you locked your family members out of the house is this one of those stupid pranks like I cannot stand pranks these days they just they go way too far and I've said this so much y'all know that just that rouss me up so I'm prepared to get really mad about this happy apple picking day just as our usual reminder if you want a chance for your story to be featured on am I the Bad Apple you can send it to my subreddit or/ I the Bad Apple and another one of our usual reminders we all all come from different branches of the apple tree meaning we all have different experiences in life and those experiences shape our perspectives and our opinions so we might not all agree with each other in the comments while we watch this video and share what we're thinking and that's okay sometimes you can just agree to disagree sometimes someone can teach you something you didn't know sometimes you can teach someone else something none of them are wrong answers so without further Ado let's get started with this week's episode of am I the bad Bad Apple let's go apple picking Apple number one am I the Bad Apple for punishing someone else's kids hi 19 female and the child of divorced parents I live with my single mother 75% of the time and have constant visitation with my father in his remarried family I have two half siblings six female who will call S and four male who will call C my siblings AKA my stepmother and Father's children are both Miracle children my sister was conceived as after almost 7 years of IVF and because of that my stepmother who will'll call R cherishes my sister like a goddess it was such a difficult process for a while they really thought that would be their only child together few years later they had my brother a second Miracle child which surprised everyone cuz the doctor told my stepmom that there would be a slim chance of that ever happening and yay for my dad cuz now he has the son that he always wanted so fast forward to today now that I'm working and doing at home college classes I go to their house even less than I did before I go for about 3 Days Every 2 to 3 weeks when I can't make it for a weekend I try to take time out of my day to FaceTime my siblings for an hour just you know to keep that relationship when I do go over there I try really hard to make sure I play with my siblings I will admit it does get to be a lot especially since I'm 19 and I'm way out of my toy phase and my little sister just always wants to play Barbie so about a month ago my stepmom walked toward the front door turned to me who was playing with my little sister with Barbies and told me that my brother was napping on the couch and that my dad was doing yard work she instructed me to make everyone's lunch cuz she was going to be out for a few hours to make sure that my dad stayed hydrated and to make sure to wake up my brother in 30 minutes then she walked out the door and shut up behind her I sigh and told my little little sister that I'd be right back I got to the kitchen got my dad a little energy drink that he liked took it out to him through the deck in the living room then went back to playing with my little sister kept an eye on the clock and made sure to wake up my brother like cloth work exactly when my stepmom said that I needed to once he was awake I turned on a little show for my siblings to watch while I made lunch for everybody took my dad his lunch outside to him while he was working and then sat with my siblings and finally ate myself at the table by the time we were all done eating my dad finished to yardwork and went upstairs to shower and change my siblings started fighting over a toy and the fight ended with my sister hitting my brother of course I scolded her and put her in timeout because violence is not okay I had her sit in a different timeout spot than the normal timeout spot because that spot's right by the door and I figured my stepmom would be home soon and I didn't want her in the way or getting hit with the front door seemed like perfect logic to me their household's rules of timeout is that they must remain calm for f 5 minutes before they can move the longer they cry and complain the longer they sit there since my sister was screaming at me saying that I wasn't her mom and I couldn't do that to her she sat there for a total of 23 minutes before my stepmom returned when she walked into the house to see her precious daughter sitting in timeout she started yelling at me saying that I couldn't punish her daughter and that I wasn't her daughter's mom I responded by telling her the situation and why she was in timeout but nothing I said got through to her and she just continued yelling at me you know what I snapped I then yelled at her that I was the one that she put in charge I continued saying that a punishment was needed and that if I had waited for my dad to come down like she insisted I should have done s probably would have hit our brother again I ended the rant by saying you left me alone with your children for hours without any any prior notice and just expected me to parent them so I did I parented them maybe next time you shouldn't walk out on your own kids and just be a mother to them instead of handing them off to their stepdaughter who can't get a break I'm only here a couple days a month and you want me to spend that time babysitting I was so tired of it I ran up the stairs and shut myself in my room my dad followed me in a few minutes later saying that he was folding laundry and heard everything he sat down on the bed next to me and told me that he he understood why I was angry but that my stepmom was right I wasn't their mom and I should have gotten my dad to handle the situation I understand that they're right in that regard I'm not their mother but I was put in charge I feel like I was justified to punish my sister for hitting someone it's not like I'm 13 trying to be the discipliner I'm 19 I'm an adult at least adult enough to watch them all day so I just need to know was I the bad Apple this is one of those situations where