the ways you serve him and I'm when I say serve him I mean just how what do you do for him that is valuable to him right and affects him because you know that when you walk away those are the things you're taking with you so if you represent this prize and this value that he then Associates uh with his own self-reflection of himself and how he views himself then you also know as soon as you with draw that energy from him he becomes threatened that oh my God I'm going to lose the thing that is making me so valuable to everyone else I'm going to lose the thing that is inherently part of the reflection of who I am as a man and what do you think's going to happen when you withdraw your energy and he's in that state he's immediately going to want to think about how he can fix and adjust that because he doesn't want to lose access to you as opposed to you not being the prize or or being some mundane remember you're underneath his dream girl you're like you know you're here you're cool but his dream girl is up here when you're mundane like that and you don't represent uh this this Prize or this extreme value that makes him feel like oh I got what everyone else wanted well then when you withdraw your energy and he feels like you're disinterested or you might walk away nothing happens because he doesn't feel threatened with the fact that hey I'm going to lose the thing that is representing my value as a man because when you're valuable and you're with me then I inherently feel like I'm valuable because you chose me because all the guys also wanted you but if you chose me that must mean I'm more valuable than all the other guys right does that make sense uh someone says can you repeat this uh I just joined um I this is I'm going live also on my YouTube so if you want to rewatch all the points that I just made you can go on there on my YouTube it's right above my head just type in my name on YouTube and you can rewind it's literally available for you right now I'm I'm live right now on YouTube also okay so does that make sense to you guys are we all on the same page so far do you guys have any questions about what we just discussed right uh someone says uh but what if you hurt his ego and he dumps you uh if you hurt his ego and he dumps you well then maybe he's just too insecure I want I also want you guys to be very understanding that these methods that we talk about like triggering a man's ego to get him to pursue you uh these aren't going to work on men who are insecure okay these also aren't going to work on men who are not prepared to like do anything hard because like we mentioned with dating apps there are a lot of men who are what we call in the Players Club we call them microwave men the reason we call them microwave men is because they want everything quick easy and painless the same way you would put something in a microwave when you don't want to spend time cooking it and and and simmering it and doing all this extra stuff you just pop it in the microwave those are microwave men they exist a lot and they're very prevalent on dating apps because the guys that go on dating apps are looking for something very quick easy and painless okay which is why they hop on a dating app because it's a lot easier to open up your phone and start typing messages and literally just taking your index finger and swiping left and right than it is to get dressed brush your teeth do your hair nice uh get her haircut look good go out uh uh have good chat see some girls be funny be interesting be charismatic right that's way harder than just taking your index finger and going left and going right and so the microwave men the men that are looking for the most quick and easy painless thing as possible they're going to find it very difficult or they're they're not going to be happy when you have any sort of push back that does does not make it quick easy and painless for them okay those aren't the men you're trying to attract anyways that's what I want you to realize so the men that this doesn't work on because they're insecure or they just want it so quick easy and painless that they're not prepared to do anything hard you don't want those men anyways those men are microwave men and they're probably looking for you to chase after them because that would be the easiest version of a relationship for for uh them and I don't think any unless I'm mistaken I don't think any of you in this uh show in this CH want to be chasing after the men I don't think that's why you're here okay right uh does that make sense uh Vivien says how can I make myself seem unattainable again after being too needy well okay the very simple answer it's a lot more complicated than this in terms of like the details but the simple answer is you have to withdraw okay you have to withdraw and you have to withdraw totally you can't fake withdraw you have to actually withdraw and you have to you have to withdraw in a way that doesn't seem like you're bothered but it seems like you're disinterested so what I mean by that is when you withdraw from men you have to withdraw by just not speaking to them not blocking listen not by blocking them okay that makes it seem like you're bothered you um withdraw by not texting anymore not calling not answering call not nothing but you keep them on the socials you don't unfollow them um you don't block them you don't remove them as nothing you let them still see you living your life you just act as if they never existed when you withdraw like that it's going to put me the men that are interested in you it's going to put them in a very desperate and anxious State because when you flip the script like that the men the men some men that aren't interested in you they'll just be like whatever some men that are interested in you even if they're just a little bit interested in you but you've liked them more they're they're going to be thrown out of it's going to be very very uh troubling to them when this happens because you're going to trigger their insecurity that why don't you like me why don't you want me and so what's going to happen though is when you withdraw it's actually going to work too well and a lot of you are going to become uh very scared because he's going to start pulling all of the tricks out of his bag to get you back in the position of chasing after him because that anxious frustration that he feels is not comfortable and he's going to start saying things and doing things to get you back in uh the good graces where you're the one chasing after him the problem is when you guys hear everything that you want to hear