Exploring the Essence of Coolness

Hello you guys and welcome to another episode of A Better You. I'm happy to have you here. I am your host Fernanda Ramirez and if this is your first time clicking on an episode from this podcast Thank you for being here. Thank you for clicking on this. I'm really excited to chat today. I feel that we have a very interesting topic. It's a topic that actually originated from a conversation that I was having with my friend over the past weekend and we are going to be talking about what makes a person cool and And what cool even means? What does it mean to be cool? Who is cool? We're talking about what makes a person interesting, what makes them fun to be around, what makes them magnetic, what makes them likable. Basically, what makes someone them when you look at them and you go, wow, that's someone that I wanna be friends with. I feel like this is a really interesting topic because we are constantly reevaluating ourselves, reevaluating the way that we behave. If you are a self-aware person, you're probably looking within and being like, do I like who I am? Do I think I would be friends with myself? Am I? Presenting outwardly how I am in the inside and how I want to be perceived, you know We're constantly thinking about those things. So I feel like it's fun to analyze it and hear another person's perspective on it Maybe you guys can hear what I think is cool in someone and i'm not going to be saying cheesy things like having the newest Stanley cup and uh drunk elephant products is what makes you cool. It's definitely more than that. It is skin deep Is that the word? I don't even know. I just have a bunch of examples. I did some research I asked my friends. I looked on tiktok. I basically am coming to you with a big summary of everything that I found online and also what the conversation between me and my friend was in real life so that you know you almost feel like you were there too. Before we go on to today's fun little topic, I feel like I haven't updated you guys in a while. As you know, I just came back from New York Fashion Week and I feel like I need to touch on that subject because there's so many things that first of all I want to address, second of all I just want to tell you about, and third of all just give you some of my findings like how it went now that I'm finished. Before I start yapping away, if you haven't subscribed to the YouTube channel of A Better You, make sure that you do that. If you haven't given the podcast a rating, make sure you do that. Make sure you recommend this podcast to whoever it is that you are friends with, your mom, your sister, your daughter, your friend, your boyfriend, whoever it is. They could definitely find an episode somewhere on this podcast that could benefit them, that could help them. And maybe it's like a subtle nudge if you want them to listen to one of these titles and you don't necessarily want to say it to them. Just send them my episode over their way. Before we start, I'm popping in on a little voiceover here. This is only for the YouTube video listeners. This is not going to be in the audio podcast, but I have to address the elephant in the room. And that is that before I started filming this episode. I applied so much of the Too Faced lip injection lip gloss on my lips and it is clumping at my lips It's low-key going white like there's just way too much gloss on my lips. I'm honestly embarrassed I wish I realized sooner so I could have fixed it before I continued this video But I didn't so here we are try to ignore it It goes away like halfway through the episode New York Fashion Week if you want to skip over this you're more than welcome to but I Feel like we have a lot to debrief and I feel like you guys will enjoy the debrief as well So anyways, let's get into it Basically, I was invited on a brand trip with Cetaphil It is a skincare company to be their face of C to fill Canada we were going to New York City for Fashion Week and Basically the whole point of the trip was supposed to be how our skin lasts me 48 hours of fashion and how we hold up our skin while being in like stressful environments and being around Stressors that make your skin maybe a little bit agitated like wearing a lot of makeup taking your makeup off long nights Maybe salty food. It feels very full circle. I mean if you guys know if you know, you know I had a dream of going to New York Fashion Week when I was a lot younger. And I think when I was 19 was the first time I went to New York with my friends. And we were so excited. We were now looking back, it feels like we were so young. And I was invited to one fashion show and like a few other events. And so we were so excited to be there. We planned the whole thing. We were emailing brands. It was honestly so extra. And I think that that is a trip of a lifetime, one that I will never forget just because it was giving like when you do something for the first time, it's going to be the most memorable just because you're so unfamiliar and having it also be the first trip after COVID. So many silly situations were bound to happen. And that is what happened. Anyways, I have a lot of YouTube videos on that. So if you want to watch my person. personal channel, Fernanda Miras, watch the New York Fashion Week videos, they're all there. But anyways, from my first time going, you know, spending my money to be there, making the effort to show up, show out, pick out outfits, go thrifting for the outfits, asking brands to like send me clothes, from that to being... sponsored by Cetaphil, which is a huge company that I've used ever since I was a little girl, literally. I feel like I always had Cetaphil products in my shower, in my bathtub, in my bathroom, wherever. From making the effort to go to New York Fashion Week myself, to then being asked to come on this brand trip and honestly being paid to go there, it's just such a full circle moment. And I don't mean to say that to come off as like show-offy or braggy, but I feel like as a content creator, as a internet person, you always have those dreams for yourself. And it just feels really good to take those off and make those bucket list things happen ever since I was like in middle school I remember watching my favorite youtubers go on brand trips with Tarte go to Bora Bora And I was like God what I would give to be on a brand trip literally what I would give And the fact that I went on my first brand trip and was paid to go there like that is a huge milestone as an Influencer so again if there's any influencers listening to this and you've either one been on a brand trip Congratulations, if you've got any paid brand deals Congratulations, and if you are just starting off and it is your dream to go to one of these things just know it can happen It will happen and it just takes time again If you had told 16 year old me that I would be going on a brand trip to new york fashion week I think I would maybe pass out and cry like it is just it is crazy and i'm so grateful And I want to make that really clear. I'm so grateful to you guys because I would not be where I am without you whatsoever Anyways, one of the things that I thought was super cool that C to fill did this trip was they asked me to make a video basically promoting their contest where one of the viewers had to make a little video on tik-tok where they showed their skincare routine and basically it was like their application to be entered into the contest of who would win as My plus one in New York, which meant like basically you would get flown out and take taken to New York with C to fill as like my buddy, I guess, if that makes sense. Sorry if I'm like saying this confusingly, but you would get to be with me over there while we do all the C to fill events. And so I made that little video and I was so happy seeing everybody actually make the video and like apply to be in the contest. It was so cool seeing everyone's and basically they ended up picking the winner of the Canada contest, I guess. So the winner, her name was actually Kimberly. She was so nice and we actually became really good friends on the trip. Her Instagram is Hello KCZO. She's actually a full-time interior designer, but she does like content creation on the side So she made her video and I guess Cetaphil picked her to be the Canada contestant winner But when I got to the welcome dinner, I actually met her there Again, we hit it off right off the bat. I just really enjoyed meeting her and she's from Toronto. So I hope that next time I go to Toronto, maybe I can meet up with her again. And I wanted to make that really clear because I got a few DMs of people being like, you never announced the Cetaphil winner or people thought that Trinity, my friend, was the Cetaphil winner. And I think there was a few people thinking like, oh, the contest must be rigged because she brought her friend. But I want to make it super clear that when I got invited on this trip, I'm allowed to bring my own plus one. So I chose my friend Trinity to come with me. And that didn't count as like the winner of the competition. for the C to fill contest so the C to fill winner contestant was Kimberly and Kimberly was the girl that I did the welcome dinner with the model immersion experience with which I will touch on that in a second She's the girl that I went to the happy hour with the girl that I went to the Alice and Olivia show with Etc. Trinity just got to stay with me in the hotel room And then whenever I had free time after that like we would go out at night or the following days that I extended my trip For she was there with me again just to clarify Kimberly was the contestant winner I did not pick the contestant winners Cetaphil picked them, but I was the one promoting the contest for Canada as the face of Cetaphil. Anyways, I hope that makes sense There were people from over 14 different countries at this welcome dinner They brought in so many like dermatologists and like experts and people on the team so it was super cool bonding with the brand side and really getting to know people person to person because I feel like when you think of a huge brand like Cetaphil you just think of like I don't know, it kind of, you don't even think about the people on that side as real people, but being there with the people that are in charge of the social media, the marketing, the head of brand, it's so much cooler. And as somebody who, if I wasn't doing social media, I would probably want to do marketing or be on the brand side. I thought it was super interesting to actually get to talk to them. The next morning I had a lunch with the Cetaphil team, which was super cool. I got a facial by one of the skincare specialists that was there with Cetaphil products. We did a happy hour at this Jimmy rooftop with all the contestants, their winners, the team, everyone. We also got to do a model immersion, which was where everybody got to go to the Wilhelmina modeling agency. And