Overview
This transcript presents a comedic, chaotic summary of a parody film blending horror, sci-fi, and slapstick elements. It follows characters including Shaquille O'Neal, Dr. Phil, Tom Ryan, Cindy Campbell, and Brenda as they survive traps, alien invasions, and personal misadventures before ultimately resolving the conflict with the extraterrestrials.
Trapped in the Bathroom (Shaquille O'Neal & Dr. Phil)
- Shaquille O'Neal and Dr. Phil wake up chained in a dirty room with poison gas filling the air.
- They must make a basketball shot to obtain a saw and escape, but Shaquille initially misses.
- After delays, they get the saw too late; Dr. Phil mistakenly saws off the wrong leg, thwarting escape.
- Alien observers watch humanity’s struggles from afar.
Tom Ryan’s Personal Crisis
- Tom Logan grieves his brother’s death, unsuccessfully seeking solace in distractions and contemplating suicide.
- Cindy Campbell intervenes, leading to a mix-up where Tom ingests Viagra instead of sleeping pills, resulting in slapstick consequences.
Tom Ryan’s Work and Family Life
- Tom Ryan, exhausted from work, damages equipment and is reprimanded.
- He reconnects with friends Mahalik and CJ, who discuss a zombie theory and reminisce about past camping mishaps.
- Tom’s ex-wife leaves the kids, Robbie and Rachel, for a visit; Tom’s relationship with Robbie is strained, but Rachel remains affectionate.
The Haunted House and Cindy’s New Job
- Cindy is hired as a nurse for Mrs. Norris in a cursed house, accidentally injures her employer, and encounters supernatural phenomena involving a ghostly Asian boy.
- Cindy and Tom meet, quickly developing romantic feelings.
Rising Alien Threat
- After a storm, alien machines emerge, turning humans to ash but leaving clothing untouched.
- The ghost boy instructs Cindy, in Japanese, that key answers lie in his father’s heart; Cindy begins her quest.
Road Trip and Alien Invasion
- Cindy and Brenda team up to find the ghost boy’s father, using a stolen solenoid to commandeer a car.
- Meanwhile, Tom and his children journey on foot after losing their car and face multiple dangers.
- Mahalik and CJ, believing in a zombie apocalypse, attack the wounded.
Encounter with the Village
- Cindy and Brenda find a secluded village, meet Henry Hall (the ghost boy’s stepfather), and are ultimately allowed to stay but forbidden to leave.
- Brenda finds romance with Jeremiah; village council scenes add further parody.
Presidential Antics
- The US president unveils an alien-derived weapon at the UN, leading to comic chaos by stripping everyone’s clothes.
Final Confrontation on the Alien Ship
- Tom and others are abducted by aliens and subjected to deadly puzzles reminiscent of “Saw.”
- Cindy uses her glass eye to retrieve a key, and the group narrowly avoids death.
- Cindy discovers the masked alien is the ghost boy’s father seeking vengeance.
Resolution and Aftermath
- Brenda defeats the aliens, whose race is wiped out in a comic twist.
- All major characters achieve personal happiness, reunions, or closure.
- Tom shares his incredible story on television, parodying real-life celebrities.