okay so you have been dealing with a narcissist and now they're falsely accusing you of all sorts of things they're smearing you they're telling you that You' they're telling the world that you've done all these things you know you haven't done anything wrong how do you deal with it how do normal reasonable people deal when they're under siege and under attack by the end of this video I'm going to give five things that smart people do when they have been falsely accused and this is your up toate guide for this year from me I'm Rebecca zong if we are just meeting welcome I so glad to meet you I'm so glad that you're here and together I help you become the best version of yourself by becoming powerful and giving you tools and resources that you can actually use to negotiate and communicate with high conflict personality so I invite you to stick around by subscribing and hitting that Bell and that way you'll get all the most upto-date resources right to you all right so today we're talking about what to do when you are falsely accused if you're dealing with a nurses you will be falsely accused because that's what they do especially when you're in that discard phase and you're dealing with the aftermaths and the effects of the end of the relationship so you're going to feel blindsided you're going to feel helpless you're going to feel like they're accusing you of things wrongfully and you can't believe that they're getting away with all of this that is totally normal but let me just tell you that there's no narc police or narc fairies that are going to jump out into your living room and go hey you're not allowed to do that let's go tell the world what's actually fair you know that's not how it works unfortunately but there are ways that you can handle this from a powerful perspective okay in a powerful way so the very first thing that I want you to know is number one understand why narciss use false allegations why do they do this false allegations are one of the nurses's most favorite weapons why because their accusations are designed to continue to have number one control over you they use lies to put you on the defensive to force you to have to focus on proving your innocence instead of actually getting anywhere and and or holding them accountable right so that keeps them in a position of control number two is it's to distract it's to distract from what they're actually doing wrong they want to shift the attention away from their own behavior and accuse you of being the one who's lying cheating manipulating all the things that they've been doing because now they can project it on to you and number three is to destabilize You by accusing you of something that's completely completely outrageous they aim to throw you off and and and and so that you are emotionally and mentally and in every way triggered by them because they will go after the thing that means the most to you so if you if it means a lot to you to be a really great parent they're going to say that you're a horrible mother or a deadbeat dad if it means a lot to you to that you have integrity they're going to call you a liar that's what they do they look for those ways that they can get under your skin right I mean it's it it's outrageous for sure and it's it's not okay but that is what they do and um I want to know in the comments what's the most outrageous false allegation a narcissist has thrown at you and I also want you to put in the comments I got this I got this because you do we're going to make sure that you do all right so the next thing is um the the thing that you want to remember and how smart people really handle this is knowing this information knowing that that they get supply from you and they're going to continue to get that supply and and as long as you're providing that drug to the drug addict which is what they are are they Supply addicts then they're going to keep coming round and that's why they move goalposts and do all the things that they do so the most effective way that you can deal with this is to stay calm stay cool stay factual stay detached I always say pretend like you're reporting the news never give them anything that's going to cause them to think that you're explaining justifying I always say I always we Jade because I'm half chinesee but never Jade so never justify argue defend or explain you always want to make it seem like you're just reporting the news okay I see that you are upset now I see that this is happening okay when you're done having your tantrum we can have a conversation you know just pretend like you have a microphone and you're just at the scene observing their behavior so observe don't absorb respond don't react right so if a narcissist says oh my God you're such a liar then you know or or you know you're a cheater or whatever just you know I understand that's how you see it thank you for the feedback I hear you um we can discuss this when you are ready to have a productive conversation so what this does is three things it acknowledges their statement um and you don't even have to do anything more than acknowledge I hear you I get it I I understand I thank you for the feedback and then the next thing is you are now starting to let them know that there's a new game in town that you're no longer going to be accepting or engaging in whatever it is that they're doing that drama trauma and Chaos you're just setting a boundry of how you're willing to interact and and what you're willing to accept and how what you're willing to engage with and number three it keeps control of the situation so you're now turning it around so that you are the one in control instead of them so if they accuse you of neglecting your children you could say I understand that's