we got paired up with models and they gave us modeling tips. They showed us how to take digitals. They showed us how to do a proper model walk. We actually had to do it ourselves. And I was super embarrassed, low key, because I was like, why is my walk so bad? That was one of those moments where I thought I was going to be a great model walker. And then I actually started and I was like, wait, this is this is humbling. And then we got to go backstage. of the alice and olivia show which is super cool again another huge brand that i had dreamed of going to during new york fashion week so to go backstage was super incredible as an experience and then we got to go to the alice and olivia presentation which again super cool and then we did a little champagne hour and then we had our departure so that was a really long-winded explanation of how my trip went just to give other little details i was also invited to the lajeance presentation which is another brand in new york that does new york fashion week that was super cool that was basically majority of what i did regarding Fashion week just because I was super busy while I was there, but I saw my fam She's another youtuber and Lena lifts if you guys know them It was super cool to see them and I went to a little party with them and then I extended my trip by three days so me And Trin went around and tried new coffee shops. We tried new restaurants We did a lot of shopping and it was just overall a really good trip I came back feeling really grateful to be at home I feel like coming back from New York a place where you see a lot of people for Short periods of times and it's kind of almost like seeing your colleagues. It's really like rewarding or not rewarding but it feels really nice to come back and see your long-term friends like see people that have known you from childhood and not only that know you through the industry it just makes me it makes my heart go pitter-patter to see my true besties that I love but anyways I've chatted for too long I'm sorry let's start talking about what we're here for as we're gonna go into this I'm gonna tell you where this conversation originated from okay so me and my friend I'm gonna name drop her her name is Mayella basically we had a sleepover this past weekend and she is my number number one yapper friend. Like we talk and we talk and we talk and we talk and we have so much to talk about and there's never a dull moment between us. It almost might be like a quiet introverted socially anxious person's nightmare probably to be next to us because we do not shut up. But anyways we have a sleepover right and we wake up in the morning and I swear five minutes after we wake up we just start going into conversation and that conversation doesn't end until one of us goes home. Probably 15 minutes after we wake up we somehow get into a conversation about what it means to be cool. Genuinely I do not know how you go from waking up to that conversation in the span of like 10 minutes, but that's where it went. Now, externally, based on your fashion, based on your music choice, based on your movie choice, based on how you present yourself to the world, I think my friend Myla is a very cool person. She has a really good fashion sense. She's really good at thrifting. She has a lot of cool interests. She knows a lot about different music artists. She knows a lot about different movies. She has really good taste. Like she is really cool, okay? So we were talking about who is the coolest person that we know, you know? Who do we find really cool and what artists? do we find really cool? And then from that conversation we kind of decided that even though somebody's interests and the way they present to the world can be really cool, if you took all of that off of them and they were just left as like a person with none of their interests being projected to the outside world, then how would you decipher who's cool and who isn't? So then we thought it must have to do with someone's energy and someone's aura. Like how charismatic they are, the energy they emit out into the world, that is what makes someone cool. I would probably be most attracted to the person who is magnetic, who is laughing, who is happy, rather than the person who is vibrating very low, who's complaining, who is dull, who is negative. That is not what makes someone cool. The person who's a bully on the side of the corner is not cool. Even if they have all of that cool stuff, and I say that in quotations, and they were a mean person, that immediately is just cancelled out. That was a long-winded story to basically dive into the topic of today's episode and talk about how important it is for the essence of someone to be the coolest thing about them and not how they present themselves to the world. That is not to say that how you present to yourself doesn't matter. I think it is super interesting when a person is super intentional with the way that they want to be perceived. I think it is super cool when someone has great fashion sense. I think it is super cool when somebody expresses themselves externally the way they feel internally, like maybe they're dying their hair a certain way or they have piercings. All of that makes a person cool because again, it is an experience. expression of their internal state. It is an expression of how they feel. It is almost the personification of their inner soul. And I think that is beautiful. But what makes a person truly cool is their aura, the way they are with other people, and the way that they make you feel, okay? That is the final consensus. The word that I want to emphasize is essence. I think that is just a great word that I want to use more often because your essence is what makes you you and what makes you different than someone else. It really is what sets you apart. you apart. So after thinking long and hard about who I personally find really cool and who I think really stands out to me and who I think off the bat made me want to be their friends, here are some qualities I think they all obtain. So there's five people that came to mind when I thought about this and I'm not going to list out their names just because I feel like that's not necessary and they might be listening to this like, girl, I did not give you permission for that. But the first person I want to talk about is somebody who I met in New York and I went out with them and I thought that their energy was so magnetic it was so interesting to view we went out a few times and i feel like they just had such an incredible amount of confidence and self-assurance you could tell that they really liked who they were and some people may have controversial opinions about being self-obsessed and i think being self-obsessed comes with a certain amount that is appropriate you know if you're too self-obsessed you think you're better than someone else that is a different story but it's self-obsessed where you love who you are you like what you stand for you like who you are as a person i think makes you move through life differently I really do and you being so self-assured to the point where you don't feel the need to put other people down and you just feel good and and again we were going out and so this girl felt really like confident and powerful and you know the way she was dancing the way she was moving people would literally move out of the way for her, you know? She would be walking like she owned the place, and I... viewing this was like damn I want to be more like that because she could be dancing with her eyes closed yet everybody around the room is low-key looking at her because she seems like the main character she seems like she's having the most fun here and she doesn't need you to have fun that is what I feel made her cool it was her energy and maybe her attitude towards life and it wasn't necessarily what she was wearing or certain physical qualities about her if that makes sense after this person I know another girl like this and her as well is like super confident super self-assured and whenever she walks around she walks around like she knows what is up like she knows her worth and like she will not give anyone a chance to disrespect her and almost so self-confident and self-assured that I don't even think people that would disappoint her would even step in her direction just to avoid the Embarrassment of disappointing her if that makes sense. I think that is another thing that makes someone cool You know somebody that respects themselves that has boundaries that has standards that has confidence that really likes themselves that knows who they are And is proud of that person this person also is very talented in a lot of different ways Which I think also makes a person cool that is a little bit less less to do with energy and more to do with interesting qualities about a person, but I think it's interesting to notice and obviously pretty alluring because anybody who has a lot of talents or is really good at certain stuff, I feel like you kind of just want to get close to them because you want to see more of their talent or they kind of have that it factor about them. I think another way that this person represented how cool they were, at least in my eyes, was how they dressed to be out in public. I feel like they always had such nice clothes that was so polished and clean and put together and it just kind of was giving me a girl. energy that I was like, okay, that is cool. Something about everything being so perfect, like almost to the point where I'm a little bit confused. Like, is there ever a stain on anything that you're wearing? Maybe that's a super individual experience to just me, but that put together vibe, I think that calm confidence is where that comes from, but being put together and knowing that you're put together. The other two examples that I want to talk about of people that I know that I feel like exude this cool vibe are two people that basically embody kind, generous, good energy. These type of people are the ones that I can go up to them and tell them something that's going on with me and they will be active listeners. They will be attentive. They will give me good advice and not just be talking the whole time. They would really hear you out and make you feel heard, make you feel understood, make you feel loved, make you feel like they really care for you and I think the reason why I wanted to bring this up was because after searching up online like what makes a person likable, what makes a person magnetic and stuff, a big thing thing that comes up in every single article or every single video or whatever is that what makes a person likable is how they make you feel. If you have a conversation with someone and you leave and then someone asks you how was that person, you would generally base your answer based on how they made you feel. So that is the most important and I think we know that. I've talked about that in other episodes in the