from the guy and he starts talking how you've been wanting him to talk you go back to chasing and then he pulls away again right you don't want that you don't want that uh someone said tell all the tricks that's exactly what we do on this on the show that's exactly what we do on the show all the time right does that make sense Vivian says how long you should you should you not answer I kind of talked about that in another show so go on my YouTube and you can uh uh I have some maybe I'll make a whole show dedicated to how to withdraw properly but I talk about that in in a lot of my shows okay so you got to go watch the other shows in order to get all of that detailed information okay so that being said those of you who are new here are in for a treat but those of you who've been here know what time it is tell you better spam it in the chat what time is it what time is it chat tell the new people there's a lot of new people in here tell the new people what time it is Discord time it's Discord time it's disc time it's Discord time okay those of you who are new here are in for a treat you probably have no idea what Discord time is you probably have no idea what this show is you're probably very confused that's good confusion is good it uh it's going to take you somewhere special okay so Discord time is when we read out questions in my Discord if you have a question for me please just go into my Tik Tok bio my my my bio on my page and you can submit your question in the Rel Rel ship advice section if you are in the um on the YouTube chat you just go into the uh uh the pin comment or at the bottom of the description if you're watching this afterwards and you can ask your question there okay so these are questions submitted by members of The Players Club so Holly asked for advice okay Holly says hi Thomson I was in a situationship with someone for 3 years and was very happy dinner music deep uh interesting conversations and pineapples I'm 53 he's 40 okay uh last is that cougar cuz some of you guys were saying anything 10 years age Gap that's cougar I don't know uh last summer uh something shifted he started spending more time uh with me uh he was investing staying the weekend doing things together and even started uh talking about living together okay how many this was three years okay uh I thought he was maybe trying to level up in life with me because I made I make double his income and have a beautiful house and he rents with housemates how old is he again he's he's 40 with housemates okay uh he was I'm not going to shame he was really trying to sell me on the idea of you being his housemate I actually would have loved that but I didn't really believe him you would have loved to be his housemate I had never hinted at wanting more then a few months later in November he sent me a message saying that he had a knee a knee injury I hope he doesn't ask you to pay for a surgery or something weird like that I have not seen him since last November strange he texted uh regularly to tell me how much he misses me but the recovery time kept getting longer told me he hadn't uh been working and his life was a complete standstill so I moved on good also he hadn't been to work in the last 5 months I did check that how how did you how did you check that uh so he messaged me a couple of days ago hi beautiful how are you you should have been like how is your bank account that's what you need to be worried about before you message me after 2 months of no communication because I no longer initiate I was uh I was longer telling him I miss him I have learned from you Thomasson okay oh sorry you meant say I was no longer telling him I miss him okay good uh I was thinking I should ignore it and make him beg but I was unsure if it was a legit injury should the same rules apply after 24 hours I replied how are you he replied I'm good back at the gym getting my strength back I replied I'm so happy for you that's amazing he said I am a woman of few words to which I replied yes sorry I'm a terrible texter much better in person he said you text like me I left it at that on with my day 3 hours later he asked if I was free that day you you know you know what's I just love I love hearing these things because it just it just proves to all of you amazing people that when you just sit back and do nothing guys will guys will do everything for you and it's funny because I know a lot of people who may have gotten anxious when a a guy says you text like me and you know woman a few words you might start thinking okay maybe I should be more interesting over text but Holly has been listening to me clearly and she's not trying to be more interesting over text she just left it at that and it's funny because you be thinking oh maybe I should remind him hey uh you should take me out on a date that's how you should see me more and maybe when I tell him that that's when he'll realized that no no no all you have to do is do nothing just like Holly did and she left it at that and lo and behold 3 hours later he's the one that asked if she was free uh to hang out that day not that she should say yes to that but I'm just helping you get an understanding that guys will they'll come up with the idea themselves um she said I I said I can't I'm busy another time good he's going to reach out again soon to try to see me I don't know what to think honestly I'm over it uh but would like him back but if not I I'm being played so am I being played um okay Holly I I like your question what I want to say to this though is I'm not here to tell you how you should live your life or what what your preferences should be but I do have to be honest with you about the experiences I've had and knowing how relationships uh have gone in my experience in knowing other people and seeing how relationships go whenever a guy is in a situation where his girl is making double what he makes and you have and there's such a large like there's nothing wrong with there being a little bit of a gap between what you make and what he makes but when there's such a large discrepancy between the incomes here like you guys are grown adults so like this is like your income now like this is like unless he does something drastic or makes a drastic change like this is how it's going to be for the rest of your relationship so that being said when there's a drastic Gap in your careers like that and in your finances like that I know you can probably support that because you make so much more than he does and it's not an issue for you but what I find is that in a relationship like that the man only grows to