hello hello and welcome to love advice TV whether you are tuned in to our podcast for this latest episode or watching us on YouTube thank you for your trust we are so delighted to be able to explore this topic with you I am joined by the one and only Coach Alex Como thank you for doing this together my brother thank you so much coach Edwin hello everyone I'm so happy because this is a very important topic I know it's not easy absolutely it's a topic that many of you have um had to face and it's when an ex says there is no chance of getting back together and perhaps this is said right at the time of the breakup when you try to plead your case or perhaps this is said in the days and the weeks that follow when you are trying to take a step or to communicate with your significant other and so I wanted to get the world's most renowned ex-back coach to help us to dissect those comments why do X's usually utter those words and what should you do if an X says there's no chance yeah I know it's not an easy situation guys and I have studied a lot of scientific case studies neuroscience and everyone agree on one thing as a human being we don't like to say that we made the wrong decision so your ex will always say that there is no chance that they will never come back with you just because they want to prove to themselves to everyone that it was the right decision even if when you are pleading your case you came with good arguments you show that you have changed like it's factual your ex will still not want to see it and this is part of a human nature this is called ego that is the reason why number one axes will tell you that there is no chances reason number two it's also because they want to protect you in a sense they want to make you know that there is no other change so you need to move on and they don't want to lie to you when we are in this case it means that there is a lack of Attraction so I will come back on it further in the video but what you need to remember is that your ex will never break up with you and tell you hey let's do this for one week and in one week I know that we can get back together they will not do that they have to assume in front of someone else's eyes in front of their family their friends their decision so that's the reason why I love to say I don't want to listen to your ex words I don't care about it we would create a strategy together but first of all I want to hear your thoughts on that yes absolutely and the reality is that when you go through a breakup whether your ex utters those words or not what they are conveying to you usually is that it is over forever that this is a decision that they've thought about they don't think they can be happy with you in a future together and so they are sure there are some in certain cases where an ex will say who knows what the future holds and we could do a whole other episode on on podcast episode on this topic but usually an X's 100 sure of their decision at the time of the breakup however that does not mean that their position won't change and evolve over time and usually when a next says that it's because you've pushed them you've pushed them if they utter those words is because by begging or pleading or through desperate attempts you have pushed them into a corner and they feel like they have to tell you this so that you leave them alone so that you accept their decision so that you give them space and time and so that they have basically established those boundaries where they feel safe that you're not gonna continue to come and and Bug them and challenge them in some ways and when I say that an X is 100 sure it doesn't mean that they're 100 at peace it doesn't mean that they don't love you anymore but they feel like that's a decision that they need to make at a specific point in time and one thing that I say to clients that I work with in coaching sessions often to help them like Coach Alex was saying not give too much weight and importance to those words is that ultimately there was a time where your ex loved you really thought that you guys were going to be happy together and if at that time I had taken a standstill picture of what your relationship was like and I told you one day your ex is going to come and tell you that there's no chance for you guys to ever get back together because they don't love you anymore you would have told me that's that's crazy that's impossible we're in love this person respect loves me so much they need me that's impossible but here we are and so similarly now I am telling you if we take a standstill picture of where you're at in your breakup process after you've uttered those words you may think to yourself it's impossible why would this person ever come back and tell me that they love me look at how they're treating me things evolve if you change if you are able to put certain steps in place if you're able to change the way that they see you then in turn they will change the way they feel about you and about a potential relationship together and so even if an X feels certain and convinced of their words remember that it's probably is a statement that they're saying in light of negative actions that you have taken in the short or medium term and if you focus on the right actions and what you can control over time the odds are that if they're a reasonable person they're going to change their mind even though they don't want to acknowledge it in this moment does this make sense to you Coach Alex it makes a lot of sense and this exercise is just mind-blowing guys because it's a perfect example of the situation of today can evolve can change right it's not because your ex is certain 100 certain that you will never go back together that they can change their mind because they were 100 in the relationship they were thinking that you were mean to be together even if it was a short-term relationship it's not about the time that you are together it's about the connection and the chemistry now one thing that I want to tell you if you really want to get your ex back and you tell yourself yeah but he or she is telling me that we will never get back together it's also because they need to keep control of the situation they like the idea that you will chase that you will be needy that you will be available it can reinsure them but it's not what we want so we will have to be very much stronger to forget about their Awards as I told you and to make sure that we know that we can recreate some positive energy some emotions some attraction and you know the techniques because we talk a lot about on this channel what you need to know is that your ex will not give you the formula to get them back I love to say that it's not your ex that will tell you what to say what to do you cannot baste your breakup recovery on the awards because that would be to make you needy you know that will make you too available and that will not raise your value so for me when your ex says that they will not come back it's because they don't see your value so don't look at them to give you the formula to make them come back that's absolutely true I love the fact that you how you explain this concept and if you are turning to your ex to validate you to to to get that value from them you're always putting them on a pedestal and you're forcing them to become harsher