past but it is less about what you say and it is how you deliver it. It is how you make that person feel. An example that I watched in a YouTube video was if a guy and a girl went on a date and the guy was out here talking about how he was feeling and he was like, talking about how he makes all this money, he has this great job, and he's just saying all the right things, but he was super cold and basically like didn't listen to anything the girl had to say, didn't ask any questions. She could leave and say he was a great guy, but we just like didn't have that spark. That spark is that connection of how she felt after their interaction. So again, how you make people feel is a huge deal. It is what sticks with people and it is what makes people think you are a likable person. I think that is just something to remember and something to consider. when we go out and we socialize in the world and we go out to meet our friends or you know we are being a friend it's thinking to ourselves how are we making this person feel am I really listening to them am I really trying to ask them questions to get to know them to let them know that I'm here for them that is a super important quality to have so these two people that I was talking about in particular I feel like they really have that and I think that's what makes them really cool they give me the type of people that could go in any room and just have that warm energy where people will leave that conversation feeling better better than how they started. And also a side note, this isn't really about energy, but I'll throw it in there. A lot of these people that have something in common that I think is just cool in general is that they have really interesting niche interests. That may sound really confusing, but like they know a lot about. a certain type of cuisine or they know a lot about the best recommendations of restaurants or they know the best clothing brands to shop at or they know the best lines of perfumes and all the perfumes or they know a lot about like wine I think something like that honestly makes a person cool it makes them interesting it makes them fun to talk to and I think it's just cool when someone has a passion or an interest that is just like super niche like not a lot of people know about it which is why I want to hear you talk about it you know like this isn't something that I could just gain from every conversation with anyone in the world. in the world. super interesting and you know you can teach me a lot about that and this could literally be anything i mean if you're listening to this right now and you're like hmm thinking to yourself do i have any niche interest you probably do i feel like that is worth even considering if you're listening to this right now maybe going into your notes app and writing down all the things that you have a lot of knowledge on it could be literally anything it could be zodiac signs it could be horoscopes it could be that you know a lot about again a certain type of cuisine or maybe you know a lot about how coffee is made or you know a lot about an animal or you know a lot about maybe whatever it is that you are studying that is super specific and not everybody has the knowledge on or maybe it's like a certain type of wisdom or maybe a lot of wisdom from an experience that you had or maybe you know a lot about yoga or you know a lot about spirituality or you know a lot about history whatever if I were you I would go into my notes and write down everything that you feel that you could educate someone on or just like tell them about it and feel confident in that list because I feel like when you look back at it you're gonna be like damn I know a lot about a lot of things it'll make you feel really good about yourself and make you feel even more confident in your own personality and who you are because it's pretty impressive and cool to know a lot about a certain topic. If you write down a bunch of things and you realize that you don't have a lot of interest, that you have a lot of knowledge on, maybe that is a little sign in itself to find something that interests you and do a little, do a little Google search, pick up some books on that and maybe learn more about the topic so that next time you have a conversation with someone else, again, this is a good like socialization tip. If you want to bring up a new conversation or a new tip, you could be like, guess what I learned? Or guess what I just found out? Or I want to tell you about this book I've been reading, etc. That would make conversation go by a lot smoother and you would be a lot more interesting of a person. So I think that is worth doing. The last example of a person who I think is cool is my boyfriend. I'm gonna bring him up here. I honestly don't know like anyone really that doesn't like my boyfriend and I think he is a very likable person. I think the reason for that is because he is very unique and And again, I think people are attracted to uniqueness because they are not like everyone else. And I think, again, that is what makes someone cool. And I think in his specific example, it is the fact that he does not care about what anyone thinks of him. So again, confidence. He could care less, in fact. So he will be so open and so himself upfront and so authentic that people can't help but love it. Or even if they think it's slightly weird, it is just a projection of their own insecurity. or maybe their inability to be themselves. And I think somebody that is completely authentic would really align with him because they see that he's also authentic. So like authenticity sees authenticity. I think him being so himself and not caring about judgment makes people feel attracted to him. And also being one of one. you know, expressing your opinions freely, having an opinionated mindset or having strong boundaries will make you cool because people aren't going to find people like you just everywhere on the street. Those are five examples of people that I think have really cool traits. You know, if all of their outside appearances were a blank slate, they would still have that cool energy. And I feel like after looking at all of those examples, if we come together and analyze them all and say, what are all the common themes among all these people? It is the confidence that they exude. I know that all of them love who they are, like themselves, and because they like themselves, they are not worried about the validation of others. In fact, they are more worried about asking other people questions and seeing how other people feel. So emphasis on that one. They make people feel good and they care about making others feel better. They are all kind people and they are non-judgmental. Honestly, a pretty girl is not a pretty girl if she's shitting on other girls, making people feel like they are not good enough or like she's better than them. A pretty girl, beautiful girl, beautiful energy as a whole, as a human, comes from loving yourself and loving the people around you. So that is period, okay? That is the final, I guess, discovery of what makes someone cool. And even though this episode isn't done, to end, I guess, that little section, I hope that this makes you realize that being a cool person really comes down to who you are and what your essence is. It doesn't have to do with if you have the coolest things or if you are conventionally the beauty standard or if you have the newest, most expensive clothing pieces or how much money you have or what your education is. It really comes down to who you are and how you make other people feel. And that is what will make you cool at the end of the day. Being authentic, being yourself, and not just being a carbon copy of someone else. I think it is super common nowadays to find an influencer that you like and replicate their style, replicate their content, replicate their aesthetic, replicate... the newest trending item but at the end of the day if you want to be the trendsetter which is the coolest person on the block according to everyone okay if you want to be the trendsetter you cannot just be going around copying and pasting other people's style and i think personal style personal aesthetic personal brand will always win on top because nobody can replicate what you're doing since you are the originator of that it's a representation of what your true soul is like. And also when I say that, I feel like there could be someone listening being like, well, if I don't copy other people's style and if I don't copy other people's aesthetic, then I don't know what I like. And I think that's where you should look within and ask yourself, what are the movies that I like? What's the music that I like? What colors do I like? If I go thrifting, what are the pieces that are my personal style? What are the things that I gravitate towards when nobody is watching? And really get in tune with what your personal taste is. That way you will be the most authentic, most original version of yourself and that will give you an element of cool. I also wanted to make a point about how some people could watch a video or read a book on how to be a more likable person or how to be more fun to be around or, you know, one of those things. And they may think to themselves like, I don't want to change my personality. I shouldn't have to change who I am to be liked by others. And I totally agree with you. You should not be changing who you are to gain validation from others. But I think it's worth a shot listening to behaviors that will make you a more likable and tolerable person because nobody wants to be the person that people don't want to be around. That's just facts. Your personality isn't to be pestering or like to be annoying. You know, those little like... tweaks of bad habits or maybe when insecurities spill out or your shadow self spills out. That is not who you are. Those are just like bad habits that you pick up along the way. So if you learn to identify those, cancel those out and incorporate more of the good aspects and qualities of yourself, I don't think that is changing who you are. That is just showcasing and embodying the better parts of you, which is what we should all be doing. Again, this podcast is called A Better You. We are learning how to be the best version of ourselves. Another thing I wanted to say regarding this topic is that obviously I talked about how being confident, being self-assured are some of the best qualities that you can have and the qualities that make you cool. The opposite of that. is being insecure. I want to talk about insecurity for a minute because I'm going to be very vulnerable with you guys. I feel like this year, and I've noticed it within myself and I'm saying it because I want to stop doing it. I've been a little bit more self-hating and a little bit more like, oh my God, I look so ugly. I look so bad in this. Like this does not suit me. I hate my hair. I hate my this. I hate my that. I, I recognize