resent you because of the lack of masculinity he feels in the relationship that he doesn't feel like he has as much resources as you he doesn't have as much Freedom as you and the fact that truthfully and honestly if you make double what he does he's really as strange as it sounds he's going to have to ask you to do anything you know what I mean like aside from being able to just barely take care of barely take care of himself he rents with his housemates he's 40 aside from being able to just barely take care of himself he really can't do anything else with his money he he can't really go out on extravagant dates he can't really take too many trips probably he anything that he would want to do outside of just barely taking care of himself he would have to ask you for help on that that is extremely emasculating I know your intention is not to emasculate your man but I do want you to understand how that process of of continuously happening and that Dynamic on an ongoing basis will start to make him feel as if um uh he is less than a man and he will grow to resent you even though you're not the one purposely trying to make him feel less than a man he'll just resent you because of that Dynamic and the thing about it is it's one thing if let's say uh you were making 10 million and he was only making 5 million at still he can support himself he can still pay for things he can do for you just as much as you can do for him but there's a big difference between you making 10 million and he makes 5 million and you make double what he does and you have your whole house right this discrepancy and he's like barely able to support himself barely like by the skin of his teeth able to support himself and some months he's probably living he's probably if he rents with his housemates he's probably living very close to paycheck to paycheck and so this is not to shame him okay we all have to grow and learn and adjust and get better but if he's in a position like this where you know his situation is this tight it's not going to bold well for the rest of your relationship when things are only going to get bigger and more extravagant when I say extravagant I just mean like there's going to be even more burden he's living like a college student right now at 40 and if you're going to be building a relationship I don't know how you feel about having children at 53 um but if you're capable of having children or open to the idea of having children or even adopting children whatever it may be right or even just combining your children I don't know if you guys are at the age where you both have maybe he how can he have children actually I just realized that how can he have children if he has housemates but I don't know my point being is that things are you're like they're going to get more expensive when you guys combine your lives together and they're going to get expensive for both of you cuz either you're going to have to start paying for you and him or he's going to have to start dishing out at least some of his money to support both of you to like help out at help out at least you know what I mean right and either way it just it's not a good it's not a good Dynamic it's not a good place that you want to be in so I honestly think for this situation I don't I don't want to say what you should or shouldn't prefer but I just don't think for the position that you're in Holly if you're because I do remember you sending in a previous message talking about you're in shape you've got your life together you got your career path your hobes your friends and all that good stuff I just don't think that you you should be looking to be with a man who who can barely support himself I just don't think that that is a sustainable situation for you okay maybe for him it's there's a lot of benefit because he gets to attach himself to someone who makes double the income but for you the the only real benefit you're getting is the is the companionship and that you don't feel lonely but in the end in exchange for the companionship you kind of have like a Leach I don't know it just makes me I can't cast any aspersions on him or his character but it just makes me very uncomfortable when we're in a place like this where he can barely support himself housemates at 40 years old and you know he's trying to build a life with some how if you if you're ah I I just how can he even take you he can't even really take you out where no nowhere nice to eat he can't afford it if he's leaving like this it's not good it's not good it's not good everyone's different I know some people are 5050 people and are okay with going 50-50 me personally I'm okay with just paying for everything but I understand not everyone would be like that okay um and some people might like want to do the 50-50 thing but this doesn't even sound like 50-50 this sounds more like you doing 80/20 okay uh so next we have here let's see uh we got uh KY okay I like that name ky ky says how to take my power back excuse me I talked about this in a live show but let's answer your question hi Thompson recently I have been binge watching your videos and I realized I did a bad job of being a golden retriever to the guy that I liked he uh strung me along for a long time he's a he has n nistic Tendencies of course he isn't diagnosed so I couldn't really tell that for sure uh but given the way he dates people his cheating pattern and the way he never thinks uh he is accountable for his actions says a lot this is your I hope this is your ex uh a guy you liked okay so maybe you didn't even date this guy okay however I walked away without saying anything to him I'm glad for you thank you I just uh sort of disappeared my only mistake was I didn't block him after a few weeks of not uh responding to him anymore he unfollowed me and blocked me perfectly fine the trash took out itself I feel that uh I have lost my power when he blocked me no no no no no KY no this is your ego Playing Tricks on you oh my God I I really don't like when you guys do this this is your ego playing a trick on you because you want to be the one that walked away from the relationship and you feel hurt that he tried to make it seem like he was walking away from you now you feel the need to like get your get your stuff off by getting the last word or saying the last thing or sending him one long text uh to to tell him how you feel and how he wasn't the person that you needed him to be and all don't do it you're going to spiral and you're going to make yourself look like a fool okay I hope that's not what you did I was actually starting to feel