those of you who have kids of your own might disagree with me and maybe my opinion is the way that it is because I don't have children that's very possible and if you think so then just like let me know you might I you might not change my mind like I still might hold my opinion but you know perspective is everything experience is everything so I personally think it's really weird when when other people are in charge of children at the time and parents are like oh no if they do something wrong you can not discipline them well then I don't want to watch your child if I'm in charge and they're breaking rules and they're hitting people or whatever whatever it is that they're doing and I'm not allowed to put them in timeout I don't want to watch them why would I ever put myself in a situation where like your kid is allowed to roam free do whatever they want with no consequences like No And I totally get like the dad was there she had the option to get the dad but was the dad there like he was literally upstairs listening to the argument and didn't do anything and you know I I don't know how long he was in the shower for but more than likely he was out of the shower and also listening to either the young children fighting and hitting each other or the young daughter in time out screaming about you're not my mom for 23 minutes you're telling me he wasn't like concerned about maybe I should go see what's going on let me see why people are yelling like what that to me is such a red flag such a problem oh yeah I heard you yelling with your sister and I heard you trying to put her in timeout and I heard you yelling with my wife but like I decided not to present myself until after the conflict uh after the conflict finished but yeah yeah you totally should have come to get me for like conflict res solution what do you mean what like that makes no sense to me none like can you imagine if kids in school were hitting people and teachers were like okay suspension detention whatever it is and a parent was like you can't do that I I mean they do they do do that they do try to say that but like we understand it's ridiculous so no I I I even know people in real life who like their kids will be out and about with like a group of other kids and their kids will hit or scream or like do things that they shouldn't be doing that they are old enough to know not to do and if another adult is like hey Jimmy we shouldn't do that they will flip out don't discipline my child well okay then you discipline your child I don't what like I don't I don't get it oh and I understand that there are there are lines there are boundaries like if I was at a park with a bunch of people and someone had a kid and their kid was doing some things they probably shouldn't be doing unless that was directly impacting me no I wouldn't say anything because it's not my business it's not my child but if their child is hitting another kid I would probably say hey let's not do that if their parent wasn't getting involved and and the dad wasn't getting involved the dad was just upstairs folding laundry like you're telling me he didn't hear any of that I mean he he literally listen to the at least the latter issue with the stepmom and the daughter and like didn't come down I just to me the parents seem a little bit red flaggy um and I totally agree that when your babysitting and whether they siblings or not if you're babysitting and the kids you're watching are hitting each other then yeah time out is pretty reasonable at least that's my opinion okay parents you can let me know if I'm way off base but I personally don't think so so good apple for me Apple number two am I the Bad Apple for telling my sister to get over her daughter's race what what both me 33 female and my sister 27 female are Caucasian Latinas the thing is my sister has always been much more tan than me a fact that for whatever reason she's been very proud of for reference my skin tone is closer to Aubrey Plaza's while hers is closer to Gina Rodriguez's when we were younger she would constantly talk about how European I looked compared to her how my hair was so much lighter and how certain colors looked awful on me because I'm just so white I almost never said anything cuz I was 6 years older and had better things to do and also while I did have insecurities like many girls do I never doubted that I was beautiful fast forward to now we both have kids my husband is more tan than me and both of our children eight male and three female have the same skin tone as their father my sister's ex however was a very pale Swiss guy so my niece five female is a very fair skinned girl with dark blonde hair while my daughter is much more tan and has very dark hair everyone agrees that both girls are very beautiful but for whatever reason their skin tones have always bugged my sister she insists that both girls are equally tan and that her daughter's hair is light brown and that my daughter just spends too much time in the sun last week we all had dinner at my father's place and my son brought his notebook and Drew pictures of everyone at the table he colored my daughter's skin a darker shade than my niece just for reference he colored her orange and my niece pink he also gave my niece yellow hair and colored my daughter's hair black he was so so proud of these drawings and wanted to show us to them but my sister frowned she then yelled at my 8-year-old son for exaggerating his cousin's features that he should at least make her hair darker when my niece said that she loved the drawing of her my sister said no no no it looks nothing like you he's clearly drawing you like that on purpose before the kids could get upset I quickly pulled my sister aside and told her that she's being ridiculous we ended up having a little fight in the Next Room and near its end I said something along the lines of listen to me your daughter is white we are all white you need to accept that and stop comparing the girls if you don't want your daughter to become insecure about her skin we