your perspective that's not accurate um but happy to share you know details of our schedule if you'd like to meet up um you want to have a a talk about the routines for the children whatever just go right back to the facts right back to the the issues you can negotiate contracts issues and terms but not your selfworth your self-esteem or who you are okay so you are presenting yourself as grounded confident and and believe me I know you don't always feel that way so if you need to go and vent later scream cry whatever you need to do go and do that but you don't need to do that in front of them because then you are giving them that hit of Supply that they definitely really need and want all right so by doing all of this now you're going to remove the power of their accusation and show that you're no longer easily manipulated and you get to maintain your dignity and control the narrative for a change all right so the next thing that's smart people do is they create leverage by collecting evidence and by documenting in the right way narcissists hate facts because they can't argue with them and they never think that you're going to keep track so that's why keeping track and documenting the proper way is your secret weapon I always call it the Magic Bullet that's why I have ai in my Sligh program that's it's my magic bullet leverage Creator I help you take your documentation and turn it into leverage and if you want to know more about that I have a free training you can go to Ians slay.com and it's all yours for free so let's say um they claim that you agreed to take the kids for an entire week and you never did or that they got to take the kids for a week whatever it is whichever way you can calmly say I appreciate your perspective Ive however um our conversation of uh June 3 states differently and um I'm happy to resend you a copy of that message if you'd like uh just you know be super nice about it like just factual basic all right so and if they um accuse you of doing something with the finances just say let's look at the bank statements let's look at the receipts I have what reflects the truth and I can share that with you or through our legal counsel but the key here is to stay calm present don't allow it to get personal you're not trying to convince them right you are just stating the facts there is a huge difference because you don't really care if they believe you or not now when it comes to what they're saying to other people they're falsely accusing you they are stating this to whoever wants to listen anybody on the street that they can track down to listen the best response is no response at all you're never going to be able to go around and talk to this person and talk to that person and convince convince convince I mean it's it's endless it could be infinite so remember that that will also give them that satisfaction that they're looking for so just don't engage with it just let them do whatever they're going to do but even if you go and deny it then you're engaging and they're like got him hooked him in made it happen so if they if if there's a barrage of accusatory texts out there you're never going to be able to reply to every single one and convince people that that's not true right just say is there something specific that I need to respond to take take a look at the wall of text emails or whatever and then just respond to whatever needs to be responded to while you collect your documentation while you collect your evidence while you build your case while you have a strategy for how you're going to present it and be able to get what you want all right if you need to engage the only time you're going to need to engage is if like you know there there's going to be some kind of illegal thing happening or it could harm your children or something like that and then it's very important once again that you only respond to it through calm factual statements we do not engage so if it's like a workplace situation you just say you know I take these allegations seriously and I'm going to provide the necessary documentation so I do have a free guide for you on a what to document you can get that at doc.com also join my free private Facebook group narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zong and that will help you as well so the final thing that smart people do when they are falsely accused in these days is to disarm their ego disarm their ego sometimes turning the tables with a calm question can completely derail their attack so if they say something like you're the worst person ever you're the worst parent ever you don't even care about your kids just say oh that's interesting why would you say that that's interesting why would you think that uh could you explain more about how you came to that conclusion um and really why is this works is not because you care how they came to the conclusion or what their explanation is it doesn't even matter at all but it forces them to shift the focus and explain themselves and it's subtly communicates to them that you're not rattled by their accusations you're not rattled at all so if this was really helpful for you then make sure you like this video and share it and and hit that subscribe and that Bell and I would love to know what the most outrageous comment or F false allegations um are that you've seen and just go ahead and throw them in the comments and remember that you have the power to take back your confidence and your life and the next video that I want you to watch is the hidden cost of walking away from a narcissist the hidden cost of walking away from a narcissist so I will see you in that next video and until then remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life you've got this