better when I stopped talking to him but then when he blocked me it hurted a bit you see your ego's hurt I hope you oh God I know he did that to get a reaction out of me but it sent me to a spiral oh I I told you this is ex ah I I I don't read these ahead of time guys I I knew this was going to happen I knew it I knew it I ju I just knew it I knew it once once once I hear that you know you're bothered he blocked you I can just I can tell I can smell that you're itching you're itching to get your stuff off to just tell him off and send him one big long text or voice note about everything that oh my God never it doesn't do anything what is he supposed to say I apologize he won't sent me to a spiral and since then I've wanted to Shackle my hands cuz I've been itching to text I haven't read this ahead of time I hope you guys know I've been itching to text him and ask him why he blocked me how do I get my power back in this situation clearly I have lost you haven't at least that's how I feel it's just a feeling and it's just your ego being blocked and it feels so bad I have never chased him okay so don't don't start now nor bombarded his phones with calls or texts good don't I just simp I just simply stopped talking I don't know why I deserve that block it doesn't matter oh my God update I know you're going to hate me kyy kyy but I just texted him and I can't do this I can't I can't I can't do this with you guys I can't do this with you guys today I just I don't under I don't understand I don't understand why you would do that I don't I don't understand why you would do that I don't understand it why why would you do that why would you do that why why would you do that it probably only took me a couple of days to answer your question what's today today is June what today is June 26th you couldn't wait a couple of days from oh my God I I just I I thought maybe you were going to say you held out and namaste I texted him and asked him why he blocked me it's just so tragic it's so tragic his response was why do you still talk to me I just are you happy casy did you get the answer that you wanted to get and I said I didn't stop talking to you what are you doing what are you doing no no no like what are you actually doing what's the purpose of this what do you mean you didn't stop talking to him as if like you're actually open to the idea of like seeing him what are you doing no no no like actually what are you doing okay okay and you sorry you said didn't I stop talking to you what's the point though I just just don't get it he he then said okay so why does it matter if I blocked you or not he's actually so correct it's actually very it's he's so correct it's painful why does it matter if you stop talking to him he literally he literally he called you an idiot to your face and you're actually looking like an idiot cuz if you don't care then why does any of this matter why do you care if you don't care what do you want from me he said he actually making you look like an idiot you you see why I say don't do this because you'll look like an idiot not to shame you and not to put you down KY but I need you to see the error in your ways this looks very bad you you thought you lost power before you actually lost your power now you you look very foolish and I told him that I was just surprised and never expected that you would do such an emotional reaction what is the what is the purpose of anything here then proceeded to block him on everything I guess my ego is hurt and his audacity that I should have done the blocking not him casy never do that again never ever do that again Focus your time and energy on the on the people that you actually want to be in your life as soon as you identify that a guy is not the guy you want to be in your life cut him out of your life and never look back okay I'm at least I I don't know how weak you are because I hope I don't get a message in the next week from now saying so I unblocked him I better not get a message from you a week from now starting with so I unblocked him because this doesn't sound like you're really finished with this situation sounds like you still have some stuff you want to get out I need you to let go of your desire to just get get it off and to say one last word and to really stick it to him and show him how bad it was that he treat no no no just let it flow through you and be like you're not the person I was looking for I don't have time to acknowledge you or think about you or put any brain or thought power into you my only focus is on the guys who are prepared to be the guy that I need in my life that's all you're focused on okay because remember this isn't about a a guy listen your approach and your and your and your relationships will look very differently based on your mind frame when you walk into a relationship and you're thinking to yourself I'm here because I'm here to judge whether or not you're the person that I'm looking for you'll approach relationships very different than when you're going into the relationship thinking to yourself I hope I can be the one that you want to be with cuz when you're thinking like I hope I can be the one that you want to be with you're going to be try to be very likable you're going to be try to be very agreeable you're going to try and be nice and pleasant and easygoing and in the end he's just going to utilize you and ignore you and not pay attention to you and you're going to be doing desperation acts like this so KY you need to change your mind frame from do you like me or not to do I like you or not and if if I don't get out of my sight that should be your approach to every relationship from now on and I hope your next message does not start with I so I unblocked him it better not okay uh next we have here uh let's see okay next we have here BBL Drizzy okay this is uh wow I let's buckle up let me take some water for this okay Beck says BBL Drizzy I have no idea where this is going this okay uh hi so my main problem while dating is always being pineapplez I am curvy and uh top and bottom heavy how can you be top and bottom heavy I just sounds that just sounds funny then okay I dress modest I love a crew neck and a maxi skirt that's the one that's like really tight right guys like that's like it's like skin tight the maxi skirt right uh however it seems like I'm only ever approached by men who call me pineapple I just I can't say that word uh or along those lines right uh I usually just don't respond uh to men like this but I'm wondering if there is something else I could do to avoid receiving these type of messages