people love tommy shelby from peaky blinders he's a quiet introverted character and at the same time extremely charismatic while you don't want to be like tommy in every way there are eight habits you can learn from him to instantly command more respect from the people around you and even though peaky blinders is a scripted tv show all the psychology covered in today's video will apply to your actual life also this video has a few scenes from season 6 but no spoilers the first thing that you see from tommy is that he has slow relaxed movements when he isn't physically fighting he's almost never in a rush for example notice how slowly tommy moves in this next clip and how it instantly gives you the sense that he's above feeling intimidated talking to you mr shelby when you move slowly and comfortably in a situation where most people would be stressed it shows that you don't feel scared or pressured along with the slow movements there's a second body language habit you saw that helps tommy appear confident tommy is comfortable holding eye contact even during conflict right he's the oldest you're the thickest i'm told the boss is called tommy and i'm guessing that's you because you're looking me up and down like i'm a tart i want to know what you want well you're gonna die right yeah we talked about this briefly in the alfie video the one mistake you could make after watching scenes like this is trying to hold eye contact all the time but holding eye contact during conflict can actually escalate the tension if neither of you is willing to break so the goal isn't to never break eye contact it's just to know what your behavior signals to other people hold if you want to show you aren't intimidated look down if your priority is to de-escalate and if you want to diffuse the situation without projecting fear or discomfort you can hold eye contact for three to five seconds and then break to the side instead of down at a high level tommy's ability to command respect in moments of conflict comes from the fact that he's not reactive to hostility notice how much confidence tommy can project without even speaking being non-reactive shows you feel confident in your ability to handle whatever is happening it's hard not to respect someone who keeps their cool in situations where most people would lose it here's another funny example of just how non-reactive tommy can be he researches his enemies that's why he's been chosen i am jose i'm jones could the chosen one smoke this is obviously an extreme example and hopefully none of us will ever have to deal with trying to keep cool with a gun to our head but it's a good example of how tommy's non-reactivity projects confidence under pressure of course the goal here isn't to fake that you're okay while freaking out on the inside it's to cultivate a genuine deep internal confidence we'll talk more about how to do that at the end of this video there is one more quick body language habit you should steal from tommy if you want to command attention specifically in large groups be as big as your audience gail up your hand gestures when you're speaking to more people but the main thing is a bunch of despite the provocation from the cavalry no fighting but it is you my friends who must suffer the cuts in wages and in dignity and you must not complain because that would be unpatriotic moving beyond body language the next way you can command respect is by focusing on how you speak the first thing you notice about tommy when he speaks is that his word choice shows conviction specifically when he talks about his plans for the future he doesn't say i hope to or i want to but i will just a few more years to go and you will change your ways and i'll change the world beyond word choice you can show conviction with just your tone many people do the opposite ending in upward inflection making statements sound like questions this gives the impression that you're unsure of yourself as an example compare tommy's tone in this next clip to genus what are michael's real intentions towards me gina and if you lie i will now tell me he intends to complete the deal and then you both walk away so if you want to show conviction with just your tone end your statements in a downward inflection similar to his slow relaxed body language tommy also has a slow speaking cadence and uses pauses between words to hold attention the pause is the moment when you're not speaking but ironically it's the moment you can pull people in tommy does this by pausing when you most want to hear what he has to say you know michael when you're dealing with a very powerful enemy taking revenge sometimes requires time you have to pick your moment that moment will come you may worry that speaking slowly and pausing a lot will lead to people cutting you off the way you can prevent this isn't by rushing to finish or giving up on your thought halfway through but by continuing to speak in that same slow speaking cadence until you're at least finished your sentence watch this next clip as an example you can model for context that ticking in the background is a bomb as a member of parliament for this constituency it is my duty to take responsibility for the welfare of is still ticking consumption of opium is very prejudicial now there's one more important thing to cover when talking about why tommy shelby commands so much respect he doesn't have to shout or raise his voice because either he knows what you desperately want and can give it to you or he knows what you desperately fear and can prevent it so his quiet words carry massive weight as an example let's go back to earlier in that chosen one scene when they first threatened tommy you were one decision away from death mr shelby so stop smiling tommy projects confidence because of everything we've spoken about so far in this video but why is he able to be so calm and non-reactive under pressure because he knows he's not actually in danger watch why your name is r.e o'donnell you have a son at the cherrywood road school in harbour he has arms on his legs his name is shawn he comes last in every race poor boy poor boys the race was important we touched on this in our first tommy video and it's one of his defining features he wields tremendous power over people using carrot stick motivation now obviously we don't want to be threatening to murder children so how on earth can you actually apply this to your own life well let's say you want a raise or a promotion from work a lot of people would just go in and say hey boss i've been working here a long time i would really like a raise can i have more money very focused on i not very persuasive how could instead you apply carrot stick thinking you could say hey boss i feel like i can add more value to the company and play at a higher level what would you need to see from me in the next three months to promote me work with your boss to create a concrete list then nail everything on that list at the same time go out and get other job offers in three months you can show all the value you've created for your boss carrot and if they back out from the agreement you can tell them that you want to stay but you have other offers that pay more if they're unwilling to give you a raise that's the stick no murdering of children involved now while that plan is extremely likely to work most people don't have the confidence to execute it you might think that building that kind of confidence will take you a long time or maybe you even think it's impossible for you that you could never actually build deep internal confidence but building confidence is way easier than you think with the right game plan you can become significantly more confident in just a few weeks if you want the fastest way i know to take your confidence and charisma to the next level you should check out our program charisma university rather than tell you about the program myself here are a few things that past members have said i've been interviewing for jobs recently i went through the confidence practices right before and i hit the interview out of the park it allowed me to focus on the first impression and establish report right from the start charisma university has made a huge difference for me because it taught me the power of connecting with the person you are speaking with this next one comes from a guy who got promoted to a senior position early in his career he says i don't even have a bachelor diploma yet they want me to fill this position and when asked why this was the answer you have great social skills which is rare for an engineer you can think quick on your feet and you are open and self-assured in your demeanor thank you so much for all that you have taught me you have truly changed my life because without cu i wouldn't have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes and lastly one member writes thank you so much for this program after going through charisma i've made more friends have higher self-esteem and can more easily talk to people i don't know i've solidified my values and i know who i am the program is literally guaranteed to change your life that means you can take the entire course and if you don't think it's worth every penny you can give yourself a full refund from right inside the program if you want to see if charisma university is right for you click the link on screen now or in the description below either way i hope you enjoyed this video i really appreciate you taking the time to watch it and i hope to see you in the next one [Music] you