here's why avoidantly attached people seem selfish of all the attachment Styles people who are avoidant are most focused on themselves this is because they grew up in a home with parent figures who didn't attune to their emotions for them being distant and Hyper independent feels the most safe in relationships they really struggle to be vulnerable they avoid conflict and sometimes they can become so overwhelmed with other people's needs that they actually just stop trying to meet them their primitive instinct is to focus focus on themselves on what they need to do on where they need to get in life and often their partner comes somewhere after that this can look like they're extremely selfish but really the root cause of this behavior is their own fear and their inability to understand the needs of anyone else