sometimes it is so hard to avoid saying those things, especially girls. We all go through phases in our appearance and Knowing that our appearance is such a thing that we put importance on I feel like it is super normal and natural to have Insecurities so if you're struggling with anything like that just know that you're not alone I go through this your favorite influencers go through this celebrities go through this however pretty you may think a person may be They're probably going through insecurities in their life. My point is being self-hating is not cool I'm gonna I'm gonna be the first to say it I know I've been doing it but it is not cool and it is something that I from this point forward. I'm going to actively stop doing because I don't like being around people who are self-hating. I should not be self-hating and it is literally the opposite of being confident, okay? So if we're trying to be the coolest version of ourselves, the most confident version of ourselves, we cannot be insecure. We cannot be our worst nemesis or our worst critics because that's the truth. A lot of the times we are our harshest critics. Now the last thing I want to do is list you off a bunch of things that are a little bit less energy. and aura based and a little bit more like super niche super random could be superficial could be the way you're perceived like little things that i think make a person cool and i went on tick tock and i searched up like other people's opinion on this and basically i have a list of my ideas and their ideas and i'm gonna quickly list them out to you for some food for thought for yourself okay list of things that makes somebody cool number one when people are intentional this is one of my favorite things about someone and what automatically makes me think you're cool By this I mean when I see someone wearing something and they're wearing like colored clips. So random, so slightly unnecessary, yet so intentional. And then I'm like, wow, you didn't have to do that, but you went out of your way to put some colored clips into your hair. That one's really obvious, but here's another one. When somebody has a little tiny scarf. Like that scarf is not really serving the purpose of keeping you warm, but it is so cute and it's kind of a fashion statement that it feels intentional. Another example could be when somebody wears a brooch. Is that what it's called? A brooch? a bro calling it like a brioche like it's a bun but a brooch i don't know many people who do that but like i want to be the grandma that wears brooches so i'm going to say that a brooch is super intentional because you pick that out and you put that there another one could be someone with bows in their hair again you chose to put that there i think that is cool um another one could be somebody that has embroidery on their jeans that they made themselves okay next reason somebody who thrifts their outfits this automatically makes you cool because again intentionality is that a word you chose that that's your personal style That is not something that's like trending on the H&M rack. It is something that you chose out and you thought would look good on you. We love. The next thing that makes someone cool is somebody who is so good at eye contact. Somebody that is looking at you the whole time or looking at whoever and they do not break eye contact. They are not scared of it, they are not intimidated by it, and they really see you and they understand you. I think that is cool and that's a cool trait to have. Another thing is somebody who is extremely passionate about anything. This could be your job, which is great. It doesn't even have to be your job. It could be a hobby It could be a random movie series. It could be maybe an animal that you absolutely love But I think being passionate about anything is just cool And I love hearing people talk about things that they're passionate about, you know the way their face lights up I'm, like I don't even I don't even care about that specific thing But the fact that you're so passionate about it makes me want to know why you're so passionate about it The next people who are cool are the people who include you, you know if you're in a group of people and somebody is like back is on you basically you know what i mean like you're blocked out of the conversation and they kind of push towards that person to get them out of the way so that you're included into the group that's a cool person it could even be somebody who is in a conversation and they notice that you're a little bit quiet and they go hey blank what do you think about this those people are cool i need to do that more often the people that when you go into their apartment they have super specific home decor pieces Things that are not even that common like not ikea But like something that was like thrifted or they have this like super niche brand of candles and randomly they know a lot about candles Or maybe they have a lot of plants and they're like not the most basic little plant But like something really cool and like they water it and they like really love it Or maybe they have like really cool lamps or like knickknacks. The next one is just being unapologetically Themselves this is kind of like how I feel like my boyfriend is Super unapologetically himself and you either like him or you don't but people that like him like really like him because they almost Admire how they don't care if you like them or not They just like them and they don't need your approval Another thing is being uplifting a girl's girl who wants the best for you who is super positive and knows how to have a good Time a girl's girl through and through another thing that makes someone cool is someone who does not complain someone who finds the best in Shitty situations and who sees the positive things in life sees on the bright side We love a positive gal. This one is a personal one for me. I love asking random questions. I think if you are truly my friend, I will bring up the, you know what I've been thinking about? You know what I've been wondering about? You know what I hate? What do you think about this? You know, I'm always asking like random ass questions like that. I love it when people will have an answer or an opinion to whatever random questions. The same way that if someone asks me a question, I should just come up with something to say. When people just respond, I don't know, it bothers me a little bit. I'm not even going to lie. It bothers me a little bit because I'm like, what do you mean you don't know? I'm asking you a question and you're just going to say, I don't know. Well, maybe you can think about it for a minute. So anyways, my point of that was I love when people have opinions, they have answers, and they can use their imagination, their creativity to kind of come up with some sort of conclusion or some sort of answer to your crazy whack question, even if it's hypothetical. I think it's super fun when they come up with an answer that isn't just, I don't know. Another random thing that makes you cool, and I'm sorry for saying cool 15 times in this episode. But if you know recipes, you know your own recipes, you have your own recipes, not just saying you can cook chicken and rice because like I can do that too, but like you have your own recipes, you're cool. You're cool and I wanna be you and I'm jealous of you. Okay, I have another one that relates to somebody that I've met in real life. I think you're really cool if you give really honest and genuine compliments. I think that sometimes this could be our ego talking, but we wanna compliment someone and randomly we don't. I don't know why, maybe sometimes you don't, you're nervous, you don't feel like saying it out loud. Or maybe you could say it, but you're just like, oh, you have cool style. But instead of just saying, oh, you have cool style. If there was a really honest person and they were like, no, I think you have immaculate taste. I really love the way that your shirt fits on you. It's super flattering. I love how intentional with fit you are. And I love that it reflects your style. Okay, etc. Maybe that was a little bit extra. But like a compliment that is really personal and a little bit more than just the bare minimum. I think that makes a person cool because it's kind of like expressing a little bit of a vulnerable side of you. This kind of relates to what we were talking. earlier about how it matters more about how you make someone feel than what you actually say but I remember a few years ago I went to this party and I saw this girl that I thought didn't like me but she was super vulnerable and gave me a really honest and kind compliment out of nowhere and it was like so nice like something that I would almost like it felt really vulnerable to say specifically because I also thought she didn't really like me anyways I don't remember what the compliment was anymore but I remember feeling really good after that and I think that is the perfect Definition of how the way that you make someone feels matters more than what you actually say And I think being vulnerable with compliments is really cool. So there was a double whammy Let me add in there that girl that i'm talking about that for some reason I thought she didn't like me I think it was super situational because she is very well liked and I feel like she has a lot of friends and a lot Of connections. So again, that must be her secret sauce when it comes to uh being perceived as cool It is the way that you make people feel and I bet she makes people feel really good I have two last examples. The first one being when someone notices something that you changed about your appearance and they bring it up. For example, if you get your hair cut and someone says, oh my god, you cut your hair, like it looks great. If they notice right away, that is a cool trait about them because they're noticing you and they went out of their way to tell you. And the last one is if someone treats themselves to everyone else as an equal, they are allowed to think that they are the best version of themselves, they should be obsessed with themselves, they should love themselves, they should like themselves, but feeling like you are not better than anyone and showing up in the world like that. I think that's what makes you a cool person. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this episode. You got some food for thought. You're thinking about this now. It's in your head. You're thinking, I have some cool traits. I want to be cooler. These are some things I'm going to implement. And also, who are the cool people in my life that I want to continue sharing my life with? And I should text them and say, you know what? You're a really cool person to me. I hope that's how you left this episode feeling. But anyways, I love you. I think you're a cool person. And I hope that you stick around for next week's episode. I love you. and I will talk to you soon.