left shortly afterwards and none of the kids brought any of that stuff up again my sister though is pissed at me she told both of our parents who were divorced about the fight and our father thinks that I shouldn't have commented on my niece's appearance at all and wants me to apologize to my sister my mom says that this fight is dumb but my sister is definitely overreacting I agree this fight is dumb I just I need to know how wrong I was before I go and apologize so was I the Bad Apple this is another one where I'm clearly going to lack some experience okay I don't know if you guys can tell but I'm pretty white okay I know that's a shocker to everybody right but yes I'm a white lady so I clearly don't have the experience of being a part of a different race and like comparing myself in that way so for those of you that do have that kind of experience I would love to hear your thoughts about this because I I definitely don't want to be way off B I don't want to be insensitive I only have like my own experience and like my experience as a teacher seeing young girls teenagers um mostly compare themselves and have insecurities and things like that but again like I don't I don't have this experience so I'm definitely going to be looking to you guys for some help on this um but for me my biggest concern is the fact that like clearly the sister I think has some insecurities in regards to her um identity I think revolving around the shade of her skin and like she's clearly very very proud of her Heritage she's very proud of identity and I love that for her but I'm I'm very concerned that kind of exactly what op said that I'm I'm very concerned that she's going to make her daughter insecure about being lighter you know skin color is like the number one thing that we can't control we're just kind of born with it and all skin types are beautiful but again unchangeable we can't do anything about it and so my big concern is just the mom like the sister the mom of the of the lighter child giving her daughter the the idea or the mindset that she's not beautiful the way that she looks or and I that that makes me sad that that makes me worried you know um and I don't I don't know if this is is common I don't I don't know but I'm having like just with my experience um I'm having a hard time not seeing op as the good apple cuz again I think that the the O op like the original poster the ant is really just concerned about first of all you're yelling at an 8-year-old because he's drawing a picture and he's just drawing what he sees like he doesn't understand the idea of being proud of your skin color and being proud to be darker he doesn't get that he doesn't understand that that's the mentality that she has and that's okay he's eight he's not going to get it I think that yelling at him that he's doing something malicious is doing something on purpose like that crosses a line and I definitely think that op has a right to stand up for her child in that regard when her sister is yelling at an 8-year-old boy for just drawing his cousin with the hair color that he sees cuz like let's be honest like he drew them orange and pink are they orange and pink no those are the Crayons he had available and those are the colors that he associated with the closest to would you have cared if he made you blue I just think that that the and then on the second hand I think that that the the mom um like the sister the one the one who's like the insecure one I think she has some major Beauty insecurities that she just hasn't been able to get over and I think she projected them onto her sister for most of their lives and now I'm just concerned that she's projecting them onto her daughter and I don't think it's crazy or wrong for op to bring that to her attention and let her know hey you need to like look at what you're doing you're going to give your daughter some insecurities I personally don't see anything wrong with that and again I don't have experience with this so if there are any women of color who can tell me what I'm missing or explain it to me to us you know I would love to hear your perspective if I'm way off face you let me know that's just the opinion that I have based off of the experience that I have lived so um until you let me know otherwise I am going to go good apple apple number three am I the Bad Apple for refusing to babysit my nephew I 23 female and fighting with my sister 29 male because I refuse to look after my nephew I used to watch him in my free time to allow her breaks especially while her husband was at work she gets really overwhelmed since this is her first child and I try to be a support system for her but recently things have gone downhill I don't ask for money since she's family but I do ask for little favors like buying me Starbucks coffee or little treats along the way the last time I watched him she told me she'd be gone for 2 hours top but ended up being gone for like 3 and 1 half when she came back I didn't even get a thank you she's been asking me more often to watch him but the last time I did I felt really disrespected by her fast forward to today she asked me to watch him and she said she would pay me this time but it's for 7 hours that she can go to her friend's birthday party I'm a full-time nanny for a toddler during the week 11 hours a day Monday through Friday so I genuinely value my free time in the weekend plus I'm in the middle of planning a wedding so I told my sister look I love you both and I can help you find a sitter through the company work for but I just can't watch him that day she replied back that she was disappointed in me and shame on me and that she'll have to skip the party now I mean I understand why she wants me to watch him but she puts so much pressure on me cuz she only feels comfortable with me watching him and won't let anyone else babysit so if I can't do it she can't leave the house I mean I get it I guess but I matter too and my time matters too so am I the bad athlet for not looking after him I'm going to go with a hard