someone said it's just a long skirt oh it's long is it tight is the Maxi one tight or is it uh like is it like a looser would you be able to see a dump truck in the maxi skirt uh let's see here like this but I'm wondering if there's something else I could do to avoid receiving these kind of messages and how I can uh reach men who actually want something more than just pineapples do I fish through the bad ones till a good one comes along and I also and no I've never had surgical enhancement so you basically just have to say I have volumptuous yies and a massive dump truck but it's all natural and all the guys love me okay uh that's pretty that's pretty uh uh funny FX um someone said it's long doesn't mean tight uh fitted okay so we'll say it's fitted right depends on the material okay so I just wanted to get an understanding uh cuz she said crew next so you're busty beex is busty um so here's the thing if you're busty right and you you're Miss you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal here the reality of it is regardless of what you wear you're going to be busty okay like it's not the women who are like busty even if you wear something that's only slightly you know um accentuating your curves because you're so curvy people are going to notice the curves okay your your bustiness is going to be busty regardless and so that's not really something of course if you're wearing something super tight it's going to be even more accentuated but it's not like you can really hide it unless you wear a garbage bag you're not going to be able to hide uh your dump truck if it's that big and your volumptuous yitties if they're that volumptuous okay so let's just be for real on that you're not going to be able to hide it so guys not approaching you because they can't see that is not really a realistic solution to your problem you have to accept the fact that yes guys are going to approach you because of how volumptuous your yetis are and how massive your dump truck is however that does not necessarily mean that every guy who approaches you is only interested in that right and even and even if they're initially interested in that that doesn't mean that they're only uh willing to get to know you if they have access to pineapples so if you know for you specifically beex if you know that a lot of guys are going to approach you because of how busty and volumptuous you are then you should be hyper aware that you do not want to be giving them any sort of uh pineapple access to you where they can be satisfied in that way without you actually knowing if they're for real or not so my advice to you is when guys approach you if cuz I'm sure a lot of guys are going to approach you and tell you all these stories about how they want to make you their wife tell you all these stories about how they love to put a baby in you that's really just dirty talk it's not that they actually like you that much um but I say that to say um let them talk but then also do nothing and see which ones are going to try to show you that through their actions and leave those men to really uh basically fend for themselves and see who's going to fight for their right to have access to you and give them Absol literally give them absolutely nothing so for you Becks for someone who's this volumptuous and this uh you know busty and you got all this going on I would even say on these first dates with these guys don't even kiss them give them nothing nothing nothing nothing pineapple or in the pineapple realm uh that they would even have their mind on that and then see which men are willing to stick around when that is not even a possibility or even seems like it's something that could happen in the near future for someone like you that is very uh pinopolis don't don't talk about it don't discuss it don't mention it don't kiss guys don't don't do anything with your hands feet or mouth nothing nothing nothing okay nothing that way you ensure that the guys who are spending their time with you and around you are getting nothing from you and the only way they can continuously be there on a consistent basis if is if they plan on building something with you not if they uh have hope of actually getting with you and then you can judge by a man's consistency or lack of consistency if he's really serious about the relationship or not that's my best advice to you okay BBL Jersey BBL all backs uh that was funny next we have here here uh let's see analina okay okay let's see analina so anina's is titled friend zone analina says I have a friend uh with whom we used to hang out we used to hang out who is we you and your man okay sometimes uh went to a pub like you oh sorry you and this friend okay uh we went to a pub often text texted got to know each other but at the same time I didn't have any feelings for him okay uh later I started feeling comfortable with him and thought we would be a great couple how did how did that transition like that uh however uh we had a conversation about it and he initiated it what do you mean he initiated it at first he asked how I perceived him and I said he was handsome and a smart guy he replied that he felt the same about me later he referred to us as friends how much later are we talking in the same conversation and I said we are strange friends he guessed that I perceived him slightly differently and answered a little bit sorry he answered a little bit like we're a little bit strange friends I just what after he told told me that he considers me a friend and doesn't feel enough connection wait what I thought wait what just happened so this is happening over text you said he replied why okay why why would you have a conversation as serious as this over text and alino if like this is actually like how you felt I just you you're never really going to get an understanding of how someone really feels when you do have serious conversations over text I just don't get I don't get it I don't get why you would do it um so you go on to say he guessed that I perceived him slightly differently sorry later he told me he considers me a friend and doesn't feel enough connection between us so there you go he said all he needs to say even though we talk every day and he often says I'm interesting um did you not hear what he said before he doesn't feel the connection so Point Blank period now you're done pursuing done it done it back off I replied that I understand did you really though let's see later he called me bro okay so now he's really he's he's pouring it on thick here don't embarrass I hope you don't embarrass yourself and I asked