I feel that we have a very interesting topic. It's a topic that actually originated from a conversation that I was having with my friend over the past weekend and we are going to be talking about what makes a person cool and And what cool even means? What does it mean to be cool? Who is cool? We're talking about what makes a person interesting, what makes them fun to be around, what makes them magnetic, what makes them likable.

Basically, what makes someone them when you look at them and you go, wow, that's someone that I wanna be friends with. I feel like this is a really interesting topic because we are constantly reevaluating ourselves, reevaluating the way that we behave. If you are a self-aware person, you're probably looking within and being like, do I like who I am? Do I think I would be friends with myself? Am I?

Presenting outwardly how I am in the inside and how I want to be perceived, you know We're constantly thinking about those things. So I feel like it's fun to analyze it and hear another person's perspective on it Maybe you guys can hear what I think is cool in someone and i'm not going to be saying cheesy things like having the newest Stanley cup and uh drunk elephant products is what makes you cool. It's definitely more than that. It is skin deep Is that the word? I don't even know.

I just have a bunch of examples. I did some research I asked my friends. I looked on tiktok.

I basically am coming to you with a big summary of everything that I found online and also what the conversation between me and my friend was in real life so that you know you almost feel like you were there too. Before we go on to today's fun little topic, I feel like I haven't updated you guys in a while. As you know, I just came back from New York Fashion Week and I feel like I need to touch on that subject because there's so many things that first of all I want to address, second of all I just want to tell you about, and third of all just give you some of my findings like how it went now that I'm finished. Before I start yapping away, if you haven't subscribed to the YouTube channel of A Better You, make sure that you do that. If you haven't given the podcast a rating, make sure you do that.

Make sure you recommend this podcast to whoever it is that you are friends with, your mom, your sister, your daughter, your friend, your boyfriend, whoever it is. They could definitely find an episode somewhere on this podcast that could benefit them, that could help them. And maybe it's like a subtle nudge if you want them to listen to one of these titles and you don't necessarily want to say it to them.

Just send them my episode over their way. Before we start, I'm popping in on a little voiceover here. This is only for the YouTube video listeners.

This is not going to be in the audio podcast, but I have to address the elephant in the room. And that is that before I started filming this episode. I applied so much of the Too Faced lip injection lip gloss on my lips and it is clumping at my lips It's low-key going white like there's just way too much gloss on my lips.

I'm honestly embarrassed I wish I realized sooner so I could have fixed it before I continued this video But I didn't so here we are try to ignore it It goes away like halfway through the episode New York Fashion Week if you want to skip over this you're more than welcome to but I Feel like we have a lot to debrief and I feel like you guys will enjoy the debrief as well So anyways, let's get into it Basically, I was invited on a brand trip with Cetaphil It is a skincare company to be their face of C to fill Canada we were going to New York City for Fashion Week and Basically the whole point of the trip was supposed to be how our skin lasts me 48 hours of fashion and how we hold up our skin while being in like stressful environments and being around Stressors that make your skin maybe a little bit agitated like wearing a lot of makeup taking your makeup off long nights Maybe salty food. It feels very full circle. I mean if you guys know if you know, you know I had a dream of going to New York Fashion Week when I was a lot younger.

And I think when I was 19 was the first time I went to New York with my friends. And we were so excited. We were now looking back, it feels like we were so young.

And I was invited to one fashion show and like a few other events. And so we were so excited to be there. We planned the whole thing.

We were emailing brands. It was honestly so extra. And I think that that is a trip of a lifetime, one that I will never forget just because it was giving like when you do something for the first time, it's going to be the most memorable just because you're so unfamiliar and having it also be the first trip after COVID.

So many silly situations were bound to happen. And that is what happened. Anyways, I have a lot of YouTube videos on that. So if you want to watch my person.

personal channel, Fernanda Miras, watch the New York Fashion Week videos, they're all there. But anyways, from my first time going, you know, spending my money to be there, making the effort to show up, show out, pick out outfits, go thrifting for the outfits, asking brands to like send me clothes, from that to being... sponsored by Cetaphil, which is a huge company that I've used ever since I was a little girl, literally. I feel like I always had Cetaphil products in my shower, in my bathtub, in my bathroom, wherever. From making the effort to go to New York Fashion Week myself, to then being asked to come on this brand trip and honestly being paid to go there, it's just such a full circle moment.

And I don't mean to say that to come off as like show-offy or braggy, but I feel like as a content creator, as a internet person, you always have those dreams for yourself. And it just feels really good to take those off and make those bucket list things happen ever since I was like in middle school I remember watching my favorite youtubers go on brand trips with Tarte go to Bora Bora And I was like God what I would give to be on a brand trip literally what I would give And the fact that I went on my first brand trip and was paid to go there like that is a huge milestone as an Influencer so again if there's any influencers listening to this and you've either one been on a brand trip Congratulations, if you've got any paid brand deals Congratulations, and if you are just starting off and it is your dream to go to one of these things just know it can happen It will happen and it just takes time again If you had told 16 year old me that I would be going on a brand trip to new york fashion week I think I would maybe pass out and cry like it is just it is crazy and i'm so grateful And I want to make that really clear. I'm so grateful to you guys because I would not be where I am without you whatsoever Anyways, one of the things that I thought was super cool that C to fill did this trip was they asked me to make a video basically promoting their contest where one of the viewers had to make a little video on tik-tok where they showed their skincare routine and basically it was like their application to be entered into the contest of who would win as My plus one in New York, which meant like basically you would get flown out and take taken to New York with C to fill as like my buddy, I guess, if that makes sense.

Sorry if I'm like saying this confusingly, but you would get to be with me over there while we do all the C to fill events. And so I made that little video and I was so happy seeing everybody actually make the video and like apply to be in the contest. It was so cool seeing everyone's and basically they ended up picking the winner of the Canada contest, I guess.

So the winner, her name was actually Kimberly. She was so nice and we actually became really good friends on the trip. Her Instagram is Hello KCZO. She's actually a full-time interior designer, but she does like content creation on the side So she made her video and I guess Cetaphil picked her to be the Canada contestant winner But when I got to the welcome dinner, I actually met her there Again, we hit it off right off the bat. I just really enjoyed meeting her and she's from Toronto.

So I hope that next time I go to Toronto, maybe I can meet up with her again. And I wanted to make that really clear because I got a few DMs of people being like, you never announced the Cetaphil winner or people thought that Trinity, my friend, was the Cetaphil winner. And I think there was a few people thinking like, oh, the contest must be rigged because she brought her friend.

But I want to make it super clear that when I got invited on this trip, I'm allowed to bring my own plus one. So I chose my friend Trinity to come with me. And that didn't count as like the winner of the competition. for the C to fill contest so the C to fill winner contestant was Kimberly and Kimberly was the girl that I did the welcome dinner with the model immersion experience with which I will touch on that in a second She's the girl that I went to the happy hour with the girl that I went to the Alice and Olivia show with Etc.

Trinity just got to stay with me in the hotel room And then whenever I had free time after that like we would go out at night or the following days that I extended my trip For she was there with me again just to clarify Kimberly was the contestant winner I did not pick the contestant winners Cetaphil picked them, but I was the one promoting the contest for Canada as the face of Cetaphil. Anyways, I hope that makes sense There were people from over 14 different countries at this welcome dinner They brought in so many like dermatologists and like experts and people on the team so it was super cool bonding with the brand side and really getting to know people person to person because I feel like when you think of a huge brand like Cetaphil you just think of like I don't know, it kind of, you don't even think about the people on that side as real people, but being there with the people that are in charge of the social media, the marketing, the head of brand, it's so much cooler. And as somebody who, if I wasn't doing social media, I would probably want to do marketing or be on the brand side. I thought it was super interesting to actually get to talk to them.

