i was like going through my pubic hair and all of a sudden i saw this little tiny like mite thing alive and crawling around and i was like [Music] so was sex talked about in your home growing up honestly that topic never really came up i think i had maybe one brief talk with my stepmom but my dad definitely invited come to think of it i actually don't think i had the sex talk with my parents how did you get your sti i have no idea the one that i got was pubic lice aka i was like going through my pubic hair and all of a sudden i saw this little tiny like mite thing alive and crawling around and i was like honestly i was not using safe sex i was just you know having unprotected sex hoping for validation and worth and unfortunately that didn't work i had to work on that within i just didn't have a condom on me and didn't really feel like going out of my way to get one i figured it wouldn't be it would be no big deal i got gonorrhea from a previous partner he had gonorrhea in his throat which he did end up passing to me it wasn't a one-night stand it was a guy i met on tinder when i was studying abroad in paris we had seen each other a few times but this time he was kind of pressuring me to go without protection and i did not want to but i ended up giving in funny thing i actually broke up with an x and i i hooked up with one person and i got tested three days later and i came up positive for syphilis how did you feel when you found out you were positive i felt really sad and depressed i was happy knowing that it could be treated at least there have been so many other times i've been reckless with having a bunch of unprotected sex so the fact i got it from someone i've seen consistently and not a one night stand was just irritating it was chlamydia when you learn in school about these stis and sex education it's always you know the most drastic side effects and long-term effects so when i first found out that i was positive i freaked out and i didn't know what to do i was really kind of panicking i didn't find out from a doctor i wasn't in a clinic i was in my bedroom i guess i felt just ashamed and embarrassed and scared i got diagnosed with hiv on may 21st 2011. when i found out that i was positive i thought my life was over i've had definitely ups and downs with my mental health especially not only first getting hiv and then coping with that but then also having to tell a partner too what does it feel like okay i was preparing for this question so i was diagnosed with um trichomoniasis my main two symptoms were that it was just so uncomfortable to sit and then um there were changes in the chemistry of you know my genitals i just remember feeling really itchy throughout the week and then one day i was like all right we have to investigate i caught it really early on so i didn't have a lot of symptoms i i saw like a bump and i was like all right like i'm gonna go get checked because just in case it was definitely itchy uh pretty much everywhere it didn't look pretty either like redness swelling like soreness did you tell your friends or family so i actually did tell my family i i like i educated them on it and stuff like that and like the first question they asked was just like oh like why are you having unprotected sex as if like i was having sex with a lot of people i definitely told my roommates because i had to like do laundry and clean everything when i do tell people i get a lot of like wow tell me about the crabs and i'm like okay girl let's drink some tea and talk about that my mother and i have always been clothes and i'm just really thankful for the love that i got from her and the support i did not tell my family i'm not open with them about my sex life i actually asked one of my good friends like what should i be doing and she explained it very calmly to me that i should be telling people who i've been with when do you disclose to potential partners about your sti immediately when i disclosed that i was hiv positive i never really had a partner treat me differently if anything it just seemed like it provided an extra layer of honesty uh luckily i no longer have to i had some antibiotics and so i'm cured if i still had it i would assume that it would become a conversation of course before any sex that conversation about safety i'm no longer afraid of having it i like to ask for proof now because before i wouldn't ask for proof and if they don't get tested i don't want it at all i had just had sex two days prior to discovering i had crabs and he was like are you clean i was like yeah i'm clean it was very awkward having to text the stranger being like jk you should definitely check yourself out have you ever lied to a potential partner about having an sti no um it's a big no-no for me this kind of experience also emphasized the importance of making sure that it is clear what your sexual habits are at the end of the day you're giving them the choice of consenting to sex well i think they should also be consenting to a possible infection i have not lied to a potential partner about having an sti unfortunately i have lied to a partner about um the amount of safe sex i'd had which i regret now because that's very immature and puts both of us in danger were you afraid for your life after being diagnosed i was not i definitely use condoms more when having sex but also i get tested more frequently than i did prior it was it was a scary moment but then when i went to a health professional they really put my fears at ease syphilis is actually a really serious um disease and it could like deteriorate your brain after a while so i did freak out but luckily i was a little educated on it so like i kind of knew it was curable but i was just thinking like wow like what if it was something that was incurable when i first got diagnosed with hiv i definitely did not think that i was gonna make it but then once i spoke with my doctor he helped me just really understand hiv a lot better and so i got on my medicines and i still remain undetectable today yes for like half a second but i mean a quick google search will tell you that like chlamydia is not gonna take your life i am definitely a lot more safe about the sex that i do practice because as often as it's not something life-threatening it very well one day could be if you got it from someone else do you hate the person for giving it to you not at all i don't hate him at all there was a lot of anger when i first found out i think it was half anger at him and half anger myself because i allowed myself to be talked into having unprotected sex with someone who i didn't know or trust unfortunately he unmatched me i wish i had the chance to you know reach out to him and say hey you should get tested this partner asked me previously before we initially had sex have you gotten tested recently and i said yes i have like you went out of your way to ask if i was clean essentially but you weren't so it was a slap in the face i mean at first i was a little angry um but being mad at someone for giving you something that they probably didn't even know that they had is just kind of a waste of your energy three days before i i had sex with someone and i i called him he didn't know he had syphilis specifically but he had an idea it was more like okay like we're not gonna be friends anymore because that was just messed up dude like you knew and and you didn't tell me afterwards i probably didn't have sex for like a year and a half or more i just i had trust issues i know who gave me hiv he's someone that i grew up with someone that i know i had anger i was completely infuriated by the fact that this person that i had committed myself to in such a way have given me something that is chronic lifelong but then also you know i do forgive him we were young and careless and reckless and it happens you