him to not call me that okay so now you look bothered okay you're losing a whole lot of power here here he told me I'm beautiful and oh so he's just playing with you great he told me I'm beautiful and interesting and he wants to continue being friends because he's currently going through a depressive period after breaking up with his wife so what purpose do you think you serve in his life then and Elina what purpose do you think you serve in his life if you're telling him how much you want to be with him he's telling you you just he just wants to be friends but he's telling you he likes having you around because he's going through a depressive period after breaking up with his wife you are an ego booster you're not even a rebound cuz he doesn't want you actually he just wants you to make him feel confident in himself again so that he can take that confidence and go give it to another girl that's exactly what is happening okay let's go on let's continue and wants to have fun with other girls look look look I I I I tell you guys all the time I do not read these ahead of time so when I say this and then the next sentence is exactly that it's not an accident okay it's because this is actually what happens with guys I actually know how they think I'm not just talking talking out of my butt okay he's literally telling you I'm going through a really deep dark depressing State I want you to build my confidence up so I can go have fun with other girls he's literally telling you that literally telling you that the question is why did it happen this way and why didn't he feel the same as I did what do what do you mean not everyone is going to feel like you as much as you like them did I make this all up in my head and how to build this connection and is it possible to change from status of friend to something more like does this spark uh uh like does this spark that he talks about uh come straight away or is it later and why does he even want uh me to want to be my friend I think for this guy it's more interesting to hang out in a male friend group of friends okay thank you for your message an Elena I know you're confused and I can see where your confusion comes from let me answer this uh question here uh directly why he wants you to be his friend um because you serve as an ego booster like I said earlier you are the person that will tell him how amazing he is and how much you want to be with him that he will feel like someone wants to be with him because he just got out of a situation where after divorcing his wife he felt like she didn't want to be with him think about it what did he what did he let's go back here what did he ask of you he asked you how you perceived him and then you went on to say you're a handsome and smart guy so what do you think that does for his ego oh I'm you think I'm handsome and smart you think I'm so much more handsome and smart than my than my ex-wife ever thought I was so you're basically saying if you were my wife you would stay with me and be with me right oh yeah I am that guy right you're building him back up so that he can take that confidence that you give him and he can go date other girls with that new found confidence that you're giving to him that's why he wants to be your friend okay it's plain and simple and even before he knew that you were interested in him you still serve the purpose of being a placeholder of someone he can spend time with that he doesn't actively have to be thinking about how depressing it is to uh be divorced from his ex-wife and now it's even better for him because anytime he wants that hit of confidence that dopamine that feeling of I'm important that I'm matter that someone cares about me he just calls you up or he texts you and he basically says how interesting am I how important do you think I am how much do you want to be with me how much do you like me and he just gets you to validate him over and over again and every time he'll do that he'll sneak something in like this he'll tell you you're beautiful and interesting to try to stimulate you giving him a bunch of compliments guys like validation too so he knows if he tells you something like this and gives you a little bit of hope that maybe he's interested in you you'll tell him all the ways that you want him and would love to be in a relationship with him and then he'll be like oh tell me tell me again how you want to be with me tell me how badly you want me oh am I not the most amazing guy you've ever met oh good enough and you're literally validating him just like that he's he's getting off on your validation and you don't realize it because you think every time you're validating him that you're just showing him how badly you want to be with him and you're letting it be known by communicating what you feel but the validation is only serving as a way to boost his ego that he's going to take that and give that to someone else so in terms of how you can change this around I think your answer is as painful as this sounds is to literally end this friendship and let him decide does he care enough about you to actually make this more than a friendship or does he not care that much that he doesn't want to have you around and see here's the thing he might come back and beg for you back just because he wants your company but you need to be clear that if he's coming back it's to build a relationship with you not just to have you continuously be around so that you can make him feel good while he gets over his uh ex-wife and so I think think even the fact that he's telling you he's in a depressive state right now is telling you that he's not even prepared to be dating right now he's basically telling you I just want you to be a placeholder right now so you should essentially take your energy away until he's actually ready to be dating and actually ready to consider people and and and and see you as a romantic partner until then there's no need for this friendship whatsoever you'll just be wasting your time being in limbo next week we have here let's see who we got uh we got Jay Jay's got a coworker Crush okay let's see let's see what Jay has to say okay Jay says uh cooworker Crush hi I'm a 35 uh year old female I just started a new job a couple of months in uh a couple of weeks into being there I noticed a fellow coworker in a different department okay he's a man that has liked me a few times on hinge interesting hinge not good okay but interesting that he's you've already liked him he's already liked you uh the first uh I think I ghosted him oh so you guys actually spoke on hinge and the second