The next morning I had a lunch with the Cetaphil team, which was super cool. I got a facial by one of the skincare specialists that was there with Cetaphil products. We did a happy hour at this Jimmy rooftop with all the contestants, their winners, the team, everyone. We also got to do a model immersion, which was where everybody got to go to the Wilhelmina modeling agency.

And we got paired up with models and they gave us modeling tips. They showed us how to take digitals. They showed us how to do a proper model walk. We actually had to do it ourselves.

And I was super embarrassed, low key, because I was like, why is my walk so bad? That was one of those moments where I thought I was going to be a great model walker. And then I actually started and I was like, wait, this is this is humbling.

And then we got to go backstage. of the alice and olivia show which is super cool again another huge brand that i had dreamed of going to during new york fashion week so to go backstage was super incredible as an experience and then we got to go to the alice and olivia presentation which again super cool and then we did a little champagne hour and then we had our departure so that was a really long-winded explanation of how my trip went just to give other little details i was also invited to the lajeance presentation which is another brand in new york that does new york fashion week that was super cool that was basically majority of what i did regarding Fashion week just because I was super busy while I was there, but I saw my fam She's another youtuber and Lena lifts if you guys know them It was super cool to see them and I went to a little party with them and then I extended my trip by three days so me And Trin went around and tried new coffee shops. We tried new restaurants We did a lot of shopping and it was just overall a really good trip I came back feeling really grateful to be at home I feel like coming back from New York a place where you see a lot of people for Short periods of times and it's kind of almost like seeing your colleagues. It's really like rewarding or not rewarding but it feels really nice to come back and see your long-term friends like see people that have known you from childhood and not only that know you through the industry it just makes me it makes my heart go pitter-patter to see my true besties that I love but anyways I've chatted for too long I'm sorry let's start talking about what we're here for as we're gonna go into this I'm gonna tell you where this conversation originated from okay so me and my friend I'm gonna name drop her her name is Mayella basically we had a sleepover this past weekend and she is my number number one yapper friend.

Like we talk and we talk and we talk and we talk and we have so much to talk about and there's never a dull moment between us. It almost might be like a quiet introverted socially anxious person's nightmare probably to be next to us because we do not shut up. But anyways we have a sleepover right and we wake up in the morning and I swear five minutes after we wake up we just start going into conversation and that conversation doesn't end until one of us goes home. Probably 15 minutes after we wake up we somehow get into a conversation about what it means to be cool.

Genuinely I do not know how you go from waking up to that conversation in the span of like 10 minutes, but that's where it went. Now, externally, based on your fashion, based on your music choice, based on your movie choice, based on how you present yourself to the world, I think my friend Myla is a very cool person. She has a really good fashion sense.

She's really good at thrifting. She has a lot of cool interests. She knows a lot about different music artists. She knows a lot about different movies.

She has really good taste. Like she is really cool, okay? So we were talking about who is the coolest person that we know, you know? Who do we find really cool and what artists?

do we find really cool? And then from that conversation we kind of decided that even though somebody's interests and the way they present to the world can be really cool, if you took all of that off of them and they were just left as like a person with none of their interests being projected to the outside world, then how would you decipher who's cool and who isn't? So then we thought it must have to do with someone's energy and someone's aura.

Like how charismatic they are, the energy they emit out into the world, that is what makes someone cool. I would probably be most attracted to the person who is magnetic, who is laughing, who is happy, rather than the person who is vibrating very low, who's complaining, who is dull, who is negative. That is not what makes someone cool. The person who's a bully on the side of the corner is not cool. Even if they have all of that cool stuff, and I say that in quotations, and they were a mean person, that immediately is just cancelled out.

That was a long-winded story to basically dive into the topic of today's episode and talk about how important it is for the essence of someone to be the coolest thing about them and not how they present themselves to the world. That is not to say that how you present to yourself doesn't matter. I think it is super interesting when a person is super intentional with the way that they want to be perceived. I think it is super cool when someone has great fashion sense. I think it is super cool when somebody expresses themselves externally the way they feel internally, like maybe they're dying their hair a certain way or they have piercings.

All of that makes a person cool because again, it is an experience. expression of their internal state. It is an expression of how they feel.

It is almost the personification of their inner soul. And I think that is beautiful. But what makes a person truly cool is their aura, the way they are with other people, and the way that they make you feel, okay? That is the final consensus. The word that I want to emphasize is essence.

I think that is just a great word that I want to use more often because your essence is what makes you you and what makes you different than someone else. It really is what sets you apart. you apart. So after thinking long and hard about who I personally find really cool and who I think really stands out to me and who I think off the bat made me want to be their friends, here are some qualities I think they all obtain. So there's five people that came to mind when I thought about this and I'm not going to list out their names just because I feel like that's not necessary and they might be listening to this like, girl, I did not give you permission for that.

But the first person I want to talk about is somebody who I met in New York and I went out with them and I thought that their energy was so magnetic it was so interesting to view we went out a few times and i feel like they just had such an incredible amount of confidence and self-assurance you could tell that they really liked who they were and some people may have controversial opinions about being self-obsessed and i think being self-obsessed comes with a certain amount that is appropriate you know if you're too self-obsessed you think you're better than someone else that is a different story but it's self-obsessed where you love who you are you like what you stand for you like who you are as a person i think makes you move through life differently I really do and you being so self-assured to the point where you don't feel the need to put other people down and you just feel good and and again we were going out and so this girl felt really like confident and powerful and you know the way she was dancing the way she was moving people would literally move out of the way for her, you know? She would be walking like she owned the place, and I... viewing this was like damn I want to be more like that because she could be dancing with her eyes closed yet everybody around the room is low-key looking at her because she seems like the main character she seems like she's having the most fun here and she doesn't need you to have fun that is what I feel made her cool it was her energy and maybe her attitude towards life and it wasn't necessarily what she was wearing or certain physical qualities about her if that makes sense after this person I know another girl like this and her as well is like super confident super self-assured and whenever she walks around she walks around like she knows what is up like she knows her worth and like she will not give anyone a chance to disrespect her and almost so self-confident and self-assured that I don't even think people that would disappoint her would even step in her direction just to avoid the Embarrassment of disappointing her if that makes sense.

I think that is another thing that makes someone cool You know somebody that respects themselves that has boundaries that has standards that has confidence that really likes themselves that knows who they are And is proud of that person this person also is very talented in a lot of different ways Which I think also makes a person cool that is a little bit less less to do with energy and more to do with interesting qualities about a person, but I think it's interesting to notice and obviously pretty alluring because anybody who has a lot of talents or is really good at certain stuff, I feel like you kind of just want to get close to them because you want to see more of their talent or they kind of have that it factor about them. I think another way that this person represented how cool they were, at least in my eyes, was how they dressed to be out in public. I feel like they always had such nice clothes that was so polished and clean and put together and it just kind of was giving me a girl.

energy that I was like, okay, that is cool. Something about everything being so perfect, like almost to the point where I'm a little bit confused. Like, is there ever a stain on anything that you're wearing?

Maybe that's a super individual experience to just me, but that put together vibe, I think that calm confidence is where that comes from, but being put together and knowing that you're put together. The other two examples that I want to talk about of people that I know that I feel like exude this cool vibe are two people that basically embody kind, generous, good energy. These type of people are the ones that I can go up to them and tell them something that's going on with me and they will be active listeners. They will be attentive.

They will give me good advice and not just be talking the whole time. They would really hear you out and make you feel heard, make you feel understood, make you feel loved, make you feel like they really care for you and I think the reason why I wanted to bring this up was because after searching up online like what makes a person likable, what makes a person magnetic and stuff, a big thing thing that comes up in every single article or every single video or whatever is that what makes a person likable is how they make you feel. If you have a conversation with someone and you leave and then someone asks you how was that person, you would generally base your answer based on how they made you feel. So that is the most important and I think we know that. I've talked about that in other episodes in the past but it is less about what you say and it is how you deliver it.