note good apple all the way cuz listen I understand the phrase it takes a village I understand being a support system for your friends and your family and like people who you love who have babies I get that I think it's so important to be that support system but you already are that support system and at the end of the day you also have your own limits um and if you also need a break every now and then you are entitled to that break because it's not your child and if you feel like you are being pushed to the limits of your helpfulness then I I think that you know while I think it's great to be helpful and offer those breaks I think it's important I also think it's important for you to be able to live your life as well cuz again at the end of the day you didn't have a baby your sister did and I think it's so great that you've been helping as much as you have have um but you're right your time does also matter and if you're feeling like you are overwhelmed and you feel like your health is not appreciated I absolutely think you're entitled to also enjoy your weekend and I think that's something that should be acknowledged okay I I do not understand how difficult it is to be a new mom because I've never been a mop right I got these little fur nuggets oh I'm sorry I woke you up I'm so I just wanted to touch you you looked so fluffy I'm so sorry I have these fur nuggets and that's all I got and they're perfect in every way and I love them more than my own life but I don't have a human child so I'm not going to understand that but I can empathize in that I've seen I've seen my friends become moms and just kick ass with it right they are such good moms and I try to be helpful and help them out when I can that doesn't necessarily mean that I can give all of my free time to them all the time I also am a person who gets overwhelmed who needs to relax and luckily I'm not in a position where I ever have had to tell them no but I definitely understand the need to still be your own person even while you're actively trying to help out your loved ones I totally get that I support that be that Village but also take care of yourself right and I also I think it's also important to remind people who are accepting the help that I get your to D and I love that you have this support just you know don't take the support for granted and sometimes those who love you and are trying to support you even though you might think it's obvious how much you appreciate them I think just be mindful like to make sure make sure they know how much you appreciate them if that makes sense yeah cuz it does take a village and it takes uh you know everyone working together respecting each other acknowledging each other's hard work and dedication and love but at the end of the day it is uh two people's babies two people's babies alone and so I don't I don't think some extra acknowledgement of hey you didn't have to babysit for me today but you did and I really appreciate that thank you like or hey I said I was going to be gone for 2 hours but I was really gone for 3 and a half and I'm so sorry about that thank you I so appreciate that like it takes like 5 Seconds right like I don't think that's the end of the world just to make sure that people who are helping you know how much is appreciated so anyways long story short no I don't think that you're the Bad Apple for just wanting to keep this weekend for yourself like the 7 hours is a long time is a long time and while uh I or some other people might have chosen differently I don't actually know what I would have done in that situation I think it just kind of depends like for me it would definitely depend on the day and how I was feeling um so I don't know for sure if I would have done the same thing or not but that doesn't mean that I think that you're wrong for it even if I would have done it differently I I still don't think you're wrong for it Apple number four am I the Bad Apple for locking my family out of the house my parents live in the in-law suite of my house they pay rent to help me cover the mortgage but the house is completely mine their rent is about $600 a month that includes all utilities including the internet streaming services all the things my older sister is pregnant again yay she now needs a place to stay as her baby daddy has bailed out and moved back out of the country without her my parents agreed to let her stay with them and they didn't ask me but like I said they pay rent and they can do whatever they wish in their own living areas my parents do have full access of my house except for my bedroom in my office my dad likes to putter in the garage and plays with my dogs my mom likes to bake in my kitchen and work in the garden the basement has their own kitchen but it's smaller and she just prefers mine cuz it's better all around well now they want me to Baby proof all levels of my house I said why would I need to do that the kids aren't going to be in my area that's when my mom started saying oh but it wouldn't be fair to keep the kids cooped up in the basement all day I said what do you mean there's a huge yard a sun room to spend time in if they really wanted well my sister chimed in saying that she couldn't spend all her time cramped up with three kids in that one area I said three kids are you having twins or something like what do you mean three kids well apparently she was planning on watching her friend's toddler for money running a little dayare in my basement as well I said I don't have insurance for you to run a little business out of my house she said oh no it's it's all under the table and I really need the money that honestly crossed the line for me I said that I would be taking back the keys to my area of the house back from my parents and I was going to change the locks I said that I agreed to let my parents live with me cuz it helps them out they agreed to let her move in cuz she's irresponsible and can't figure out birth control I never agreed to let her use my home as a day home and I know that I don't want