Lecture on Grief and Boundaries

Introduction

• Speaker: Jim Cress
• Topic: Grief in the context of boundaries
• Key Question: How are you doing today?

Importance of Grief

• Grief is a significant part of counseling
• Not limited to the death of a person; includes end of relationships, marriages, etc.
• Divorce referred to as the "death of a marriage"
• Grief helps process losses
• Grief is actually beneficial despite seeming like an enemy

Biblical Perspective on Grief

• Reference to 1 Thessalonians 4:13: "We grieve not as those who have no hope"
• Encourages a hopeful approach to grief

Stages of Grief

• Multiple stages of grief
• Anger is a prominent stage that can be directed outwardly
  • Anger at God, oneself, others
  • Example: Anger due to violated boundaries
• Importance of managing anger and other emotions healthily

Grieving in Relationships

• Relationships may not always reach a healthy place
• Grieving dynamics within a relationship
• Importance of a "revisionist history"
  • Assessing the reality of the relationship
  • Identifying lies, omissions, and gaslighting (L-O-G)
• Seeking support from counselors, friends, or pastors
• Not just journaling; having conversations for clarity

Dealing with Betrayal and Loss

• Feeling of wasted years
• God's role in not wasting wounds
• Confronting the idea that the betrayer moves on easily
• Reference to Galatians 6:7: "God is not mocked…"
• Grieving is a personal process between oneself and God
• "Take that person off your hook, and put 'em on God's hook"

Commitment to Reality

• Mental and spiritual health require commitment to reality
• Inventory of costs: time, betrayal, etc.
• Creating a sacred space for grieving with God, journaling, and conversations
• Avoiding the "root of bitterness" (Hebrews 12:15)
• Pain must be processed to move on

Conclusion

• Trust the grieving process
• Grief takes time but leads to freedom
• Do not own others' sinful behaviors; focus on self-reflection
• View grief as a friend, not an enemy
• Encouragement to participate in the grieving process