It is how you make that person feel. An example that I watched in a YouTube video was if a guy and a girl went on a date and the guy was out here talking about how he was feeling and he was like, talking about how he makes all this money, he has this great job, and he's just saying all the right things, but he was super cold and basically like didn't listen to anything the girl had to say, didn't ask any questions. She could leave and say he was a great guy, but we just like didn't have that spark.

That spark is that connection of how she felt after their interaction. So again, how you make people feel is a huge deal. It is what sticks with people and it is what makes people think you are a likable person.

I think that is just something to remember and something to consider. when we go out and we socialize in the world and we go out to meet our friends or you know we are being a friend it's thinking to ourselves how are we making this person feel am I really listening to them am I really trying to ask them questions to get to know them to let them know that I'm here for them that is a super important quality to have so these two people that I was talking about in particular I feel like they really have that and I think that's what makes them really cool they give me the type of people that could go in any room and just have that warm energy where people will leave that conversation feeling better better than how they started. And also a side note, this isn't really about energy, but I'll throw it in there. A lot of these people that have something in common that I think is just cool in general is that they have really interesting niche interests.

That may sound really confusing, but like they know a lot about. a certain type of cuisine or they know a lot about the best recommendations of restaurants or they know the best clothing brands to shop at or they know the best lines of perfumes and all the perfumes or they know a lot about like wine I think something like that honestly makes a person cool it makes them interesting it makes them fun to talk to and I think it's just cool when someone has a passion or an interest that is just like super niche like not a lot of people know about it which is why I want to hear you talk about it you know like this isn't something that I could just gain from every conversation with anyone in the world. in the world. super interesting and you know you can teach me a lot about that and this could literally be anything i mean if you're listening to this right now and you're like hmm thinking to yourself do i have any niche interest you probably do i feel like that is worth even considering if you're listening to this right now maybe going into your notes app and writing down all the things that you have a lot of knowledge on it could be literally anything it could be zodiac signs it could be horoscopes it could be that you know a lot about again a certain type of cuisine or maybe you know a lot about how coffee is made or you know a lot about an animal or you know a lot about maybe whatever it is that you are studying that is super specific and not everybody has the knowledge on or maybe it's like a certain type of wisdom or maybe a lot of wisdom from an experience that you had or maybe you know a lot about yoga or you know a lot about spirituality or you know a lot about history whatever if I were you I would go into my notes and write down everything that you feel that you could educate someone on or just like tell them about it and feel confident in that list because I feel like when you look back at it you're gonna be like damn I know a lot about a lot of things it'll make you feel really good about yourself and make you feel even more confident in your own personality and who you are because it's pretty impressive and cool to know a lot about a certain topic. If you write down a bunch of things and you realize that you don't have a lot of interest, that you have a lot of knowledge on, maybe that is a little sign in itself to find something that interests you and do a little, do a little Google search, pick up some books on that and maybe learn more about the topic so that next time you have a conversation with someone else, again, this is a good like socialization tip.

If you want to bring up a new conversation or a new tip, you could be like, guess what I learned? Or guess what I just found out? Or I want to tell you about this book I've been reading, etc. That would make conversation go by a lot smoother and you would be a lot more interesting of a person. So I think that is worth doing.

The last example of a person who I think is cool is my boyfriend. I'm gonna bring him up here. I honestly don't know like anyone really that doesn't like my boyfriend and I think he is a very likable person. I think the reason for that is because he is very unique and And again, I think people are attracted to uniqueness because they are not like everyone else. And I think, again, that is what makes someone cool.

And I think in his specific example, it is the fact that he does not care about what anyone thinks of him. So again, confidence. He could care less, in fact. So he will be so open and so himself upfront and so authentic that people can't help but love it.

Or even if they think it's slightly weird, it is just a projection of their own insecurity. or maybe their inability to be themselves. And I think somebody that is completely authentic would really align with him because they see that he's also authentic. So like authenticity sees authenticity.

I think him being so himself and not caring about judgment makes people feel attracted to him. And also being one of one. you know, expressing your opinions freely, having an opinionated mindset or having strong boundaries will make you cool because people aren't going to find people like you just everywhere on the street.

Those are five examples of people that I think have really cool traits. You know, if all of their outside appearances were a blank slate, they would still have that cool energy. And I feel like after looking at all of those examples, if we come together and analyze them all and say, what are all the common themes among all these people?

It is the confidence that they exude. I know that all of them love who they are, like themselves, and because they like themselves, they are not worried about the validation of others. In fact, they are more worried about asking other people questions and seeing how other people feel.

So emphasis on that one. They make people feel good and they care about making others feel better. They are all kind people and they are non-judgmental.

Honestly, a pretty girl is not a pretty girl if she's shitting on other girls, making people feel like they are not good enough or like she's better than them. A pretty girl, beautiful girl, beautiful energy as a whole, as a human, comes from loving yourself and loving the people around you. So that is period, okay? That is the final, I guess, discovery of what makes someone cool.

And even though this episode isn't done, to end, I guess, that little section, I hope that this makes you realize that being a cool person really comes down to who you are and what your essence is. It doesn't have to do with if you have the coolest things or if you are conventionally the beauty standard or if you have the newest, most expensive clothing pieces or how much money you have or what your education is. It really comes down to who you are and how you make other people feel.

And that is what will make you cool at the end of the day. Being authentic, being yourself, and not just being a carbon copy of someone else. I think it is super common nowadays to find an influencer that you like and replicate their style, replicate their content, replicate their aesthetic, replicate... the newest trending item but at the end of the day if you want to be the trendsetter which is the coolest person on the block according to everyone okay if you want to be the trendsetter you cannot just be going around copying and pasting other people's style and i think personal style personal aesthetic personal brand will always win on top because nobody can replicate what you're doing since you are the originator of that it's a representation of what your true soul is like. And also when I say that, I feel like there could be someone listening being like, well, if I don't copy other people's style and if I don't copy other people's aesthetic, then I don't know what I like.

And I think that's where you should look within and ask yourself, what are the movies that I like? What's the music that I like? What colors do I like? If I go thrifting, what are the pieces that are my personal style? What are the things that I gravitate towards when nobody is watching?

And really get in tune with what your personal taste is. That way you will be the most authentic, most original version of yourself and that will give you an element of cool. I also wanted to make a point about how some people could watch a video or read a book on how to be a more likable person or how to be more fun to be around or, you know, one of those things.

And they may think to themselves like, I don't want to change my personality. I shouldn't have to change who I am to be liked by others. And I totally agree with you.

You should not be changing who you are to gain validation from others. But I think it's worth a shot listening to behaviors that will make you a more likable and tolerable person because nobody wants to be the person that people don't want to be around. That's just facts. Your personality isn't to be pestering or like to be annoying.

You know, those little like... tweaks of bad habits or maybe when insecurities spill out or your shadow self spills out. That is not who you are. Those are just like bad habits that you pick up along the way. So if you learn to identify those, cancel those out and incorporate more of the good aspects and qualities of yourself, I don't think that is changing who you are.

That is just showcasing and embodying the better parts of you, which is what we should all be doing. Again, this podcast is called A Better You. We are learning how to be the best version of ourselves. Another thing I wanted to say regarding this topic is that obviously I talked about how being confident, being self-assured are some of the best qualities that you can have and the qualities that make you cool. The opposite of that.

is being insecure. I want to talk about insecurity for a minute because I'm going to be very vulnerable with you guys. I feel like this year, and I've noticed it within myself and I'm saying it because I want to stop doing it. I've been a little bit more self-hating and a little bit more like, oh my God, I look so ugly.

I look so bad in this. Like this does not suit me. I hate my hair. I hate my this.