I think I just ignored him how did you how did you match with him multiple times okay uh in person he is much better looking and now I've developed a bit of a crush on him that's why it would have been just better to just meet him in person in the first place why I hate dating apps we live in a major city inside and outside um we live in a major city and inside and outside our paths have crossed a bunch of times since starting my new job however we never really talked finally a couple of weeks ago I went into the break room at work and he was there alone he spilled his coffee yeah he spill bu his coffee uh when I went in I don't know if that's relevant let's go on and he uh made small talk about the weather told me I look familiar and we introduced ourselves he probably spilled his coffee cuz he was shocked that it was you uh usually I'm super talkative uh but I got so nervous that I could feel my cheek shaking oh my God your Squirtles shaking too right so I kind of cut the conversation short oh you're such a wimp I I plan to just play it cool and look hot and be at work and sit where he sits and make long eye contact to give him the hint I mean okay although my brother says that's not direct enough my brother says that's not direct enough I've seen him on hinge several times since but resist the UR to like do not do not Jay do not interact with him on hinge or Instagram or any social media you have now officially met this man in real life this is part of the addiction that I need to literally slap out of you guys you literally met this man in person you were alone with him in the breakroom that's how a lot of pineapp app videos start off okay it's great great for you to build something off of funny story he spilled his coffee you're so nervous your cheeks are quivering your mouth is shaking you're you're like a nervous breakdown instead of instead of thinking about how you can portray some confidence and you know seductiveness in person and make him desire you like the real you more you're on hinge again thinking about what could get itching to see what you can message him over hinge I I I need to slap this addiction out of you guys it is an addiction stop it stop it I'm so serious I know I'm really passionate but I'm so serious stop doing this it is hurting your relationships and it's hurting your ability to be desirable to men because because you can have this man on his hands and knees if you keep playing the seductive game in person not over message stop that you know this guy in real life stop that please please because if you're not yet confident enough in yourself to be able to like carry yourself in a in a hot seductive way that's attractive that will get men interested in you on the spot or like when they're seeing you and you don't have that energy to be magnetic and draw men in you know in real life you need to be working on that first before don't even pick up the phone because if you don't have that seductive desirable energy then even if you were to go out on a date he's you're going to be uninteresting to him anyways you don't even really know how to flirt this is not to diss you Jay and I know I'm very passionate but I just need you to understand your focus is in the wrong place and I can tell that you sent this message cuz you're itching you're itching and I know when you're itching like this as time is going on if you're not speaking to him you're going to start saying uh well maybe I maybe if I just send one maybe if I just send one message so he sees that I'm on the same I'm on the same Hing app as him maybe maybe if I maybe if I just follow him on Instagram and he sees that I followed him on Instagram then he'll know that you know maybe we have some sort of no no no no don't do that focus on trying to get your cheeks and mouth to not quiver when you're standing in front of him that you can portray some sort of confidence and uh seductiveness that he can be like damn I kind of like her I find her interesting you know she's got that energy she's she's attractive to me he's not going to feel that over message not over hinge not over Instagram not over nothing over the phone okay like you you've met the guy in real life and you're you're itching now to like him on oh God oh my God don't don't do this don't do this please okay because I don't want to make it awkward with work and I also don't I feel it's a bit juvenile since we're in each other's presence at work how is that how How would how we how have we how have we come to a place in the world where it's juvenile to be in each other's present at Presence at work but it's not juvenile to uh hide behind a screen and message them I just I just I I just um I just I'm not I'm not rolling I'm not rolling I'm not rolling okay you can make this very it's actually the most interesting this way because every day you're seeing each other you can see each other in the break room you can come across each other in different different parts of the of the workplace you can you have so many opportunities to be fun flirty interesting and walk away and be seductive without doing too much and all you can think about is how you can message him not to poooo you Jay but like I really want you to see where you're going wrong here but I also feel bad for coming off as rude when we talked in the break room no you came off as like like you were having a nervous breakdown instead of confident and seductive but hopefully it didn't come off that way thoughts well obviously I don't know everything that you did there but you're not coming you're not coming off in a way that's going to be seductive to him and desirable to him and so messaging him is not going to do anything for your desirability it's actually going to make it even worse in fact if I were you if I were you if I were you I would actually be purposely trying to block him on hinge and get rid of any evidence that you are the girl who liked him on hinge that way he doesn't think that he saw you on hinge before or anything like that leave no traces of you on hinge with him and around him that way he can be thinking to himself oh I met this girl at work and she's so seductive and amazing I I need to get to know more about her that way you don't even tempt him with the ability to message you either because what happens is if he doesn't have the opportunity or ability to message you either what's going to happen he's going to be forced to come up to you in real life so don't even cut out literally squeeze the life out of his opportunity to contact you anywhere else except for going up to you at work