and harsher and tougher and tougher and to say things that are mean and painful because in some ways you're overstepping your boundaries and you're devaluing yourself and so it's not easy but even if you've heard those words even if an X seems adamant even if they're the most stubborn person in the world if you start to focus on yourself and approach it as a process good things are to come and this is what we see in coaching sessions all the time Coach Alex is absolutely right your ex will not give you the formula to rebuild a healthy relationship and very often you cannot take everything that they say as if it was solid gold and written in stone however when an X tells you that they need space in the overwhelming majority of cases they mean it that's true you really need to give them space and you need to listen to the to these words otherwise you are pushing and pushing and pushing them again to become nastier and nastier nastier to try to convey to you that they're serious about their decision so I just wanted to point that Nuance there just so that when your ex tells you they need space you don't say coach Adrian said Don't listen to my ex no you have to also use your brain and make sure that your approach is coherent yeah we have to get some empathy for your ex we have to understand what they mean what they want exactly so that's why we do private coaching also on love advice TV at with Max again.com is that if you come on the website we will be able to talk to you and to tell you exactly what to do but your ex will always tell you that basically they will never come back and they are white they don't want to come back in the past it's his old job and your job and my job at our job it together it is to create a new vision for the relationship so that's why we don't focus on the past we focus on today what can you do today to become different to become a better version of yourself so your ex we start to doubt their decision when we plant a seed it is very powerful the only one thing is that usually we want to make sure that our X is not forgetting about ourselves so we will do more actions and we make them feel that they want space because we are doing too much and this is what we want to avoid in this case so listen to that guys if you want to get your ex back it is possible even if they told you that it was not possible this is what we hear all the time but that doesn't mean we should act based on your emotions based on your ego based on what you want unfortunately we have to adapt to communication with others Coach Alex has hit the nail on the head I know from experience in coaching sessions that people love two things they love to talk about the past the breakup the mistakes that they've made and they love to talk about the love that they have for their significant other they love to talk about this significant other and doing this is going to make it way more difficult for you to focus on actually the right steps that you need to take to be able to create a new dynamic and it's not easy but you can do this as long as you are focused on what you can control in the present moment like we talked about if you have a plan if you have a roadmap if you have the support that you need to keep yourself honest and accountable along the way you are going to maximize your chances of success it's just what happens and there are many examples of individuals that I've worked with that heard that they were never going to get back together that believed even that they were not going to get back together but after a while the Dynamics start to change and exes do come back and you are able to create a new dynamic because you have been able to do the groundwork the right way and I want to conclude this video at least continue by telling you that there is few mistakes to not do I don't want you to beg your ex I don't want you to negotiate with your ex I don't want you to talk about the past with your ex right now and I don't want you to overcompensate your mistakes in the past because that's what people do usually when they hear I will never come back to you so you will try to buy gift you will try to buy the love you will try to show so much love and happiness that you can you could have together but these are mistakes I want you to judge them and once you know that these are mistakes you will also be able to overview the right behavior and try to do the right steps so when you're existing that they will never come back you should say I know so like this there is no more communication based on that if you say I know they will be surprised this is the reverse psychology and then you can share your message I know I feel that we we deserve more we deserve better that doesn't mean that we will not be together but we will open a new page so there is a few tactical and technical things that we can say but the first thing is I know I don't want you to fight your ex decision do you agree with that could children without a doubt without a doubt the more you accept the breakup the easier it is to build a new relationship the sooner you can build something new the more you resist the more you cling on to the past the more you force your significant other to lose respect and to become nastier and unfortunately that's when that's when um I see people really make big big mistakes when they are in that mindset so it's important for you to know that there are tools for you to lean on when you feel like all hope is lost we're not just asking you to have a blind faith in a process that's like a pie in the sky type of thing no there are tools there are success stories there are actions that you can take that will help you to regain confidence and hope and optimism in a new and improved relationship that this is possible and we have created free trainings that can help you regain that hope as you start to feel better as you start to bounce back through the link below you will be able to access these free trainings Coach Alex and I try to offer live trainings as well as materials that has worked for others and and really to provide you with with those tools so to empower you and I really urge you to check this out because it can make a world of a difference especially if you feel like all hope is lost or if especially if you feel like you're dealing with a stubborn EX and you know I know that it will really really help you a lot on this on your journey of of breakup recovery so please check it out if you haven't done so yet thank you coach Adrian thank you guys for being here remember that you can smash the like button subscribe to the YouTube channel also subscribe to the podcast to your favorite platform let's do it together we will continue to do videos we will continue to support you there is the comment section just right below we want to be here for you guys and we have here we have heard that all the time I don't want to come back it's for sure it's 100 guaranteed but there is always something that we can do to show to your ex that you are different and it's always based on you also so Join This Love advice TV family on YouTube on podcast and let's continue the journey together and grab your gift they're amazing inside the description and keep fighting the good fight yeah and see you soon for another episode take care of yourself guys so much love