I hate my that. I, I recognize sometimes it is so hard to avoid saying those things, especially girls. We all go through phases in our appearance and Knowing that our appearance is such a thing that we put importance on I feel like it is super normal and natural to have Insecurities so if you're struggling with anything like that just know that you're not alone I go through this your favorite influencers go through this celebrities go through this however pretty you may think a person may be They're probably going through insecurities in their life. My point is being self-hating is not cool I'm gonna I'm gonna be the first to say it I know I've been doing it but it is not cool and it is something that I from this point forward.

I'm going to actively stop doing because I don't like being around people who are self-hating. I should not be self-hating and it is literally the opposite of being confident, okay? So if we're trying to be the coolest version of ourselves, the most confident version of ourselves, we cannot be insecure.

We cannot be our worst nemesis or our worst critics because that's the truth. A lot of the times we are our harshest critics. Now the last thing I want to do is list you off a bunch of things that are a little bit less energy.

and aura based and a little bit more like super niche super random could be superficial could be the way you're perceived like little things that i think make a person cool and i went on tick tock and i searched up like other people's opinion on this and basically i have a list of my ideas and their ideas and i'm gonna quickly list them out to you for some food for thought for yourself okay list of things that makes somebody cool number one when people are intentional this is one of my favorite things about someone and what automatically makes me think you're cool By this I mean when I see someone wearing something and they're wearing like colored clips. So random, so slightly unnecessary, yet so intentional. And then I'm like, wow, you didn't have to do that, but you went out of your way to put some colored clips into your hair. That one's really obvious, but here's another one.

When somebody has a little tiny scarf. Like that scarf is not really serving the purpose of keeping you warm, but it is so cute and it's kind of a fashion statement that it feels intentional. Another example could be when somebody wears a brooch.

Is that what it's called? A brooch? a bro calling it like a brioche like it's a bun but a brooch i don't know many people who do that but like i want to be the grandma that wears brooches so i'm going to say that a brooch is super intentional because you pick that out and you put that there another one could be someone with bows in their hair again you chose to put that there i think that is cool um another one could be somebody that has embroidery on their jeans that they made themselves okay next reason somebody who thrifts their outfits this automatically makes you cool because again intentionality is that a word you chose that that's your personal style That is not something that's like trending on the H&M rack. It is something that you chose out and you thought would look good on you.

We love. The next thing that makes someone cool is somebody who is so good at eye contact. Somebody that is looking at you the whole time or looking at whoever and they do not break eye contact. They are not scared of it, they are not intimidated by it, and they really see you and they understand you. I think that is cool and that's a cool trait to have.

Another thing is somebody who is extremely passionate about anything. This could be your job, which is great. It doesn't even have to be your job.

It could be a hobby It could be a random movie series. It could be maybe an animal that you absolutely love But I think being passionate about anything is just cool And I love hearing people talk about things that they're passionate about, you know the way their face lights up I'm, like I don't even I don't even care about that specific thing But the fact that you're so passionate about it makes me want to know why you're so passionate about it The next people who are cool are the people who include you, you know if you're in a group of people and somebody is like back is on you basically you know what i mean like you're blocked out of the conversation and they kind of push towards that person to get them out of the way so that you're included into the group that's a cool person it could even be somebody who is in a conversation and they notice that you're a little bit quiet and they go hey blank what do you think about this those people are cool i need to do that more often the people that when you go into their apartment they have super specific home decor pieces Things that are not even that common like not ikea But like something that was like thrifted or they have this like super niche brand of candles and randomly they know a lot about candles Or maybe they have a lot of plants and they're like not the most basic little plant But like something really cool and like they water it and they like really love it Or maybe they have like really cool lamps or like knickknacks. The next one is just being unapologetically Themselves this is kind of like how I feel like my boyfriend is Super unapologetically himself and you either like him or you don't but people that like him like really like him because they almost Admire how they don't care if you like them or not They just like them and they don't need your approval Another thing is being uplifting a girl's girl who wants the best for you who is super positive and knows how to have a good Time a girl's girl through and through another thing that makes someone cool is someone who does not complain someone who finds the best in Shitty situations and who sees the positive things in life sees on the bright side We love a positive gal. This one is a personal one for me.

I love asking random questions. I think if you are truly my friend, I will bring up the, you know what I've been thinking about? You know what I've been wondering about?

You know what I hate? What do you think about this? You know, I'm always asking like random ass questions like that.

I love it when people will have an answer or an opinion to whatever random questions. The same way that if someone asks me a question, I should just come up with something to say. When people just respond, I don't know, it bothers me a little bit. I'm not even going to lie.

It bothers me a little bit because I'm like, what do you mean you don't know? I'm asking you a question and you're just going to say, I don't know. Well, maybe you can think about it for a minute. So anyways, my point of that was I love when people have opinions, they have answers, and they can use their imagination, their creativity to kind of come up with some sort of conclusion or some sort of answer to your crazy whack question, even if it's hypothetical. I think it's super fun when they come up with an answer that isn't just, I don't know.

Another random thing that makes you cool, and I'm sorry for saying cool 15 times in this episode. But if you know recipes, you know your own recipes, you have your own recipes, not just saying you can cook chicken and rice because like I can do that too, but like you have your own recipes, you're cool. You're cool and I wanna be you and I'm jealous of you.

Okay, I have another one that relates to somebody that I've met in real life. I think you're really cool if you give really honest and genuine compliments. I think that sometimes this could be our ego talking, but we wanna compliment someone and randomly we don't. I don't know why, maybe sometimes you don't, you're nervous, you don't feel like saying it out loud. Or maybe you could say it, but you're just like, oh, you have cool style.

But instead of just saying, oh, you have cool style. If there was a really honest person and they were like, no, I think you have immaculate taste. I really love the way that your shirt fits on you.

It's super flattering. I love how intentional with fit you are. And I love that it reflects your style. Okay, etc. Maybe that was a little bit extra.

But like a compliment that is really personal and a little bit more than just the bare minimum. I think that makes a person cool because it's kind of like expressing a little bit of a vulnerable side of you. This kind of relates to what we were talking.

earlier about how it matters more about how you make someone feel than what you actually say but I remember a few years ago I went to this party and I saw this girl that I thought didn't like me but she was super vulnerable and gave me a really honest and kind compliment out of nowhere and it was like so nice like something that I would almost like it felt really vulnerable to say specifically because I also thought she didn't really like me anyways I don't remember what the compliment was anymore but I remember feeling really good after that and I think that is the perfect Definition of how the way that you make someone feels matters more than what you actually say And I think being vulnerable with compliments is really cool. So there was a double whammy Let me add in there that girl that i'm talking about that for some reason I thought she didn't like me I think it was super situational because she is very well liked and I feel like she has a lot of friends and a lot Of connections. So again, that must be her secret sauce when it comes to uh being perceived as cool It is the way that you make people feel and I bet she makes people feel really good I have two last examples.

The first one being when someone notices something that you changed about your appearance and they bring it up. For example, if you get your hair cut and someone says, oh my god, you cut your hair, like it looks great. If they notice right away, that is a cool trait about them because they're noticing you and they went out of their way to tell you. And the last one is if someone treats themselves to everyone else as an equal, they are allowed to think that they are the best version of themselves, they should be obsessed with themselves, they should love themselves, they should like themselves, but feeling like you are not better than anyone and showing up in the world like that.

I think that's what makes you a cool person. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this episode. You got some food for thought. You're thinking about this now. It's in your head.

You're thinking, I have some cool traits. I want to be cooler. These are some things I'm going to implement.

And also, who are the cool people in my life that I want to continue sharing my life with? And I should text them and say, you know what? You're a really cool person to me.

I hope that's how you left this episode feeling. But anyways, I love you. I think you're a cool person.

And I hope that you stick around for next week's episode. I love you. and I will talk to you soon.

Transcript for:Exploring the Essence of Coolness

Transcript for:
Exploring the Essence of Coolness