three kids here along with four adults my mom's mad that I'm going to lock them out of my area but my dad understands I honestly would let my dad keep a key but I know that my mom would get it from him and she would give it to my sister who would let the kids run all around I told him that I'd leave the garage locked the same for him and that was good enough for him so we're good my mom and sister though are so UPS set and are giving me the silent treatment my mom got my dad to ask me that if they pay for the insurance if my sister could then run her little dayare for her friends in the basement and I agreed but I did say that my sister should definitely pay for it and I'm still locking them out of my part of the house I don't think this is unreasonable or anything but am I the Bad Apple here I think that there's going to be some people with some very strong opinions about this and we might not all agree and that's okay that's fine we all have I think it's important to remember that like when we say boundaries are important everyone has different boundaries like just because something is a boundary Hardline for you does not mean that it's a boundary Hardline for someone else someone else might be okay with it or and someone might even make their boundaries a little bit more strict than yours and that's okay this whole thing feels like a really bad idea like I know me and I know that I can be such a doormat and so if this were me I would be so concerned that if I said hey this is my boundary I'm lock you can all do this in the basement whatever but like you're being locked out of the house I feel like over time I would get completely walked all over so my biggest piece of advice would be to just reconsider this entire Arrangement maybe not even reconsider but just think it over and evaluate like you know and I say that knowing that I I would be the one to get walked all over I I don't know if I would have the heart to kick everybody out um even though I feel like that would be the safest thing but I know that I wouldn't like I'm do as I do as I say not as I do kind of thing like I get that I don't think you're wrong at all for putting these boundaries down this is your house and if you don't want all these kids and all these people running around in various parts of your house I think that's your right are there other people who are going to think that that's ridiculous and that you should put the kids first yeah I'm not one of those people I also I don't have kids I don't want kids I would not want a bunch of children running around in my personal space all day every day that to me is a big boundary that I would have and I would not budge on I would not want that like that's the whole reason I don't have kids cuz I don't want kids running around in my first business all day and let me tell you I love my little nieces and nephews from all my best friends and I love loving on them and I love hugging on them and I love spoiling them and then I love giving them back and the problem is when you have that many kids living in your area and they have free range of the house there's not really a giving them back and so I I 100% agree with like if you don't want kids running around in your house yeah okay they're not around in your house and you might every now and then allow them to come up and visit if you want I would I I could see that as being reasonable everyone having like a family dinner every now and then like I think that would be nice but I think setting the boundary that like when you need your space and you're saying like Okay no you don't have full range of my house and you can come up here when you're invited but other than that I need my space to be kid-free and not have all these people running around in it I mean that's what seven people during the day that's a lot of people so I'm going to go um good apple on this one I think there's going to be some people who don't agree and that's okay I think there are some people out there who genuinely believe that their children come before you in your needs even in your own space and I just don't agree with that other people's kids they don't have to be your first priority and your concern and some people might not like that but you know it is what it is I will always stand by that that other people's children are not my first priority they're not I'm my own person I live my own life I have my own things that I need to do and I just I think that invalidating a whole person and their whole house because you have kids and you want to babysit someone else's kids like that what like I'll never understand how that makes sense to some people I just I don't get it but oh my gosh I got four Good Apples we got a whole sweet apple pie for this episode oh that's so sweet did you get the same as me did you get anything different I would love to hear what you got down in the comments and as always just another reminder if you want a chance for your story to be featured on am I the Bad Apple you can send it to my subreddit r/ Ami the Bad Apple and for your well wishes today okay first off it is National epilepsy awareness day so shout out to all of our friends who struggle with epilepsy if you don't know what that is this is a chance to educate yourself become a little smarter than you were 5 minutes ago highly highly encouraged taking a moment to learn about epilepsy and what it is cuz there's a lot of people in this world that struggle with it and that's tough oh how funny purple background for purple day and for those of you who do not struggle with epilepsy we have something both for our health nuts and for our friends with sweet tooths teeths I don't know what how you would say that it is both National nougat day and National spinach day so whatever side of the pendulum you are if you like all the healthy things if you like all the sugary things go find you one of those this week thank you so much for hanging out with me today I hope you have a great rest of your day and hope to see youall next week bye my lovelies