having a conversation with you and asking you out on a date in person because that takes the most initiative that takes the most uh desire that takes the most like actual effort and you're in a very good place if he's putting in that amount of effort okay does that does that make sense I hope that makes sense I know I get very passionate guys but this is the type of stuff that grinds my gear you met him in real life and then you're thinking immediately about after meeting him in real life how you can message him on the phone and you think that's going to help you think that's going to help your desirability it's not okay uh I say this because I love you guys uh Ki B says uh pulled away suddenly okay let's see what Ki B Ki B asked uh Ki B says after three months of fun expensive dates giving me gifts a birthday weekend and Late Night Calls we had pineapples okay I mean 3 months okay uh we became exclusive about a week later uh he revealed that he visited his ex-girlfriend who he has known a long time I uh the this is part of the things that I tell you guys you should be getting a very clear understanding of before you make a commitment to someone by giving them your mind body and soul because things like this will happen where um I'm sure the dates were good um I'm sure the expensive dates and the expensive gifts were great uh weekend nights and all that stuff were great um but you don't want to let all of that time be filled with him just telling you how great and amazing you are and how much he likes you that might fill your ego and make make you feel good but that doesn't actually serve you in terms of understanding if this is someone you should be giving your mind body and soul to the type of questions you should be asking and be prepared to ask and understand is knowing I always tell you guys one of the first things you should be knowing what happened in his last relationship why did it end how did he contribute to that and where do they stand now because if you're trying to build a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable or attached to someone else still you're wasting all of your time okay no matter what he says to you this is a perfect example of that he visited his ex-girlfriend who has known a who he has known a long time irrelevant how long he's known her okay and was close to her as a kid irrelevant irrelevant it's still his ex he says nothing physical happened oh yeah I mean cool nothing physical happened when you spent alone time with your ex-girlfriend I can I can trust that then he pulled away oh magic huh what a what a what a coincidence what a coinky dink nothing happened between him and his ex-girlfriend but magically after he seen her no more expensive dates no more gifts no more birthday weekends and no more late night calls it's been a week I want him back oh do you now there's been no contact how can I get him to return also do I remove him on social media I'm very sad Carrie B I'm going to help you come to a very painful reality the reality of it is he's still attached and has feelings to his ex so the answer to your question is how can you get him to return you can't until he's actually over his last situation that is the only way you'll even get a man who can be emotionally invested in you truly because even if he returns to you now in the state that he's in if his ex does return or in some magical scenario says I want to be with you he will immediately abandon you and leave you in the dust and go be with her it seems like right now he is very conflicted about what he wants at the very least and at the very worst he really wants to be with her and he's doing everything he can to convince her to be get back in a relationship with him it's one of those two either way this man is not emotionally available she he still belongs to his ex so any time you spend here trying to build a relationship with him and he's not over his ex is a waste of your time and as of right now he's still attached to her so do not don't you dare contact him unless he reaches out to you begging to be with you again don't you dare contact him okay I would advise you to as for right now don't do anything don't unfollow him don't block him don't do anything to stimulate anything just leave it as it is if a month goes by and he doesn't respond to you then you can just unfollow him you don't even have to bother blocking just unfollow him but when you unfollow him do not acknowledge anything he says to you after that okay it's only been a week now so let's see how things go but don't unfollow him don't text him don't message him don't like his pictures don't like don't want mute him on everything don't watch his stories nothing if more than you know two three weeks a month goes by unfollow him and never speak to him again even if he reaches out to you okay so that was the show for today I hope you guys got some value out of that um we had some crazy ones today if you uh if I did not answer your question don't fret I will be back again um tomorrow at 400 p.m. eastern time um and answer your question there on the Discord section of the show if uh you want to follow me on Instagram because you love me so much you want to see everything I've been doing since the beginning of time you can hop on my Instagram it's right above my uh head on the left side of the screen if you're on Tik Tok and on the bottom right if you're on YouTube okay and you can get access access to my Instagram that way if you uh missed part of the show you came early or you left early or you came late uh you can always access all of the show on my YouTube page for those of you on Tik Tok it's right above my head on the right side of the screen you just have to type out my name in the uh uh YouTube or you can just copy and paste my name or type out my name in the YouTube search and you'll find my page go in the live section you'll be able to watch this entire live stream along with all the other live streams that I've done uh and uh you'll be able to see uh the Youtube and Tik Tok chat embedded in the live stream which will make it really awesome all right so uh that's uh it's a really great experience that way you'll be able to see all the conversation okay so uh I am here every weekday Monday to Friday at 400 p.m. eastern time so if you want to catch me right on time I'll be back again at that time sometimes I'm a little bit late don't don't don't hate me okay uh until then goodbye AA Vista are uh Ava I will see you again later where we'll talk about love life and relationships and I love you so much until then okay bye for now